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Family Ties: Who's In?

Family Ties: Who's In?

Leading up to my due date, friends asked which hospital we were going to and if I would have my phone so they could come visit and meet the newest member of our family. I was all for it until my husband put the kabash on it.

We really did not see eye to eye on hospital visits. He thought that those first few days should be spent entirely alone with just us and the baby. I love his sensitive and thoughtful side, but I had always imagined family members and friends flooding the room with balloons, flowers and teddy bears.

So I was really bummed when we couldn't come to an agreement. I fought my point of view stating that my whole family always ran to the bedside of family newborns. Since a teary pregnant wife trumps a sensitive husband, I finally got my way. Well at least partially. Friends were banned from the hospital, but family was welcomed by all three sets of our open arms.

In retrospect, I think my husband was right about keeping it small. I'm glad we had our family there, but think it might have been exhausting to have more than that. It's a three ring circus at the hospital with lactation consultants, nurses, doctors, birth certificate people and nursing bra specialists. Most importantly, it gave us time to get to know our lil one before having to share her with the rest of the world.

How do you feel about visitors after giving birth?

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Rosemary-Cross Rosemary-Cross 8 years
I think it kind of depends on how the birth goes as well! My first child was born by cesarean and I was pretty out of it and not in the mood for visitors, my parents and sister came by but I don't even remember it! My second child was a home VBAC and I was excited to have people over because I felt so triumphant and was ready to party! ;) It's really such a personal choice though Peace-
jmarc23 jmarc23 8 years
I didn't want anyone near me during the birth but I had been on hospital bedrest for so long that I needed all the visitors I could get. And when it was finally time for my girls to arrived, I needed to have my parents nearby. If my sisters lived in state, I'd have demanded that they be there too. My friends visited after I arrived home, which was fine by me!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I was in the room as my sisters coach (her B*stard of a husband left her the week before she found out she was preggers) My mom was in there also. That was it. My grandmother wanted to come in, as did my stepfather but my sister said NO. When i have kids i plan on having my hubby and my mom and his mom in there, Because i want my mom of course, and his mother gave birth to 5 kids at home without meds and if anyone knows about birthing its her!
Greggie Greggie 8 years
"as long as i don't have to play pass the baby." AMEN! I hate that everyone passes around the baby without even asking if it's ok to hold him. He just came out of me, I'm used to having him with me 24/7, give me some time. I'm really good at using the excuse of "Oh, time to nurse!" and no one dares argue. *lol*
lorioz lorioz 8 years
When I have my baby (at the end of april) my husband and I have discussed that we would like only family to be at the hospital and visiting us for the first days. I'm really glad that we agree on that.
starofsorrow starofsorrow 8 years
I tend to stay away from the new parents for a couple weeks to give them space, since I already know EVERYONE will be wanting to visit the second they give birth, so I wait a few weeks to physically come and visit. I think it's far more polite for me to do that. Now, if I was invited, I wouldn't turn it down! =)
ylatan ylatan 8 years
i do think it should be up to the mama. i have homebirths, so its a bit different (i don't have to ask people to leave during weird checks or anything, hehe) but i like a lot of visitors AFTEr the birth, as long as i don't have to play pass the baby. i think it's good for any siblings who are there to get some extra attention from visitors and such. and also, people usually bring FOOD. :)
phatE phatE 8 years
I agree with whoever said it's the Mom's choice.. I think some of the husbands are protective, and that's probably their motivation behind limiting people, but he can always limit the visits, etc. If the mom wants people, bring on the people, if the mom wants rest, tell them to wait a couple of days.. I think she is the patient, she calls the shots. (On that situation)
phatE phatE 8 years
I think it depends on the person and how they are feeling.. I personally would rather have visitors the day after, but before I go home.. I would rather people flood a hospital room after I have slept and pulled myself together, then have them flood my house..
thatgirljj thatgirljj 8 years
I'd like our birth to be quiet and intimate with family held at bay until I've been able to rest a bit. Unfortunately, my husband seems to see it as an inevitable right for his parents to see our boy ASAP after he comes. I have a feeling I'm going to end up as the teary eyed pregnant lady putting my foot down in this one.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I always get a lot more company once I'm past the two- or three-month mark. Our circle of friends tends to allow for family/recovery time the first month or so, and then begin the visits and play times. Especially once the babies start interacting, that's where we get the excitement.
fsquaash fsquaash 8 years
I wouldn't want anyone to witness my labor, but after my C-section I was so happy to see my friends. I wanted to show off my babies and was in the hospital for 4 days. I felt so isolated and was glad to see people. I think the mom should make the decision, but remember that your little one is only new and exciting to your friends for a month or two. When you get home from the hospital, you are eventually alone with a baby, endless diapers, and loads of laundry.
