Who gets to take me home? Let's draw straws.
Relive your Summer days with snapshots.
I'd wear 'em!
Didn't you know the kids these days are calling Hawaiian Punch the "let's have a party" drink?
This tea will keep you skinny, because there are only "two slender calories" in each glass (as opposed to overweight calories).
Summer is for staring at sand castles.
Wear a dress this Summer with a "harmony of colors."
"Jantzen improves your circulation!" So that you can dance around in a circle with your friends in your underwear.
What? Yes, everything's just peachy.
Hey, stop posing for a second and help me with these veggies.
I really should be reading this "How to Sail" book . . . Oh. Never mind.
Is she surfing without a surfboard?
And it's so discreet!
Watch out! Bad breath will ruin your Summer vacay.
This back rub looks like it's going to lead to something.
If you have "wonderful kids," then you'll want photos of them.
Every Summer trip starts with a car.
Ah, darling, wasn't the theater just grand?
Stay away from this lady's condiments.
Air conditioners are sexy!
This looks like a Nancy Drew book cover, don't you think?
I would think real surfers don't need to use tanning lotion to tan.
They may be hideous, but they work (says Tex and Jinx).
Dr. Pepper floats and ping-pong — sounds like an awesome Summer day to me!
Um, Ken doll, anyone?
Ooh, look at how non-sun-damaged his hair is! That's the first thing I notice about a guy too.
It's all fun and games until you get tackled by a bunch of creepy guys at the beach.
Safe enough for baby's skin . . . so you can take some parenting tips from "tanning mom" and sunbathe with your kid!
These swimsuits are for "feeling gay."
"Ruffles are the rage."
Sorry, but these ciggies aren't waterproof.
That guy seems a little out of proportion. His lower half is tinier than hers!
Cat-eye sunnies are a classic.
Just posing over here in front of this umbrella.
He's no Picasso, but he'll do for a Summer fling.
It's a two-for-one deal.
Cool off in lemon-yellow frocks.
A Summer party isn't complete without a Coke!
I think she likes the badminton rack more than the guy!
This Summer, "give your skin a bloom" with Avon makeup.
OK, I know he's supposed to be Cupid, but isn't he a little young to be ogling hot chicks?
Ah, young love.
How nice. Are you writing my name in the sand? Oh, it's just the brand of your cigarettes.
Time to hit the high seas.
"Dainty damsels," Frederick's has a suit for you!
Use these funky workout machines to get in shape for Summer. They're sure to probably (but not likely) work.
That ball's as big as she is!
I'd wear one of these sweet Summer dresses.
These suits aren't for the beach; they're "for beauty."
I think he's throwing that ball a little too close. I sense a broken nose in her future.
Hmmm . . . cook with cold?
Enjoying the beachside brewskis.
It's all about the tan.
Nice swimsuit train!
Forget the girlfriend; save the beer!
Can't afford a fashionable new suit? That's OK — "Just say 'CHARGE IT!'"
Margarine is healthy for kids! If you say so . . .
Hey, don't we all want a swimsuit that does double duty?
What's up with the creepy kid?
This vintage Ray-Ban ad is still in style.
Enjoy the Summer by watching the boats go by.
Pointy boobs were all the rage.
Just an all-American family enjoying dogs on the beach.
Don't get too much sun!
Wear Coppertone tanning lotion, since, after all, "nothing flatters you like a beautiful tan."
Aw, it's Olympic team Barbies!
This is quite the chic golfer.
Cool off after a vigorous game of tennis and golf with a Coke.
Luckily we aren't wearing these 'fits for biking anymore!
Stylish bowling, lady.
Candy keeps the energy up.
Aim for my fingers.
Stay warm on the slopes with an itchy wool outfit.
This group dive seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
Becoming a gymnast is easy! Just watch this tape.
The lady chooses golf and beer.
Tennis while driving? This lady is quite the multitasker.
A stylish girl golfer of yesteryear.
I try to focus on my game . . . but all I can think of is how dirty my shoes are!
That doesn't look like the correct athletic gear for skiing.
Hey, listen to the ad: "Modern women stay active."
Coffee as exhilarating as a snowball in the face.
The trick is balancing your cigarette while skating.
Fuel up for the big game with Krumbles.
Drink 7UP. It refreshes the whole family during the hunger games.
Why, yes, we do.
Didn't you know smoking was good for playing tennis?
