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You Asked: Is It Wrong To Make Sure?

Dear Sugar,

You know how in the beginning of every relationship, you find yourself so deeply in love, saying things like "this one is different" and thinking that you've really got it right this time, but then an old flame from the past starts to peer from around the corner? Well that's happening to me. Every time I feel like I've really found a great guy, this old flame creeps up on me with a simple phone call, email, or text that ropes me right back into his trap. Let me state that nothing has ever happened when he contacts me, but it's well known amongst our friends that there's something unique between the two of us.

My basic question is, is it wrong to make sure that flame is snuffed out by returning his advances and checking to see if feelings are really there? Or is it even more wrong to ignore my feelings for the old flame altogether and continue on, even though deep down I will always feel something for him? — Double Checking Christi

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Double Checking Christi,

I don't think it's wrong to confirm the flame is no longer burning with your ex, but I think it's only fair to your current boyfriend to do that on your time; in other words I think you should take a break while you settle your matters of your heart. If this one specific person keeps creeping back into your world, I'd say that he deserves another shot, but you must set some boundaries because Christi, sometimes those people just aren't meant to be. You say you keep falling back into his trap, which insinuates that he's not good for you. Try to figure out why you keep going back to each other but at the same time, make an effort to break the cycle if you know deep down that it's not meant to be. If you don't get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, you're going to have a difficult time moving on and having a meaningful relationship with someone who isn't a fair weather boyfriend like your ex. Good luck.


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