"I don't have friends who have kids, so it's going to be an interesting experience to learn how to change a diaper. I hope I don't have any problems where the diaper falls off and the baby [poops] on the ground."
"Oh man, I'm not even getting into what I do to pamper Jenna. I'm doing anything that she asks for. She jokes to me all the time by saying, 'If I feel good, then the baby feels good or if I'm happy, then the baby is happy.' And I'm like, 'That is such an urban myth. You're just saying that to get me to do everything for you.'"
"Yeah, she calls me [the Sexiest Man Alive] now."
"I never enjoyed the taking-the-clothes-off part. You are on a stage with people yelling at you, and you feel you're a rock star, but you're nothing — you're just a guy taking off his clothes, looking like a fool in a stupid outfit."
"I think it's always a competition with guys, especially when you gotta be naked and letting it all out if you know what I mean. . . . Guys look like fools in their underwear walking around and trying to be sexy on stage naked."
"I'm ready; I think she's ready. The first number that pops into my head is three, but I just want one to be healthy and then we'll see where we go after that. It's really easy for us guys to say, 'I want like 15 kids.' Jenna will be like, 'Well you better get another wife!'"
"I've been acting for eight years now, and I feel I'm just starting to understand things. As soon as you think you're the sh*t, you'll find 100 people that will point at you and laugh. I don't ever want to be that person — I want to keep finding people I can learn from. That's my entire journey in life."
"It was a collection of women being like, 'I have to tip him,' and then the weight of all the dollar bills in their hands just took [his thong] off."
"It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I've been to the hospital, gotten stitches, had broken fingers and toes. But this was a suffocating kind of pain. Now my penis is fantastic! One hundred percent recovered. Put me back in the game, Coach."
"I don't care. If they don't like me because I voted for Obama, then f*ck them. I like horses and I like Obama. Nothin' wrong with that."
"There are so many things I want to do. Like, I want to get an artist, a musician, a photographer, and a bunch of dancers that I know and just travel across Africa and just film it and just see what happens. Do and learn as much as I possibly can. Luckily, I have a lot more time."
"I got crazy lucky. Like, sometimes I think I won the lottery or something. At times it feels like the bottom's gonna fall out. Just 'cause I don't really know how I got here. But I just keep moving forward, and it just keeps getting better and better."
"I've been wanting to talk about this forever! You have publicists and managers saying no, and I'm like, 'Mmm-mmm, it's gonna come out. I never wanted to hide it. . . . I'm happy I did it. I'm not proud, because it's not something to be proud of, but I had an experience that only one out of a thousand — a million — people can say they've ever had. I've been through this crazy sort of life, and I came out the other side fairly unscathed."