I've been broken up with my ex for about a year and a half now. For about a year after we broke up, we continued to be "friends with benefits." I really cared about him and was so naive that I thought "If he's still sleeping with me, he must still care." When I finally made the decision to break the cycle I created for myself, I told him on numerous occasions that I needed my space and didn't want to be "friends" with him.
Now both of us have someone else in our lives but he still won't leave me alone. He still texts me every month and every month I say the same thing "I don't want to be friends with you, leave me alone." Does he still care? Why won't he just let me go?? I know I should just ignore him, but that's easier said than done. --Strung Along Sandra
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Dear Strung Along Sandra--
Many people confuse sex with love, so I don't blame you for being in a tale spin after your break up. Cutting off all ties with an ex is difficult, and many couples fall into the "breakup sex" pattern, but as you can attest, it is a tricky predicament to be in and can oftentimes cause more hurt than pleasure.
Since you are both dating other people, is your ex specifically calling you to rekindle your romance or does he just want to be a part of your life? From the sounds of it, he wants to have his cake and eat it too so I am proud of you for standing your ground.
Your ex's selfish behavior is him acting out because he is afraid of you moving on without him. Keeping you at arm's length is not only unfair to you, but also the woman he is currently dating. You're right, ignoring his advances is easier said than done, but try to remember why you broke up in the first place. Have one last chat with him, be firm and demand that he respects your life without him in it and if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, he needs to let you go so you can move on. Let him know you will no longer accept his calls and stick to your guns. Ignoring him will make him try harder at first, but in time, he will get the hint. Perhaps one day you can establish a friendship if you so desire, but it sounds like now is not the right time to be in contact with each other. Good luck.