I have a feeling Olympic gymnasts don't wear pads . . .
Get your blood pumping with a bowling game.
It's all about where you play and what you drink.
Fishing and beer — it's a good time.
I would hope those pads don't require pins and belts. That would definitely show under that gymnast's leotard.
This Wimbledon star thanks her Converse for her win.
These athletic ladies are on one helluva sugar high.
The key to softball is gum.
I, too, dreamed I was a knockout.
Competition is good for a girl; didn't you know?
Play golf to stay young.
Archery is the new black.
Wheee, I like to play basketball with my cigarettes glued to the ball!
Yeah, you do not want to be thinking about menstrual odor in that position.
Get your '80s boxing gear ready.
Ah, I didn't know the key to becoming an Olympian was orange juice!
Loving that retro circle skirt!
Stick to the classics.
From young students to old . . . this creepy fella likes them all.
I mean, the girl with the braids? Awesome.
That girl scares me.
Guys love girls with big . . . watches.
"Let's ask teacher."
This girl's getting a lesson on smoking.
Because the ladies love a guy addicted to nicotine.
All you need is the right hosiery to be the heroine of your own life story.
Show off your sexy, bookish look with these ensembles.
You definitely don't want to forget your "uke" at college.
Now that's a classroom location.
Aw, these back-to-school outfits are pretty cute!
Oooh, check him out.
"Hold Donny and David close to your heart" with these totally not-embarrassing notebooks.
Get ready: these schools are at war.
Meet the man of your dreams in the library.
Good things happen over coffee, indeed.
Nothing sexier than a fella who can play the accordion.
"You can read about women who are unforgettable, disarming, and a not-so-quiet sensation," or you can become one.
For teachers who want to be taken seriously . . . I mean, ogled.
Get 'em hooked in school!
A fresh, clean taste for fresh, clean college students.
The perfect collegiate beverage is . . . 7-Up?
Well briefed, indeed.
Hmmm . . . knives and beer are maybe not a good mix.
Well, in those sparkly pants, how could you not have a ball this Fall?
Oh, I didn't realize it was the flavor of coffee that gave you a pick-me-up. I always thought it was the caffeine.
Mink to die for . . . or kill for, rather.
Look confident in plaid!
"Fall brings fried chicken" . . . and sad, lonely dinners.
"Calling all chubbies!"
Now that's a boozy Fall feast I'd attend.
I don't trust that kid.
Look at how much fun I'm having in my "gay flannel suit"!
Gum made from leaves . . . yum?
Makeup as pretty as these wilted flowers I'm holding.
Well, if those suds are "velvet," then count me in!
Why is she hiding her face?
Anyone else creeped out by the person in the reflection?
For people "always on the move," grab a "light refreshment" . . . you know, like a sugary, caffeinated, carbonated soda.
Are you supposed to "fall in love" with the colors, or do the colors make you fall in love?
See, yard work can double as a date!
Tiffany & Co. went serious for this '80s ad.
Who knew pearls could be so sexy?
Sorry lady, but the pigtails can't hide the fact that you're about 10 years older than you should be for this Seventeen magazine ad.
Get loopy with Napier.
You can never have too many jewels . . . but I'd probably take that down a notch.
Now that's a watch.
The '70s were all about the gold, baby.
That's quite the hat.
Sheesh, wearing all this jewelry is tiring.
Put rings on all the fingers!
Go for the gold.
This Christmas, wear some snakes.
Let yourself . . . dress like a gypsy?
Alright, just a little creepy.
I'm just tired of playing games, let's go to Zales!
I think that may be one too many bracelets.
We'd totally rock this patriotic eye shadow look if we could pull it off.
Gotta keep up with those Browns.
Spun sugar in Easter-ready colors.
The lady wears nothing but her snake arm jewelry.
And do they double as a hat?
So wait, are these "pretend pearls" edible?
Glad you're not mad about the haircut, Samson.
What else you got tucked in your tunic, Napoleon? Is that a diamond necklace or you just happy to see me?
This was back when matchy-matchy was all the rage.
Come on, let yourself glow, what are you waiting for?
Don't look at me, just my jewels.
"Because an engagement ring is a symbol of your love" . . . so it better be big.
Tiffany diamonds — still sparkly after all these years.
Someone you love is hoping for a Hamilton . . . but if she's hoping for a ring, a watch might not be a good idea.
It's an ad with artistic flair.
