Harry Burns: "And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend you don't even keep in touch with?"
Sally Albright: "Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."
"I'm in love? No! Oh, that's right, I'm in love with Frank. I'm practically living with Frank."
"Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental."
"I just wanted to spend the night with you, not eternity!"
"You're afraid of the commitment? You're gonna have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds."
"No matter what I might seem like tonight, it's still the same old me from yesterday you wind up with tomorrow."
"I sleep naked. It's the only way I'm comfortable, so don't think of it as a come-on, because if you so much as breathe in my direction, I will nail your willy to that beam."
Woman on airplane: "Don't you just hate flying?"
Annie Reed: "Yes, I do, and I just told the most terrible one to the man I'm about to marry. Do you feel that any lie is a betrayal?"
Woman on airplane: "I said FLYING."
"Take me to bed or lose me forever."
Joe Fox: "Don't cry, Shopgirl. Don't cry."
Kathleen Kelly: "I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."
"No dying now, Mr. Messinger. Not until you give me Seth's phone number."
"Yes it is. You are a human affront to all women, and I am a woman."
Maggie: "You know Sam, French men are very small."
Maggie: "But not this guy. It's like Godzilla's tail! He could take down Tokyo with that thing!"
"Listen, I don't know what happens next. I'm just going to keep loving you and I'm going to keep hoping you let me into your life. I will make mistakes, of course, but I'll always be there for you."
Sally Albright: "Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these 'days of the week' underpants. . . . They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, 'You never wear Sunday.' It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me."
Harry Burns: "What?"
Sally Albright: "They don't make Sunday."
Harry Burns: "Why not?"
Sally Albright: "Because of God."
Patricia: "That outfit's wearing you, Felix."
Joe Banks: "Why are you calling me Felix. My name is Joe."
Patricia: "I am calling you Felix because I do what I want."
"You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."
"You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3 o' clock in the morning and go clean your andirons, and you don't even have a fireplace, not that I would know this."
Sally Albright: "The first date back is always the toughest, Harry."
Harry Burns: "You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?"
Sally Albright: "How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?"
"Well, if he's not here, he has a reason, because there is not a cruel or careless bone in his body. But I wouldn't expect you to understand anybody like that. You with your theme park, multilevel, homogenize-the-world mochaccino land. You've deluded yourself into thinking that you're some sort of benefactor, bringing books to the masses. But no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. And maybe no one will remember me, either, but plenty of people remember my mother, and they think she was fine, and they think her store was something special. You are nothing but a suit!"
Kathleen Kelly: "In the last mayoral election, when Rudy Giuliani was running against Ruth Messenger, I went to get a manicure and forgot to vote."
Frank Navasky: "Since when do you get manicures?"
Kathleen Kelly: "Oh, I suppose you could never be with a woman who got manicures."
About her husband having an affair: "I mean, how could I not have known? Three months ago, he bought cowboy boots!"
"Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney."
"I wanted everything to be perfect. I was 18. Jeff the Jock, my basement, Valentine's Day, Jeopardy! on in the background. . . Jeff said it would last longer with the show on to distract him. Got all the answers wrong except for sports. By Double Jeopardy!, he was done; by Final Jeopardy!, he was on his way home."
"(Singing) I hate Paris in the springtime. I hate Paris in the Fall. I hate Paris in the Summer when it sizzles. I hate Paris in the Winter when it drizzles. I hate Paris, oh why oh why do I hate Paris? Because my love is there . . . with his slut girlfriend."
Maggie: "Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number? Are you married?"
Maggie: "Are you homeless?"
Maggie: "Are you a drummer?"
"I think I could love you again if you could, for once, say, 'I don't know.'"
"I figure the bed's one of those vibratin' numbers, so that explains all the quarters. Nobody could possibly fancy pretzel twists that much, so I reckon you won some kinda weird contest. As for the condoms, well, either you got a yen for cheerleadin' squads or we had the night of all nights. Whatever, there's an explanation. As for the blue chicken, I need a little help with that one."
"I gave birth to a nine-pound baby, asshole. I think I can handle it."
"A relationship ending is like a death just two people know about. A whole life gets lost, everything we did together. All the places we traveled, the fights, the small moments of tenderness."
Pauline: "What does 'broccoli' mean?"
Frannie: "Depends on the context. Pubic hair or marijuana. It's a noun."
Pauline: "And 'Virginia'?"
Frannie: "Vagina. As in, 'He penetrated her Virginia with a hammer.'"
Henry Durand: "You — you have a boyfriend?"
Martha Durand: "A boyfriend? No . . . hell no. I'm not gonna make the same mistake I made with your father."
Henry Durand: "OK, good."
Martha Durand: "I have several boyfriends."
Pamela: "You actually put your dick in this woman?"
Jim Morrison: "Well . . . sometimes, yeah."
Ian: "Let's talk this through. Let's work our marriage out, you and I. Even if it's only for 15 minutes."
Louise: "Are you just saying that because you're taped to a toilet?"
"You know, my father used to say that the three primary colors of grief are despair, pain, and anger. But that it's the nature of crystals to scatter light so that in all of our grief there are other spectrums, other colors. Like the color courage, the color strength, and the color love. He'd try and put physics over a sentence."