This Is Why You Should Be a Country Music Fan

Depending on where your musical allegiances lie, you may or may not know that once all the grass has been thoroughly ripped up from two rowdy weekends in Coachella Valley, a very dusty, very country music festival takes place at the same Empire Polo Club in Indio, CA. I know, because I just attended it for the sixth year this past weekend. I clearly love the genre, but if you're having a hard time warming up to songs about boots and honky-tonks, I'd like to introduce you to the sexy side of country music with a purely physical recap of this year's Stagecoach Music Festival. And remember: Save a horse. Ride a cowboy.

Because Eric Church looks like this.
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Because Eric Church looks like this.

And when he gets all serious playing the guitar, he looks like this.
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And when he gets all serious playing the guitar, he looks like this.

And his butt in those tight jeans.
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And his butt in those tight jeans.

And even when he looks kinda mad, he's like really, really hot.
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And even when he looks kinda mad, he's like really, really hot.

But he's also got a fun side!
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But he's also got a fun side!

Because Hunter Hayes is like a sexy baby country version of Justin Bieber.
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Because Hunter Hayes is like a sexy baby country version of Justin Bieber.

And you get really confused, because you're like, he's a baby! (He's 22.)
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And you get really confused, because you're like, he's a baby! (He's 22.)

And he plays the drums and has that cute hair-flip thing.
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And he plays the drums and has that cute hair-flip thing.

And that face . . .
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And that face . . .

Oh, and he's actually really talented.
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Oh, and he's actually really talented.

Yum.
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Yum.

Because Luke Bryan literally just made me pass out.
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Because Luke Bryan literally just made me pass out.

And he gets superserious, and I die.
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And he gets superserious, and I die.

And then we get a tiny peek at his stomach and die again.
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And then we get a tiny peek at his stomach and die again.

Did I mention he has charisma oozing from his pores?
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Did I mention he has charisma oozing from his pores?

And that sly little grin.
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And that sly little grin.

And when he flexes his biceps, a thousand angels sing.
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And when he flexes his biceps, a thousand angels sing.

And he can like really pull off a baseball cap.
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And he can like really pull off a baseball cap.

Because, come on.
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Because, come on.

Plus, he's a total goofball and took a selfie with a little girl in the front row.
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Plus, he's a total goofball and took a selfie with a little girl in the front row.

Even his bandmates look good.
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Even his bandmates look good.

Because Florida Georgia Line's Brian Kelley rocks that dimpled-bad-boy thing.
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Because Florida Georgia Line's Brian Kelley rocks that dimpled-bad-boy thing.

And Tyler Hubbard ain't bad either.
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And Tyler Hubbard ain't bad either.

You know, if you're into tattooed country/rap/rock star types.
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You know, if you're into tattooed country/rap/rock star types.

I repeat: dimples.
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I repeat: dimples.

Bad boy never looked so good.
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Bad boy never looked so good.

Because Dustin Lynch drinks his beers like this.
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Because Dustin Lynch drinks his beers like this.

And he's 100 percent pure cowboy.
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And he's 100 percent pure cowboy.

And those jeans . . . yikes.
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And those jeans . . . yikes.

Um, and dimples!
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Um, and dimples!

Cheers to a megawatt smile.
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Cheers to a megawatt smile.

He definitely passes the butt test.
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He definitely passes the butt test.

Because Jason Aldean may not be the hottest, but he can still work tight jeans.
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Because Jason Aldean may not be the hottest, but he can still work tight jeans.

And his sexy songs make up for it.
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And his sexy songs make up for it.

Seriously, look up his music.
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Seriously, look up his music.

Because Thomas Rhett is a sort of hairy, grungy cowboy . . . in a cute way.
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Because Thomas Rhett is a sort of hairy, grungy cowboy . . . in a cute way.

And, well, you know where I'm going with this.
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And, well, you know where I'm going with this.

Because I don't know who Dave Simonett of Trampled by Turtles is, but he's really hot.
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Because I don't know who Dave Simonett of Trampled by Turtles is, but he's really hot.

Because if you're into that baby-faced cowboy look, Jon Pardi has you covered.
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Because if you're into that baby-faced cowboy look, Jon Pardi has you covered.

He's just a good ol' country boy.
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He's just a good ol' country boy.

Or if you're into a tattooed alt-rock crossover look, there's Franky Perez.
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Or if you're into a tattooed alt-rock crossover look, there's Franky Perez.

And if you like beefy, camo-wearing country rockers, there's Brantley Gilbert.
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And if you like beefy, camo-wearing country rockers, there's Brantley Gilbert.

There's even a bearded ginger — Eric Paslay!
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There's even a bearded ginger — Eric Paslay!

And if you squint your eyes, Sam Outlaw sort of looks like Justin Theroux.
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And if you squint your eyes, Sam Outlaw sort of looks like Justin Theroux.

And if you like mullets . . . Yeah, OK. Too far.
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And if you like mullets . . . Yeah, OK. Too far.

But hey, Dan Smyers and Shay Mooney of Dan + Shay are pretty adorable.
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But hey, Dan Smyers and Shay Mooney of Dan + Shay are pretty adorable.

And Dan Smyers has a Darren Criss vibe going on.
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And Dan Smyers has a Darren Criss vibe going on.

There's even a Canadian country singer: Corb Lund.
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There's even a Canadian country singer: Corb Lund.

Then there's Jackson White, who kind of looks like he belongs in a British boy band (he's actually in a band with Katey Sagal).
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Then there's Jackson White, who kind of looks like he belongs in a British boy band (he's actually in a band with Katey Sagal).

For folksy gals looking for a guy who can play the washboard, there's this guy from Spirit Family Reunion.
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For folksy gals looking for a guy who can play the washboard, there's this guy from Spirit Family Reunion.

And this James Dean look-alike.
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And this James Dean look-alike.

Whiskey Shivers is here to satisfy your mohawk attraction.
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Whiskey Shivers is here to satisfy your mohawk attraction.

Calico has the shaggy-haired accordion player of your dreams.
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Calico has the shaggy-haired accordion player of your dreams.

Into banjo-playing hipsters, you say? Meet Charlie Worsham.
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Into banjo-playing hipsters, you say? Meet Charlie Worsham.

In conclusion: butts.
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In conclusion: butts.