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a mom-to-be..i don't know what i feel?'

a mom-to-be..i don't know what i feel?'

first of all, am not married yet. i am in a wonderfull relation with a great man, i moved in with him last year, and we agreed we'll do all we wantand live all the couples life before having babies - after marriage of course-.
we planned to get married in dec2011, so i felt tired and we went to doctor and he told me am pregnant, i am not on a pill and we were drunk that he ignored the condomn, i felt all my dreams about my studies, around the world tours, parties just vanished and i felt i'll loose the love of my life too, he wasn't ready for this child, so i told him i'll get an abortion, and he just gone crazy, saying that's a life and abortion is a crime, we can't kill a baby just to go around the world, he begged me not to feel bad about it, he'll be a good father and we'll have a great faily, after baby born we'll do everything like a family..i was astonished how he reacted and started getting back home 2 hours earlier to make us dinner- i sleep all the time now-, then he rest his head on my stomach and listens carefully -no sound there yet-, and makes promises of good life, his ' alone time room' which was full of books and gym equipments is getting painted to be the baby room, when my doc. said i have to stop smoking he stopped smoking at house, he stoppeddrinking, his expensive 'i want this car' went to the bottom of the periorities list.
i want the baby, but am afraid to loose 'my girlfriend' status to be ' the mother of my child', i feel older, i love him so much and sometimes when he hugs me i really want to see the baby between us..but i don't want him to blame me in future for wasting any chances he wanted because of my pregnancy, when i tell him this he says 'family first, the baby is my motive now, i trust you, don't take him away from me'
i worked asa baby sitter, as a teacher also, and i got my heart broken when one of my students ' i felt like she's a daughter for me' left the school, that i stopped the teaching career then. i am afraid he has other children and he might not love ours like those of the other marriage...
is that normal?

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EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
I can only say that the above posters have given excellent advice. I waited until I was 38 to get pregnant, but even then, I still thought about everything I wanted to do which I hadn't done yet. But once that baby is born, you'll realize that the sacrifices are worth it, that the parties and travel don't - can't! - equal the smile on your baby's face. As far as studies, you can always go back to school when your baby does. And you are so lucky to have a supportive man. When my EX-husband found out I was pregnant, he went on a spree which broke my heart and left me a single mother! Truly, enjoy your pregnancy, and know that being scared and apprehensive is normal.
phatE phatE 5 years
i think fear is normal.. this is a big deal, and this does change your life. honestly, you will have to shift your focus & may have to push aside some of your dreams for awhile - but life will move on & tyou will be ok. worst case scenario - he leaves- you will be ok. i think that's the main thing here, is just you knowing that you're going to be ok.. if you're to the point that you really can't see that, you may want to go talk to a counselor or someone who can help you work through this.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 5 years
I am not a mother yet, but I have to agree the two above posters, it sounds like you have a good, mature man on your side to help back you up. It sounds like he already loves this baby, I'm sure he'll love it even more after he or she is born. Don't worry, it will be okay. :-)
BellaH68 BellaH68 5 years
COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. Being pregnant is a time filled with uncertainty and worry. Welcome to motherhood! LOL First, let me assure you that he WILL love your baby equally as he does his other children. Its amazing (no matter how cliched it sounds) how we as humans have theability to expand the room in our heart for children. You think after your first child "how can I love any human as much as I love this little person"...and yet, you do. It will be the same way for him. He sounds like a great man and father and you are blessed that he is so loving and considerate! My suggestion as far as not feeling like "the girlfriend". Make time for your BF now. Being pregnant does not mean romance dies (though some days you just may not have the energy.) Find a baby sitter while you are pregnant so that you can have dates after the baby is born. You can still LIVE after having children, your priorities just shift. You will still be able to travel, you just may have to delay that til baby is at a travelable age. If I were you, I'd sign up for some weekly baby progress emails/websites and baby communities. Seeing the weekly progress of your baby (nails have formed, lungs are mature, baby has hiccups, etc) really help you get excited. On baby communities, you can find birth boards where all the women are due the same month and are going through the same emotions and symptoms. They are great places for support. Just day you will be looking down at the little bundle in your arms, your adoring boyfriend cuddled up next to you, watching baby sleep and you will wonder how your life was ever complete before. I'm telling you, its the most powerful and fulfilling emotion you will ever know. Best of luck to you for a happy future.
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
Hey! I was in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend had just moved in together 6 months ago when I got pregnant. We had been together for 2 years at that point and knew we eventually wanted to get married and have children but I was still in school, so we were planning those things a few years down the road. It is perfectly normal to be scared! You're never really ready to have a child. It is scary when you're in you're early 20's just as much as if you're 10 years older. And yes, you do have to give up a lot. And I'm not gonna lie, that is tough! I hate that I can't do whatever I want sometimes. But I also know, once my baby's all grown up I'll still be fairly young and can do the travelling (and with a lot more money, too!). Your life's not over once you have a child. It just changes drastically. But it sounds like you have a good partner at your side. He sounds excited about the baby. And you shouldn't feel guilty. It was his fault, too. You're in this together! And why shouldn't he love this kid as much as the ones he already has? What makes you think this? I'm sure you'll do fine. It is perfectly normal to panic! Everybody does, most people just don't talk about it!

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