I told the doctor I was going to have him quickly.
My mom had me in two hours and my brother in one. Her doctor told her that if she got pregnant again, she'd better live in a Winnebago in the hospital parking lot. When I told my doctor this, she wasn't impressed. Maybe it wasn't that, actually; it was more along the lines of disbelief. Women never have their first baby that quickly. Never ever in the history of man. And I wasn't going to be the first.
So there I was, in the delivery room, dilated to a six and not in labor. No water breaking in the mall. No 80 year old woman holding my hand in an ambulance. No giving birth on the freeway because the traffic here sucks. There we sat, watching the lines on the monitor show no progress.
The nurses had a new attitude now that I was actually admitted in the hospital and having a baby today, just like I had told them thirty minutes before. One of them came in and turned on the TV that was on the other side of the big, brand new room. She asked if the news was OK, and it was. Why the heck not. Maybe watching that super annoying Jillian Reynolds on "Good Day LA" would send my body into convulsions and cause the baby to have no choice but to quickly exit.