Rory: You cannot date Luke.
Lorelai: I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
Lorelai: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
Lorelai: Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead, and try to take over the world, OK? 'Cause I want to go shoe shopping this weekend.
Rory: Promise. I will not go mad until we get you some boots.
Emily: Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say?
Emily: Is that too forward?
Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.
Rory: One of them, a married man, had a long conversation with — how shall I put this delicately? — a woman of less-than-reputable nature.
Lorelai: Do hookers charge to let you talk to them?
Rory: Depends on what they're doing when they're talking to you.
Rory: I just don't want to do or say anything else that's going to be completely moronic.
Lorelai: I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.
Rory: You're happy.
Rory: . . . Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.
Lorelai: I'm going to make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken.
Rory: That's going on your tombstone.
Rory: You just want to hold a grudge.
Lorelai: Yes. Burns more calories.
Rory: That's not true.
Lorelai: Yes, it is. How do you think your grandma got those legs of hers? She's not exactly a StairMaster gal.
Lorelai: If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.
Lorelai: I can't believe you're going to a therapist. You know, they're totally going to ask you about me.
Lorelai: They always want to ask about your mother. It's OK. Say whatever you want. But make sure you start with "my mother's very hot."
Rory: Yes, that won't seem at all disturbing to the doctor.