Punny Depictions of History's Cleverest Women

Anne Frankenstein

The Concept: "The Manhattan Project is best known for inventing the atom bomb, but that wasn't its only creation. The scientists of this clandestine research program worked in the secret annex of their secret laboratory, behind the secret bookshelf in their secret building to create Anne Frankenstein — one part precocious Jewess, one part Gestapo-strangling monster. Some claim she was never deployed, but how does one account for Nazi soldiers found dead with finger-shaped bruises around their necks?"

The Real Deal: Anne Frank is one of the most important figures from the Holocaust thanks to her heartfelt diary that's touched millions around the world.

Ayn Rand McNally

The Concept: "The atlas appeared out of nowhere — as big as a car and as heavy as that same car. Folks gathered and cried, 'Let's move it together!' Ayn could only laugh as she spat into both hands, bent at the knees, and cleanly jerked the tome up. With the weight of the entire world's geography bearing down on her tiny frame, she shrugged and said to the stunned crowd, 'The only way to get things done around here is to do it yourself.'"

The Real Deal: A Russian-American writer, Ayn Rand is known for penning the novel Atlas Shrugged. And Rand McNally? That's a US publisher of — you guessed it — atlases.

Crowco Chanel

The Concept: "Determined to be more than just another corvine orphan, Crowco channeled her industrious spirit and deft claw-beak coordination to usher in a new era of avian fashion — one fish bone, strand of hair, and burlap scrap at a time. Her sleek silhouettes and murderous perfumes led Harper's Cawzaar to trill, 'The chick who hasn't at least one Crowco best leave the flock. CU-CAW!'"

The Real Deal: The fashion world will forever thank the universe for French designer Coco Chanel, who brought us iconic pieces like the classic quilted bag.

Jane Eyre Guitar

The Concept: "Even though he couldn’t hear the righteous solos and earsplitting riffs, Brocklehurst cowered in fear. He knew that Jane was coming to melt his face off."

The Real Deal: Jane Eyre was a fictional character in the book of the same name, but she may as well have come to life thanks to our intimate look into her thoughts and emotions.

Isadora Pumpkin

The Concept: "As a Pumpkin, Isadora was expected to uphold the family name by winning the title of World's Heaviest Gourd, an honor the Pumpkins carried for decades. But little Isadora had no interest in gaining 1,500 pounds. In fact, only the power of movement moved her — so much so that she won the first Best Dancing Gourd Award. Unfortunately, her rise to patch popularity was cut short; she died tragically when her vines got tangled in a chucking catapult."

The Real Deal: Isadora Duncan rose to fame as a dancer in the US and Russia in the early 20th century; her life was cut short at age 50 after a tragic car accident.

Eleanor Bruiservelt

The Real Deal: Eleanor Roosevelt didn't take a backseat to the president in the 1930s and '40s. She's credited for changing the role of first lady thanks to her active participation in politics and humanitarian work.

Clamity Jane

The Concept: "Schools of bandits feared her. Wild Krill Hickock and his pod of brothers revered her. Around these salty parts, those who crossed Clamity Jane left with their caudal fins between their other fins."

The Real Deal: Consider Calamity Jane, or Martha Jane Cannary, a folk hero of the Old West; the frontierswoman is perhaps best remembered for her relationship with the legendary "Wild Bill" Hickok.

Joan D'Aardvark

The concept: "As the dust cleared, Joan lifted her tattered Oriflamme into the morning air, wiped away the dead from her snout, and, with a mighty cry, charged forward into the never-ending onslaught of soldier ants — all for Mother France."

The Real Deal: She's a saint, she's a folk heroine — Joan of Arc claims plenty of accomplishments aside from leading the French army to victory in the 15th century.

Charlotte Brontosaurus

The concept: "Hampered by an avian respiratory system, a reptilian resting metabolism, and four left feet, Charlotte Brontosaurus wasn't too fond of physical activity, and instead passed the time writing. Her indoor dino ways led to the creation of the most critically acclaimed book of the Toarcian period, Jane Eyre. Originally publishing the novel under the pseudonym Currer Belodon to avoid sauropod discrimination, Charlotte eventually revealed herself and spent the rest of her days sipping decanted swamp water among high-society megareptiles."

The Real Deal: English author Charlotte Brontë is best known for writing Jane Eyre in 1847, but did you know she first wrote it under the pen name Currer Bell?

Georgia O'Wreath

The Real Deal: Often considered one of the most prominent artists of the 20th century, Georgia O'Keeffe stands out for her memorable American landscape paintings, among other works.

Eudora Whalety

The Real Deal: Ever read The Optimist's Daughter? You're probably familiar with the work of Eudora Welty, a 20th-century, Pulitzer Prize-winning, book-writing American author.

Betsy Ross Perot

The concept: "Though her large, protruding lobes were the object of many a lustful suitor, three husbands, and countless other lovers, it was her clever needlework and business acumen that would melt the hearts of America's founding fathers. Known as the Quaker State's fastest, richest Quaker, Ms. Perot tried to run for president, but she realized that she was better at sewing national treasures instead."

The Real Deal: Love the American flag? Of course you do! Credit seamstress Betsy Ross for creating the first version (at least that's how the story goes, anyway).

Amelia Bearheart

The concept: "Even as a young cub, Amelia Bearheart wanted to soar high above the forest floor behind the wheel of a bird of steel. 'Think of the adventure that awaits!' she'd roar. The others laughed, 'Bears can't fly. Let alone a lady bear.' Never one to be discouraged, Amelia took to flight like a tomboy to trousers. Strapped into her trademark Lockheed Electra, she became the first ever bear and lady to fly to a deserted island."

The Real Deal: Amelia Earhart will go down in history for being the first female pilot to fly alone across the Atlantic Ocean, and we're still intrigued by her 1939 disappearance today.