"Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate."
— Joan, Mad Men
“I don’t need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.”
— Liz, 30 Rock
"Sophisticated with a hint of slutty."
— Leslie, Parks and Recreation
"I don't even want a boyfriend. . . . I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, and thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me."
— Hannah, Girls
"Move on from what? We dated for like a week. It was like getting over mild food poisoning."
— Amy, Veep
"Men hate surprises. Didn't you have Lucy in Canada?"
— Peggy, Mad Men
"No one wants to kiss a girl in black. "
— Violet, Downton Abbey
"No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them."
— Claire, Modern Family
"If Sheldon ever proposed to me during sex, my ovaries would hang on to him and never let go."
— Amy, The Big Bang Theory
"It would be too much pressure to date God."
— Zoey, Nurse Jackie
"My first husband: very handsome but too crazy. It seemed like all we did was fight and make love. Fight and make love. Fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out the window together."
— Gloria, Modern Family
Olivia: "I don't want normal, and easy, and simple. I want . . ."
Edison: "What? What do you want, Olivia?"
Olivia: "I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. Don't you want that, too?"
— Olivia, Scandal
"True love always springs from true hate. I'll admit, in the past I've fantasized about waking up with Will's head on the pillow next to me, except now I picture it attached to the rest of his body.
— Sue, Glee
"Whatever it is, I'll tell you this — I do not like it when you don't talk to me. The worst thing you can do is shut me out."
— Skyler, Breaking Bad
"I don't want to be his Queen. I want to go home."
— Daenerys, Game of Thrones
"Do you need a sex tape release? Because I've got a weird one. It's night vision, and you can see that his buddy is robbing me."
— Jenna, 30 Rock
"I need some time to figure out if you're the love of my life or a pathological liar."
— Jackie, Nurse Jackie
Dan: "I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence."
Selina: "That's like trying to use a croissant as a f*ckin' dildo."
— Selina, Veep
Jason: "I'd say you owe me dinner, Carrie. Possibly even sex."
Carrie: "Holy fuck!"
Jason: "Well, I wouldn't go that far."
Carrie: Running out of the room "Jesus Christ."
— Carrie, Homeland
"Oh, alright, let's see. My husband asked me for a divorce, and I have to go home and tell my children, which is going to ruin their lives. Deacon kissed me in an elevator, and I'm on tour with Juliette Barnes. So, cheers."
— Rayna, Nashville
Richard: "I want you to marry me."
Richard: "Because I think very highly of you."
Mary: "'Very highly.' Goodness."
Richard: "I mean it. I think we'd do well together. We could be a good team."
Mary: "Now that sounds better. But I can't help thinking that tradition demands a little mention of love."
— Mary, Downton Abbey
"Unfortunately, the court does not recognize the doctrine of Immaculate Conception."
— Diane, The Good Wife