"White is so chic!"
This woman is very dramatic about her jewelry.
It's a special ring . . . so it's only for someone special.
We're green with envy of this glamorously jeweled woman.
Aw, this watch sent a kiss from a soldier.
Let's bring back love lockets, what do you think?
Let's hope the marriage lasts as long as the ring!
Love her flapper look.
Is anyone else confused as to why this question ends with an exclamation mark!
Hungry? Have a big bowl of ice cream.
Surprise, it's not an engagement ring; it's a box of chocolates!
Spoonful of Crisco? Don't worry, it's digestible!
Have a chilled Milky Way that's definitely not laced with arsenic.
Only one gram of sugar per serving . . . and only 100,000 servings per candy bar!
Teach 'em to love candy young!
What time is it? Time to start making your own dessert!
Capture his heart (and clog his arteries) with cake!
That's not dirt from me dropping it on the ground, it's coconut!
I'm sorry . . . for giving you diabetes.
Almost 50 percent of America's children don't get enough sugar . . . so feed 'em go go juice!
Hostess cakes: adding zest to you life since 1930.
My, what nice "snow balls" you have.
It's my party and I'll eat Hostess cakes if I want to.
Get out, you bought those?!
The next generation of homemakers.
Is that wallpaper magic? Is it even on a wall? And did they really try to tie-in wallpapering with "Wall's" ice cream?
We go together like bananas and pie.
All the cool people carry their Twinkies in handbags.
We're the women, so we make the sweets.
A nice, light dessert . . . made with Crisco!
This chocolate bar's the size of my body!
Keep feeding the kids diabetes, it's yummy!
You disgusted me before, but now that you've given me chocolate I'm strangely aroused.
If it's such a "colorful assortment," why is it called "White Heather"?
Forget the husband, where's the cake?
Is this ad hinting at sexual innuendo?
Mister, maybe you should cut back on the candy.
White on white: just as boring on a cake as on your body.
If at first you don't succeed . . . just kill yourself.
Is she serving me cake or about to kill me?
I don't know about you, but I don't trust square ice cream.
So fresh, they come straight from the freezer!
Break me off a piece of that Mellan-Mal.
It's nuts! Like me!
Kitchen tip: stick your nose into cakes before serving.
I hate when things get fudgy.
I'm confused, he still loves you in the kitchen?
I feel a sugar coma coming on!
Third time's a charm.
Nothing like fueling up for a swim with candy bars.
I like big hats and chocolates.
That guy is giving me a bad vibe.
For girls who like threesomes.
Look into my eyes! And my swirly cake!
Nothing says fancy cakes like pretzel decorations.
Expensive? Not a bit, m'lady.
Yep, they even had cake mix in the '20s.
No, I haven't.
Remember: men love Swans Down cake (and the girls who bake them)!
A game so hardcore it can be found in Amazonian jungles.
Sweet shades. And crimped hair.
There are so many things wrong with this.
Hey, I think she needs a gun, too.
This is what you had in mind for a sexy night in, right?
I'll just stay back here, right behind you.
Holli would what if she could? I'm confused.
Nothing says pinball like red leather and sexy stockings.
Nice hiding spot.
Even in that hot ensemble?
Not wearing underwear during a tennis match doesn't seem like a good idea.
Watch out, here comes the femme fatale of the game world — Ms. Pac-Man.
Barbie went digital in the '90s with the Barbie Fashion Designer CD-Rom for your PC.
These were so great . . . I wonder if I still have my old ones.
I always look my sexiest when heading to the arcade.
Millipede — so magical you'll forget to put your groceries away!
It's Beauty and the Sega.
Sweet wheels, ladies.
It's an adventure you'll have to sea to believe.
It's game-date night.
Girls like computers, too! Who knew?
I spent hours on these Tiger handheld games!
It's a game . . . and a conversation-starting art piece!
In the early, early days of gaming, girls made it into nonsexist ads, like this one from Atari.
Show your American pride with your shelving.
The patriotic Mrs. Jones drinks from a chipped teacup.
Shave for a cause.
Don't waste food, please. Make this "delicious"-looking hot-dog dish.
She looks pretty desperate for patriotism.
Help the wounded by donating blood.
Join the patriotic league.
Building morale, one beer at a time.
Can your food for victory.
Have some good old-fashioned American toast.
Wake up, America!
Love this Uncle Sam-styled lady.
