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It's my way or the Highway

It's my way or the Highway

DearSugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years and we are so in love. Being together has changed us both for the better, I have come out of my shell a lot (I used to be shy) and he has quieted down alot (he used to do a lot of partying). I thought everything was perfect until recently.


Before we got together he used to dabble in recreational drugs quite a bit. When we met, I made it very clear how much I hate that whole drug scene and he gave it all up and completely changed his lifestyle for me. The other night it came up in conversation and he told me that he wants to be able to "have the option to take drugs" if he wants to. I was shocked. He argued that he's not planning on definitely using them again, but he wants to be free to have the option to if he's at a party, etc.

We ended up having a huge fight and told him he has to choose- the drugs or me. I feel like I might be being too harsh because I'm really not willing to compromise here- it's my way or the highway. Is this unfair of me to ask him to choose? I am head over heels in love with this guy, and while my advice would be to leave him if this wasn't my own dilemma, I am just so confused. Please help! --Just Say No Nancy

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Dear Just Say No Nancy--

I completely understand where you are coming from here. If you have different views on drug use and the way you live your life from the person you share it with, it's no wonder a fight broke out. It sounds like I don't need to tell you that drugs can easily destroy relationships so I hope your boyfriend understands what he is doing here.

While your ultimatum is strong, you need to do what is right for you and your relationship. You have expressed your views clearly from the get go, so his sudden desire to dabble in his old ways would raise a red flag to me as well. It sounds as though he is craving some sort of freedom in his personal life so talk to him and get to the source of his desires.

Since you have such different views on the topic, you need to decide for yourself that his drug use is something you are willing to put up with. Try not to second guess your actions, hopefully he will see how serious you are and will realize, before it's too late, what he is jeopardizing for a stupid night out of meaningless partying. Good luck to you.

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