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Discussing Miscarriage With Family

Lil Community: Who Do You Tell About a Miscarriage?

Life can be a roller coaster. This question was submitted by philandjo in the Ask Anything box.

Should we tell our 4-year-old son about our currently happening miscarriage, even if he didn't know that we were expecting another little one?

Motherhood can be a mind boggler. Before driving yourself crazy looking for answers, head over to the LilSugar Community and type your inquiry away in our Ask the Community Anything box.

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Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
Perhaps it's because I come from a different culture, or my own family values, but I do not believe that "Honesty is the Best Policy" with children all the time. You could tell the child, and have them confused,hurt,or worse; or simply not tell them. I understand how some could say the child must know, but why? Who would benefit from that? Definitely not the child. I would say, don't bring it up with your child right now. No good will come out of it. When they are mature enough (perhaps when they're teenagers, or even early 20's, you could confide in them and tell them that when they were young, you attempted for another child and this tragic event happened. At this point your child will be a grownup, they'll understand it in mature eyes and be able to mourn with you. You can't expect that of a 4 year old!
MuppetsForDinner MuppetsForDinner 5 years
I hope this info is helpful to you: I'm an 8th grade English teacher and last year I had a situation with a student who came to me crying about "the hardest situation in his life." He had written about it in his writer's notebook and felt like sharing with me. It described the death of his sibling. I came to find out later that this was a miscarriage that had happened when he was young. I am not in any way denying that this was an extremely painful experience for the entire family, but you never know how children will take this information. This might be their first experience with death or loss and I think exposing them to these harsh realities is necessary sometimes, but in this case may have been avoided. This also happened in my husband's family when he was younger. He didn't react "happy enough" (according to him) when his mom first told him about the baby, so when she had a miscarriage, he felt awful. I think he still carries that guilt with him.
MissSushi MissSushi 5 years
I think this is one of those intensely personal decisions only you could make. Personally, I wouldn't tell my child if they were 4 years old. They just don't have the understanding of the situation, both in good and bad ways. I don't think I would have the emotional strength to explain the situation, when he undoubtedly tells people what happened. Kids share things that go on in their lives, adn he wont understand how the situation should be handled in regards to others.
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