This lipstick puts the fireworks to shame!
Another great Coca-Cola ad featuring a military maiden.
We can do it, indeed!
Miss America chooses Lucky Strike.
Young America looks like a lot of fun!
Sow the seeds of victory!
We'd totally rock this patriotic eye shadow look if we could pull it off.
This is such a pretty ad for the Red Cross.
Uncle Sam looks like he's checking this gal out.
We love seeing a military lady in vintage ads.
Throw on some American-flag-themed tops for a festive Fourth of July.
Clairol will give you patriotic tresses!
Introducing white fitness wear . . . the indelible tampon-ad image of the latter half of the 20th century.
I've got a secret . . . I'm on my period!
Fly a kite. Jump off a diving board. Golf. That's what she has to do today.
Don't just be wise, be Tampax wise!
If life is what you make it, then your period is sheet music and sun.
When I think tampons, I think glamorous fashion.
I'm OK, you're OK. I'm on my period, you are not.
I'm on my period — wheeeeee!
You don't want to be caught unprotected, after all.
Act like a 10-year-old at camp by day and 25-year-old bridesmaid by late afternoon.
It sucks being a girl.
A carefree girl multitasks. She can fence, think about riding her horse, and plan her wedding while having her period.
Got any secret longings? This 1940s ad helps you out: "Daydreams are just as important as diplomas! So hang on to yours. Who knows . . . Someday you (yes, you!) may keep a theatre spellbound while you play a great love scene. Or you might be a celebrated writer, fashion designer, or top-flight radio star! Or maybe the altar is your goal. . . . Well — daydreams can come true! But it takes more than wishing to get what you want! For one thing — it takes plenty of self-confidence and poise. On trying days of the month especially . . ."
Good thing '60s hair was big!
Even flappers needed protection in the 1930s.
This is my favorite! Not only is she swimming in white, but she's dreaming about all the other activities she can do.
Why was I born a woman? Kotex explains in this 1940s ad: "Ever get mad at the world . . . at the unfairness of your lot? Ever hear a voice inside you whisper: 'Better not go out . . . you won't have any fun?' And do you ever wonder why some girls always seem to keep smiling, no matter what time of the month it is? If only you could learn their secret! Well, you're not too old to learn! What you need is a lesson on how to grow a crop of confidence! How to be gay! How to be carefree! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Remember . . . an ounce of confidence is worth a pound of makeup. And to be sure of yourself on 'difficult days,' you need the kind of confidence Kotex sanitary napkins give."
Let's make a dream sequence as literal as possible?
For that menacing time of the month.
If you can't trust a woman who flipped her way into America's heart to tell you about maxi pads, who can you trust?
Pads and an evening gown? Why the hell not!
More of the day-to-night campaign. If all you do is swim by day and formal party by night.
Modess: the silent purchase.
New Freedom kicks Stayfree to the curb in this creepy '70s ad.
"All of you have seen women who seem so vital, so alive, that you'd swear they were the older sisters of their own daughters. The chances are these women seem young because they 'think young' — even about such delicate problems as the proper method of monthly sanitary protection."
Live your life unhandicapped . . . with Kotex.
Like Cracker Jacks — you get a prize! Only, it's not a toy. It helps you figure out when you're going to get your period again. Hooray.
Even the Princess of Wales would order "Horse-Action Saddles" (seen in this ad), proven to treat hysteria.
This vintage vibrator will stimulate your, um, gums? You have to admit it takes disguising sex toys as health products to a whole new disgusting level.
This $4.95 vibrator promised to help your complexion! Uh huh, sure.
Many of the symptoms of female hysteria, which in the 19th century was believed to afflict a quarter of all women, included sexual fantasies, pelvic heaviness, and vaginal lubrication. Today, we'd call those symptoms of being sexually repressed.
Since vibrators were considered a home appliance in their early days, it wasn't inappropriate for them to be sold and advertised in publications like a Sears catalog or a Woman's Home Companion magazine. One Sears description called the vibrator "very useful and satisfactory for home service."
One of the inaugural vibrators was a steam-powered device called the "Manipulator," developed by American physician George Taylor, MD, in 1869. Then in 1880, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first electromechanical vibrator. I wouldn't have wanted to be a test dummy for those devices!
Wow, just wow.
If a woman couldn't possibly open a bottle of ketchup without asking for a man's help back in 1953, then why didn't they just eliminate the middle (wo)man and empower the man to open the bottle and — gasp! — serve his damn self? It was only logical, darling.
