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7 Tricks for Not Losing Your Temper with Your Kids

7 Tricks for Not Losing Your Temper with Your Kids

We all have moments of frustration with our kids, whether it's because they're asking their 42nd question of the day or throwing a tantrum over a seemingly trivial issue. It can definitely be hard to keep your cool in these situations. To help, we asked moms to share their best tips for not losing your temper with your kids. 

1. Breathe

"The first thing to do is BREATHE and count to ten. This gives you a chance to calm down before you try to deal with the situation." -Joni Hudson-Reynolds of Ebony Mom Politics

2. Pretend This Isn't Your Child

"Pretend this isn't 'your' child. How would you teach, show, tell and help any other child on earth how to handle this particular situation better? You can imagine that, right?" -Christina Ciani of FiZGiGZ Bootstrap Your Bliss: Raising ARtists & ARting Life

 

3. Give Yourself a Time Out

"Sometimes removing yourself from the situation for two minutes, (like in a locked bathroom, LOL) giving yourself space to breathe without being touched or whined at can make all the difference." -Sasha Brodeur of Lemonade Makin' Mama

"Walking away is the best thing I can do to buy myself the five seconds (or five minutes) I need to think through how to respond. (Note: be sure the kids are relatively safe before walking away.)" -Christine Virgin of I can't even pee in peace

4. Distract Yourself

"I've found that distracting myself from the situation and doing something productive always helps remove my emotions from it. I focus on wiping down a counter or some other mundane household task. Being in control of even this small act buoys me enough to keep me from losing control." -April Mccaffery of It's All About Balance

 

5. Visualize Something Funny

"If my son is being horrible and I'm about to lose it I picture an adult (preferably my husband) doing whatever my son is doing, i.e. falling on the ground in the middle of the store in a tantrum, crying because he dropped his cookie, or eating dog food, and I instantly bust out laughing." -Tokasha M.   

6. Speak More Quietly Than Your Child

"I make myself speak quieter than he yells. The louder he gets I take a breath and speak even quieter, trying to figure out what the issue REALLY is. Yelling back just escalates things." -Erin Smit of One Plus One

7. Act Instead of React

"Acting [and not reacting is the key. My son can take me over the edge sometimes (he is the mini version of myself) and I have to make sure that the things I do are not a reaction to his defiance but that I am doing something that will make the situation better — freaking out and yelling improves nothing (not that I haven't lost it once or twice). . . .Take a few minutes to assess why you are annoyed, frustrated or furious and then look past it and come up with a solution that is going to make the situation better for everyone. " -Megan Egerton of Tips for Military Families

Image Source: via Flickr/Creative Commons

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LaurenDudley LaurenDudley 4 years
Oh, wow. My daughter is nine. She can be hateful, cruel, cold and callous. She holds grudges. She exclaims that she will kick people in the head if they make her mad. In other words, my polar opposite. However, explaining that her actions are what they are and telling her in no uncertain terms that no one will like her if she continues to treat people badly seems to get through. She is a person, too. Just socially inept at this point in her life.
KellyMetzger74556 KellyMetzger74556 4 years
I find that yelling makes the situation worse and escalates an already miserable situation. My reasons for not yelling is not out of treating my child as "fragile" it is simply a more effective means to difuse the situation. My child does respect me without the yelling, as the consequences I threaten (such as privileges restricted) are taken seriously because I've always followed through. I calmy request the behaviour stop and if it does not, I start counting. 5 is the max, the situation is generally difused by the time I get to 3. My child is five and this has worked for the last two years.
MJStevenson MJStevenson 4 years
Or #8: Yell at them anyway because: a) they have it coming b) yelling will get their attention and make them know that "mommy ain't playin'" so they had better not do that thing they are getting yelled at for again c) giving yourself an aneurism or ulcer by forcing yourself not to tell your kids in a loud manner that they screwed up won't help anybody! It's not like you're beating them, or verbally abusing them. A child who is too fragile (from being constantly treated as if they are fragile) to handle getting yelled at by mom when he or she has done something bad will be too fragile emotionally to function in the world as an adult and will likely be eaten alive by the other kids in school as well. Having said all of that, the above is a very nice article with some great helpful suggestions that wouldn't hurt anyone to try, because the mom who is always yelling is as damaging as the mom who never does, and if you yell ALL the time your kids will just tune you out because it becomes meaningless. Save the ammo for when it is most needed so it has more impact. :)
JennyWalters3468 JennyWalters3468 4 years
ok these tips r fine and dandy but sometimes you need to yeall and scream. sry. yes most of the time they should work but im sry i have no remorse when i do have to yell.
JessiScherm JessiScherm 4 years
This is horrible advice! They aren't someone else's kids they are yours! Laughing when kids are acting inappropriately only encourages them to do it more! There is some good advice in here, but I would not send this to anyone I know!
DorothyLandsberg DorothyLandsberg 4 years
1 does nothing for me, 2 works wonders every time, 3 helps only ocasionally as it seems they both scream louder just as i leave and then i just feel trapped inside a room, 4 is great because i actually do something productive whilst working off that anger with the hoover or duster. This also seems to calm my kids down significantly for some reason. 5 isnt really my cup of tea since i would be too self concious and propably angry as hell if my kid were throwing herself on the floor - also if i imagined my mum or hubby or friend doing something like this i also would imagine me leaving the store without them...haha. 6 is brilliant, ive found myself having loud whisper conversations with my lo and she is almost always surprised.7 is the most difficult for me to accomplish. im one of those emotional human beings who act on my first emotion without taking out a few minutes to asses the situation and think of the million ways i could handle it instead. i think it takes practice to become a good parent. its not easy to hold your tongue, its habit that makes us do so.
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