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Do Babies Set Off a Marital Explosion?

Currently working the publicity circuit for her new movie, Julie & Julia, writer Nora Ephron was quoted in a piece for Parenting about how having children affected her marriage.
The mother of two sons once said:

When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was.

Did you and your spouse endure this after entering parenthood?

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bluepuppybites bluepuppybites 7 years
We weren't even together a year when our first was born, wedding plans were on hold for awhile. If anything our daughter has made us stronger as a couple.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
well, not every child will bow to the decorating style of the parent, lol. we have 3 daughters. the middle one was (is) very cooperative, wanting to please, no fuss. the youngest wanted HER way from day one, and the oldest is severely disabled. you want to talk bomb? autism is bigger than anything else in your life and knows no holidays. it's there on your anniversary, when another child has the staring role in a play, when you have the flu and when your mom dies, and it ALWAYS come first. i get a little irritated when people think they have had it tough and they haven't. since nora has a billion dollars and could easily afford help to free her up to work on her marriage, why is she complaining?
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
well, not every child will bow to the decorating style of the parent, lol.we have 3 daughters. the middle one was (is) very cooperative, wanting to please, no fuss. the youngest wanted HER way from day one, and the oldest is severely disabled. you want to talk bomb? autism is bigger than anything else in your life and knows no holidays. it's there on your anniversary, when another child has the staring role in a play, when you have the flu and when your mom dies, and it ALWAYS come first.i get a little irritated when people think they have had it tough and they haven't. since nora has a billion dollars and could easily afford help to free her up to work on her marriage, why is she complaining?
FrankiLee FrankiLee 7 years
Of course the relationship changes. I would be seriously surprised if someone said their relationship didn't undergo any kind of change after having children. But like a previous poster said, that change doesn't have to be bad. Having a child actually strengthened our relationship. I am in NO WAY encouraging people to have children just to strengthen the bond between their partner and them if the relationship is rocky. But in my case, we were in a stable and happy relationship beforehand, and it just strengthened that. There are many difficult times, but if your relationship is solid, you will be able to get through it. We have a good balance of family life and time for just the two of us, and I think that is MAJORLY important.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
The dynamic will change no matter what. You go from being relatively care free right into being completely responsible for someone else. It's like having a pet, but worse (or better). I think marriages get strained when you forget about the person you are with and devote all of your love an attention to the baby. It also falls apart when you change your life to accommodate your baby, when in reality, you should make your baby accommodate your life. My mom told me about how she was always told to protect me from the glass tables, edges of tables, and put her china/crystal/whatever away where I could not reach it. My mom simply said no, she's going to learn how to stay away, she is going to adjust to our life. And I did. Don't completely change your life. Sure, you need to get babysitters to do some things (or take your kid even if you don't want to) but you don't have to give up everything.
Roarman Roarman 7 years
I don't see how a relationship could stay the same. You just added a completely dependent human being to your lives. But the change doesn't have to be bad. I think when couples cooperate and help each other out in the trasition to life with a baby, the change is good and you grow as a couple.
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