The good old days! When we could ask these questions and sell postage meters . . .
They sure had an odd way of advertising pants back in the day. Let's feature a woman in her underwear surrounded by guys wearing Broomsticks brand pants. (Broomsticks?!) The copy underneath the picture suggests that the "play" at work that Broomsticks pants inspire involves sexually harassing "Rosie. Or Carol. Or Eleanor, etc." (You know women — all equally harassable and interchangeable, especially when practically naked at work.) Talk about casual Friday gone wrong.
"Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things." Thanks, VW, for pointing that out.
Dave could at the very least throw her a can of Lysol.
If I knew all I had to do to look "cute" on a daily basis is guzzle down a few vitamins, as well as cook, clean, and dust for a patronizing male punk, then — where's my shot glass? "Vixen" by way of vodka is more the look I'm going for.
This vintage ad reminds us of something any viewer of Mad Men already knows: using a copy machine used to be a woman's job, and only a woman's job. If I were these women, I might demand something else besides long, short, and dimensional copies. How about less polyester . . . or men who know that they, too, have the ability to make copies?
God, you know what's sexier? Stuffed animals.
It's nice to have the head of a girl with the fur of a tiger around the house. Rwwor!
Everyone knows that babes love a man in a hot convertible! But in addition to helping you triumph with the women, the "Triumph" car itself is very sexy. The copy for this ad reads: "No matter how hard you push her, the TR6 always seems to have lots more in reserve. Of course, it's not the easiest car in the world to drive. But in the hands of a man who knows his way around the chicane the TRG responds magnificently, providing a very personal kind of satisfaction."
This is what a working woman looks like according to a 1950s Jantzen bathing suit ad. I guess it's better than being stuck in the kitchen, right? Either way, I'll have what she's having.
And I thought stomach-stapling was extreme!
Skin cancer will make you look "sleek and exciting" like the women of St. Tropez.
Tell this to the emaciated dudes who populate my neighborhood. (Better yet, tell their cute girlfriends!) Seriously, just squeeze his skinny ass into some skinny jeans, throw on a black hoodie, and put some white Ray Bans on his peepers and voilà! Hipster dude. Ironized yeast tablets were sure to help skinny men of 1939; it's "science!"
Wow. This coat really does wonders, since this woman looks pretty slender to me. Must be a magical coat, too — it cost $145 in 1953 dollars, which is equivalent to $1,158 today!
The Model 25 Nose Shaper from 1930 promised to improve your personal appearance by "remolding the cartilage and fleshy parts of your nose." What they don't say, but which is plainly visible, is that in the process of attaining that better nose (uh huh, right), you would have had to wear what is essentially a bra for your nose. And who exactly was promising this nonsense? "M. Trilety, Pioneering Nose-shaping Specialist." Oh, that guy!
An ad in the April 1956 issue of Mademoiselle offers diets for all types of "fat girls." For 25 cents, you can try the diet for "large busts" or the diet for women with "fat stomachs and thick waistlines." There's even one for girls who crave sweets!
If the fashion industry can bring back high-waisted jeans, they can bring back normal sized women as the ideal. I almost don't believe this ad for Kelp-A-Malt tablets from the 1934 issue of "Physical Culture" is real because it's hard to imagine a time when being a stick was not ideal. Having said that, I can "add 5 lbs of solid flesh" in one day. It's called nachos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Take that, Kelp-A-Malt!
This bra resembles heavy machinery.
This one frightens me.
Are you sure it wasn't a nightmare?
Those are two well-supported arguments.
When I look at this vintage ad, I think three things. First, apparently Lady Gaga did not invent the hair bow. Second, who plays pool topless? And third, how long until pointy bras make a comeback? Madonna made them famous on stage in the '80s, but will ordinary women ever want to look this perky again?
This one is beautiful. I would love to blow it up and put it in my bathroom, but I can't decide if that would be weird.
You're definitely walking the twins.
This bra can totally help you make sweet music.
Yeah she did.
This one's just hot.
These dolls, which are fun for anyone aged 6 to 60 (sorry if you just turned 61), rush together to kiss as soon as they're placed near each other. I'm not sure if the smooching lookalikes are supposed to be narcissistic, incestuous, or homoerotic? Either way, they only cost 50 cents.
Anyone else think "Cube Lube" is code for something else?
