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3 Reasons Moms Stay in Unhappy Marriages

3 Reasons Moms Stay in Unhappy Marriages

When it comes to the question “Should I stay or should I go?” Kirsty C. and other Circle of Moms members are firm believers that the best thing any parent can do is to keep their family intact and together for the kids. “It’s better to do anything to save the marriage,” she says. “I think that we live in a throwaway society these days. We are so used to immediate gratification, so if something doesn't work (like our marriage), we chuck it and get a new ‘better' one. With marriage, you need to work on it every day.”

Here, Kirsty C. and other Circle of Moms members who feel that parents should never divorce offer three reasons for a fighting couple to move beyond their personal strife. (For another point of view, see Should Fighting Couples Stay Together or Call it Quits?)

1. Your Kids Need a Stable Family Environment

Moms like Diane H. feel that self sacrifice is what marriage is about. “Parents need to put their children’s happiness before their own,” she says. “I can't help but respect and admire someone who puts aside their own happiness and desires in order to provide a stable family environment for their children. Respect and love must be taught, so just be sure you are setting a positive example for your children.”

2. It May Just Be a Rough Patch

Betsy F. and Angie E. both believe that couples with children can and should find a way to make it work. Becky urges parents to “not to be so quick to end it,” and Angie explains why:

 

“Any couple who has made it to celebrate their 20th, 30th, or 60th wedding anniversary will tell you that there were times, heck, years even that they didn't feel like they were in love. But the reward that you get from having gone through tough times and sticking it out together is beyond amazing. I don't know any old timers who regret having stuck it out.”

3. You Signed Up to Work at It

Divorce is not the only solution, say moms in difficult marriages who have chosen to stay married. Heather G. believes that if your only reason for divorce is that you’ve grown apart, or are unhappy, there are other solutions. “Marriage is work,” she says, “It takes an effort on both parts. In our case, we have made it through more than most couples ever have to experience. A special needs child changes every aspect of your life, but we love each other, and we know to keep each other happy and spend time on us so we can be the best parents possible for our kids."

Moms like Kathy M. feel the struggle is worth the results: “We don't constantly fight, rather, there is an undercurrent of unhappiness. We have agreed to stick it out for the sake of the kids, and honestly, we do a pretty good job of parenting together. . . . we do well co-parenting and the kids are happy and thriving. If you can tough it out, I think you should try."

(For tips on how to stay married, see 5 Lessons We Can All Learn from Divorced Moms.)

Should unhappy parents stay together for the sake of their kids?

Image Source: Arkansas ShutterBug

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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DioneZackery DioneZackery 3 years
No way should you stay in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of the children. In my opinion, that is only teaching the children bad relationship skills. Most things you should be able to work thru if both parties are willing, but there will sometimes be a time when you have to say it's time to go. I was in an abusive relationship and tried to stick it out for the sake of our children. Then the abuse spread to in front of them, to finally when he started to abuse them too. When I watched my five year old being smacked off his feet into a wall, it was time to go because I knew I would not stand for or tolerate my children going thru what I allowed for myself, for awhile. And, I tried to get out before that but each time the police was called, they basically told us to work it out & told him he didn't have to go anywhere. They didn't bother removing him until I finally told them the next time they were called to the house, someone would be leaving in a body bag. So, should you stay & work it out for any reason??? NO!!! I'm upset I didn't leave sooner. My children were 5 & 7 when I left & they remembered & saw a lot more than I thought or what they should have. But mostly, I'm glad they remember me standing up for them when I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself & thanking me for it when they got older!!!
KimSanders61353 KimSanders61353 3 years
Just sticking it out for the sake of the children can be damaging. The children learn how a lovless, grown apart relationship is.. they will base that in thier future realtionships without even knowing. And if the relationship is abusive then get out of it if you can... Its hard to be alone and do everything on your own. Belive me I have been doing this alone for 6 years....
KatherineCouture KatherineCouture 3 years
I believe that it is unhealthy to stay because of the children. I was in a marriage where all we did is fight and there was mental abuse. I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking this was how couples were suppose to be with each other. When I left my daughter was young but was showing signs of stress from seeing what she saw, It is not better for the kids at all. They should see their parents happy not miserable in a marriage just for their sake. Because in the end kids see everything. And some things you can't pretend are okay when they are not.
lisastockwell53796 lisastockwell53796 3 years
I totally agree with you Claudette. I'm also in the same position as you. Been married to a cop for17 years who did exactly the same to me. I have two children one boy who is fifteen and a girl who is 8. Both children have struggled to come to terms with it and its heartbreaking to see your daughter cry cos she wants her daddy to live back at home, but I think rather than kids seeing unhappy parents and arguments etc they are better off with separated parents you are happy.
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