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 8 years
Greggie- Thanks for the advice... That is one option I have kept open, though my Mom would probably pitch a fit...lol... I told my husband that I reserve the right to change my mind at any time. :-D With any luck, once I manage to get pregnant and it comes to d-day no one will be able to make it to us in time so there will be no issues...hehehe (Hubby's family is in NY, mine is in IL & we live in CA.) BTW- I always love reading your responses on here...we think along the same lines most of the time.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
My only advice to Jennifer is to keep options open. :) I was certain I'd be ok with my mom in the room while I was in labor until I was actually in labor. *lol* Nakedness didn't come into play, I just didn't want anyone else there.
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 8 years
My husband & I have discussed this (I'm not pregnant yet) and he agrees that MY way is THE way. After all I am the one having the baby, not him. :-) I have already told him that our family is allowed to visit me in the early stages of labor but once I am in active labor the only ones allowed in the room are him, my mom & my sister. He asked about his mom being there and I told him "My mom has seen me naked, your mom has not, I see no reason for your mom to see me naked." As to hospital visiting, only the closest of the close friends and only when I say so...no showing up outta the blue. For all that I am open about my life (and my family & friends will back me on this) I know that when I don't feel well or am in pain I don't want anyone around me, I just want to be left alone (as alone as one can get in a hospital...lol...)
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Also, while we're on this topic, a word of advice: If you're visiting someone, it's really rude to not leave the room when these medical/birth certificate people come in to speak to the parents. Please don't just ask them to close the curtain and think you're invisible.
cbgmick cbgmick 8 years
Although there is no one sized answer here.... for me, I wanted it small. I was tired and I wanted to just spend a little time w/ my new son and husband (w/ a few brief visits from local family). So far, I feel the same way this time around (brief visit from the in-laws who are the only family now local) and think it will be nice for our nuclear family (me, my husband, son and new baby) to spend some special time before all the house visits start up.
Moms Moms 8 years
Great post! We've got a huge family and a bunch of friends that are practically family so everyone came to the hospital when my daughter was born and again for my son. And, my sisters and sister-in-law were there for the births. I loved all the excitement, but every mom-to-be should do what she wants since she's the one delivering!
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
Mmm, I've done it both ways. After my son, I had lots of family and friends in and out of the hospital room. That was pretty exhausting. After my daughter, we were in a different state and I was pretty much all by myself. My husband had to work during the day and stay with our son at night and my family made a few visits but most everybody waited until we got home. That was pretty lonely and boring. I'm not sure there really is a perfect way to do it. You're going to be tired, uncomfortable in a hospital and in some pain really no matter what happens. :P
Gruberr1 Gruberr1 8 years
I always thought that I would want all of my friends and family around me after the birth of my child. Less than 24 hours after my son was born via c-section, that is what I got. I thought it was great at the time, but that evening I was certainly feeling it. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. Lesson learned. Next time, I plan to limit it the first day and have everyone come on day two!
luckyme luckyme 8 years
I'm with Greggie. I really liked it quiet. My labor was quite long and I was beyond exhausted. The last thing I wanted to do was entertain guests. I didn't mind close family...but beyond that I needed some peace.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Oh and I think this decision should be up to the mother. (Obviously I came to this conclusion after my last child. ;) ) But she's the patient. She's the one recovering. She's the one attempting to figure out everything right now, with hormones raging. Go with what makes her comfortable.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
We're the opposite - I want limited visits, small groups, no more than 15 minutes or so. I want peace and quiet. My husband, on the other hand, loves to sit and chat with everyone for hours on end. With my second son, we had at least 8 people in my room at one point, all talking loudly and telling jokes for about two hours. I was about to lose it, but if I'd asked them to leave, they'd still be holding a grudge five years later and talking about how unfriendly I am. This time, I plan to just flat out state it ahead of time. I appreciate the thought that goes into a visit, but please keep it short.
MotoLinz MotoLinz 8 years
I didn't mind so much a couple days after, but when I woke up from my c-section (I was knocked completely out), I had little Jackson's dad, grandma, grandpa, and aunt all hovered around me. That was a bit overwhelming - especially since I was in immense pain, doped up on morphine, in and out of consciousness, and probably wasn't looking my best. :)
buch1979 buch1979 8 years
My two best girl friends are like family, they helped keep me company during labor so hubby could finally get some sleep. After delivery friends and family gave us about 12 hours to attempt to recover, rest, & bond. After the 12 hours were up almost every family member, and friend within a three hour drive showed up at the same time.
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