If you try to read between the lines, this ad for a girls-only hotel for "women who know" seems like it's promoting a spot for secret lesbian liaisons. Although, I could see the appeal to a place like this for a woman traveling alone. Plus, it's cheap!
Before there was online porn, there was the Interlude computer game. Apparently, people would shell out money for a manual and computer disk filled with someone else's sexual fantasies. Anything to keep your love life from being routine, predictable, or boring!
Every era has its favorite place for "making love." In the '60s, it was anywhere, but preferably in nature. In the '80s, in a boardroom on a conference table after everyone else had left the building. In the '70s? For some reason, folks loved doin' the nasty on rugs, in front of fireplaces, while mood lighting and music enhanced the scene. I guess for couples who wanted to swing but were afraid to, the Love Rug gently inducted them into three-ways: "As you stroke, it strokes. The incredibly soft, furlike fibers caress your bodies from head to toe. It's almost like having another lover there with the two of you." A furry rug lover. Sounds sexy to me!
This "Happy Legs" polyester pantsuit is shameful in itself. But perhaps it will divert the attention away from Rebecca's sexual shame come Monday morning.
I wonder if the physiology info in this 1963 Arrid ad still holds water. Basically, it says that women have two kinds of perspiration, one from physical exertion, and the other from, well, horniness. (The kind Arrid takes care of.) It seems to me they were just banking on the shame of women who didn't want anyone to see that their sexuality was showing. "You don't wanna be a sweaty ho, do you now?" the ad seems to ask.
For $69, those looking to spice up their phone calls could have owned this "conversation piece" belonging to the same genre as that leg lamp in A Christmas Story. The ad reminds us that the phone was sculptured by a European artist, which makes it totally classy and not at all tacky. However, judging by the photo, it's not so easy to talk on a naked-lady phone. Oh well.
I don't want to see this man doing that position in his "birthday suit."
Something tells me Judy is a pale imitation of this model, in spite of her "life-like details." There are so many dissonant parts of this ad's chipper and upbeat message. "The most amazing, realistic and life-like companion you'll ever own!" "Just fill her with air and her body responds to your every touch." I love how one of Judy's attributes is that she's "accommodating." Talk about an understatement!
Not that everything's perfect now, but holy freaking crap! Let's just draw a woman's hot body, decapitate her, and add on the product we're selling where her head used to be (in this case, Hostess Sno-Balls), and continue our sexist ad in the writing below, because the picture doesn't quite say enough! (I'm suddenly having a craving for a well-stacked, cream-filled leggy Sno-Ball! Not.)
"Va-rice-ity" is the spice of life. And if rice is too healthy, then why not dress it up with — oh, a little bacon, sour cream, or shredded cheddar cheese? I'm sure your man will love that.
This wartime ad tells Americans to ditch their "dainty diets." The copy reads: "Whether you're a nurse or a housewife, an office worker or a riveter — this is no time to go easy on such basic food as bread. See that your family has an extra loaf every day or two." I can do that.
Man, looking at these vintage "chubby girl" clothing ads just makes me imagine the screaming matches that must've occurred between weight-obsessed mothers and their pissed-off "chubby" daughters back in the day. "Mother, if one more issue of that effing Pounds and Personality magazine comes into this house, I'm going to rip it apart page by page with my beefy limbs. Capisce?!"
Wow. It's nice to know that Lane Bryant fired its old marketing team. Now if we can just get Dress Barn to change its name . . .
How to raise your children according to a 1960s dishwasher ad. Gotta train 'em young!
Something tells me Tracy Harper did not approve this message.
Back in the 1900s, if a girl was into bad literature at 13, then she was surely on her way to becoming a flirt by 20, fully engrossed in the fast life by 26, and an outcast by age 40, thanks to her promiscuity.
If you can't get a husband, have Gay Bob instead! After all, "your mom will love" him.
When all else fails, make the cigarette look like a pack of Tarot cards.
How far have women come? Well, they didn't smoke much 100 years earlier. It wasn't until the 1920s when women took up smoking as a sign of rebellion, independence, and equality. Pretty far out, but not always a good thing.
Obviously, Salem is going for the square market during the late '60s, and this ad bores me enough to light up. The point? Perhaps.
This ad appeared in Woman's Day to promote the flavor, fun, and pinkness of Winstons.
I do not understand this ad. Do you?
The flower-cigarette connection again! Only this time, she's in charge.
If you notice, by the '60s the ads are all about taste. I thought maybe that's when menthol cigarettes were invented, but they go back to the 1920s.
If I didn't know better, I'd think this was a tampon ad.
I give this ad the highest marks. There's no man or promise of one. It's all about the woman enjoying time alone in the natural grass with her natural cigarette. It's "downright smokeable!"
"Which is the jewel?" I'm going with any that doesn't burn?
The copy for this ad doesn't really make much sense. This scowling man says he doesn't care about the length of his cigarette, but then goes on to declare that Winston Super Kings give him the extra length he wants. So, maybe in the end size does matter? I'm confused.
Yes, we get it. Parliaments will make you skinny.
Because "it's toasted."
The original mother's little helper.
Born gentle, indeed! I hear secondhand smoke induces sleep as well as asthma in babies.
Again? Nobody thought of the cigarettes as the bouquet.
Happily blended until death do us part! I would have enjoyed this ad more if she were throwing a pack of Old Golds as the bouquet. I also would enjoy that wedding more.
Do you take this man and his brand?
How innovative of Chesterfield. I wonder if it knew the slogan "packed with pleasure" could later double for a honeymoon vibrator?
Another zone? And we thought the T-zone was about oily faces.
"I really don't know if I should smoke . . ." But what else am I going to do?
This 1954 ad says Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous, and hopefully it will make you look this glamorous in a swimsuit, too!
This 1957 Budweiser ad shows a woman in virginal white looking up at her male beer provider. A bit submissive, no?
Both the men and the women at this dinner party are enjoying beer.
Actress Hedy Lamarr endorsed Schaefer beer, which was sure to get the attention of both men and women.
This woman just can't resist Bud!
This 1950s ad for the entire beer industry makes a more subtle appeal to women. It shows a couple enjoying a regular night at home, with matching his and her beers and smiles.
In 1960, this young woman couldn't keep her eyes off the beer.
The whole gang loves beer, including the women!
Even fancy harp musicians like Bud!
This 1956 ad hopes to convince housewives that Budweiser will help them win the competition for best hostess ever. The copy reads, "The beer has to be Budweiser. She says that when you're proud of a meal, why not pay it the compliment it deserves — the beer that has graced more tables than any other ever known."
A sporty woman who enjoys beer? If only we could see something like this 1952 Miller ad today. The copy tells you that this woman "knowingly selects Miller High Life . . . the Champagne of Bottle Beer."
OMG! They've discovered a nonfattening beer. At least according to this 1930s ad.
In this 1882 ad, a bar maid enjoys a stein of Bock Beer with her pal — a dressed-up goat.
We live in a friendly, freedom-loving land, so obviously we drink beer!
Hey ladies, choose your beer like you choose your men — the higher the IQ the better.
Just listening to some records and enjoying a brewski.
This beer makes me forget how tiny your TV is!
Maybe you shouldn't be drinking a beer while balancing on a ladder?
Warmer temps mean time to bust out the beer!
Beer – it can turn your party from awkward to awesome.
Popcorn and beer: who knew?
Let's get drunk and go bowling!
It's a work of art.
For the wife, mother, homemaker, and hostess who needs a DRINK.
"Wind howling, logs crackling, popcorn popping, Budweiser sparkling," reads the copy of this 1950 ad featuring a young couple. Both the man and the woman are casually enjoying a cool glass of Bud on a presumably colder day.
Can someone explain why the woman is a cow?
Ah, the luxury of sleeping in on a Sunday — some things haven't changed.
Let's all toast our coffee cups to the pearl necklace your husband awkwardly gave you at this dinner party!
For the times you want to stay up all night with your lover sober and jittery, drink coffee!
What a cheater! Can you believe she uses a coffeemaker for social gatherings instead of making it from scratch?
Maybe if I can get my man to like my coffee he'll finally pay more attention to me than the newspaper (at least until the invention of iPhones)!
It's everything a young married woman could dream of: a coffeemaker. After all, what else is there to dream of after finding a husband?
This ad uses coffee to sell dresses to women, although I don't quite get it. Is she trying to date her boss? Is she hoping for a raise so she can have espresso instead of mediocre office coffee?
Awww . . . "good coffee is like friendship: rich and warm and strong." Bad coffee is like your ex-boyfriend: bitter, lackluster, and dissatisfying.
Shopping can be such a struggle! Good thing we have coffee to brighten up our day (and our cranky hubby's day).
This has to be one of the most blatantly sexist vintage ads out there . . . and a little naughty.
When "My place or yours?" seemed too subtle.
Few men can resist the devilishly dry martini, according to the copy of this 1968 ad.
This 1935 postcard ad for Seagers features a glamorous gal.
Broadway actor Robert Goulet and his wife pose for a highbrow Heublein cocktail ad in 1966.
Night stalker Darren McGavin uses alcohol to liven things up with his wife.
"You can fix anything with a screwdriver." Use that line next time you need a drink.
"Any mug can succeed with the Smirnoff Mule," reads the copy of this ad. Maybe just don't have too many or you'll end up looking ridiculous like actor Robert Morse.
Singer Julie London makes the orange more tempting than the apple.
Smirnoff was neutral on the topic of California vs. Florida oranges. This 1963 ad says they both make great screwdrivers.
Julie Newmar, who played Catwoman on TV, goes Western for a 1966 Smirnoff ad.
She's not poisoning him, just dropping in a few drips of cognac.
This model looks a little young to be in this ad, featured in a Playboy issue from the '70s.
No, that's not astronaut Barbie in this 1966 vodka ad.
Shakespeare, minidresses, and Gordon's Gin. What will the English think of next, this ad wondered.
Premixed cocktails will help lazy guys get the girl, according to this 1976 ad.
Back in the day, the secret to unlocking a man's heart was to enhance the three Bs: boobs, butt, and
brains beauty. Brains? What brains?! Scheming up an effective "mantrap" involved no thought on the part of the woman. No thought whatsoever. It was all instinct, of course.
Stardust bras are perfect for stargazing.
Who doesn't love to raid the fridge dressed like a 3-year-old? They're having so much fun!
There's a lot going on with these undergarments, but at least they don't ride up!
There's a cone bra for everyone!
The real question is, what "something" do these nylons do for your legs?
Love how the asterisks show us what the "beauty zone" is.
Just frolicking in the field with my girlfriends in our lingerie.
What's up with the creepy cupids?
Is it just me, or does this lingerie model look like a young Gloria Steinem?
Flirt, flirt, flirt . . . with your budget?
It's the "doesn't slip" slip — looking awkward over a silver space-age bodysuit.
Is every movie star this beautiful in superconservative nighties?
What is "x" appeal?
At least they recognize that it's "delightfully ridiculous."
I've never understood see-through muumuus.
Don't be the hostess who forgets her top!
More stargazing in underwear, obviously.
This ad gets a little scandalous. "Girls who don't sleep alone" — whatever could they mean?
This elongated 1940s ad for constricting lingerie promises to help you retain your youthful beauty for years to come . . . as long as you don't stop breathing first!
More like creepy for generations.
Men may let you down, but this bra never will.
Look, it's Cousin Itt's sister!
Just hanging my laundry out to dry in my underwear.
Is it cold in here, or is it just my nipple bra?
The idea of trying on underwear before you buy (or don't buy) is pretty gross, so this vintage ad calls on you to clip out miniature undergarments and see how great they look on the paper doll instead. The panties are pretty cute, if not generously sized, and only $1 a pair — but the uncomfortable polyester blend would make me second-guess a purchase. And it's too bad the ad doesn't come with a shirt to put on this poor woman!
Chocolate makes every holiday better!
Thank God you brought the Ritz crackers, this Halloween party was starting to get boring!
Hey, maybe pantyhose are for the modern witch — thanks to Kate and Pippa they may be coming back!
Oh hey, I'm just using a sharp knife to carve a pumpkin in my underwear.
She doesn't look like she's "relaxing."
Buy witch hazel from your neighborhood witch coven.
When was the last time you saw a modern ad with a woman eating cheese and drinking beer? This ad says to me: hey, it's OK to enjoy the finer and fattier things in life every once in a while!
Another lady lights up with her pumpkin (who's apparently enjoying her ciggy). Who knew jack-o'-lanterns doubled as party lighters back in the day?
When you drink Bud all night, you won't even need a mask to have a creepy drunk face!
Trick or treat, indeed! Who said sexy Halloween costumes were a new thing?
Those were the days: when moms handed out whole candy bars, not skimpy minis!
More diet tips from vintage ads: Want to look this fabulous in a skintight leotard this Halloween? Have sugary carbonated soda!