Forget the tales of painful childbirth and daylong birthing experiences. Many Circle of Moms members have hilarious stories and snippets of observations from the front lines of the labor and delivery room. Here, moms share childbirth experiences that will make you laugh — and cry. But know for sure that they have a chilling truth to them.
Going on a rant-page
There wasn't much that seemed funny during Maria L.'s five days of "major contractions" leading up to her labor, but she laughs at her delirium and some of the statements she made. "My mom told me that I asked the nurse repeatedly if 'it was hard to make people.' I also flipped out a few times about how I hated chicken and soccer."
In mom Kim B.'s birth experience, the nurses were the ones who didn't spare feelings. "When I went in to be prepped for a C-section, I left my bra and panties on because my boobs are uncomfortable without support, and I was leaky from my water breaking," she recalls. "So, I had a pad on to keep me from sitting in a puddle, and the nurse that was taking my vitals looked at me and said, 'You didn't get in this position with them on, now get them off.'"
Surprise! It's a birth
Following what seemed like an unusually long labor, Jessica F. said her husband stepped out for a brief moment to notify the family of the progress. It was then that the baby was born. When her husband stepped back in, he was so frustrated he missed the actual birth that he tried to reverse the process. "When he returned he was all hurt and upset, and he said with a completely serious face 'screw this, we are starting all over, put that baby back," she remembers. "The nurses took a full two minutes to recover laughing before they could hand my husband his daughter."
Keep reading for more delivery-room fun!
Oops! Surprise . . . it's a boy
One mom, Michelle, had immersed herself into all things pink and purchased an entire wardrobe for her expected daughter because an ultrasound confirmed she was having a girl . . . or so they thought. After an exhaustive labor, she recalls the midwife saying, "Look down and see what you've got." Michelle looked down and, "my son spread his legs and peed all over me. All I could say was 'oh my God, there's a penis.' Everyone was just about peeing themselves laughing at me."
Another mom, Brittney, remembers being mortified when she was in the middle of her au naturel birth in the bathtub and "I farted. I was so out of it, I just kept apologizing over and over again" to her mom and husband.
Up close and personal
Can you say awkward? When one mom named Annie had a full house attending the birth of her daughter, the paparazzi got a little too close for comfort. To her disdain, her aunt captured not only the moment of daughter Isabella's birth, but also, "she got a view of my no-no place," says Annie. Even worse? She didn't realize the snafu until after she had posted the birth photos on her social media site.
Be careful what you ask for
When Amber M. invited her whole family to attend the birth, she tried to accommodate all of their needs. Her mom asked if she could watch "the head coming out." She says, "Of course I didn't care. Five hundred doctors and nurses had already seen it. But when my son came out, [her mom] got squirted with amniotic fluid."
The real "poop"
Some babies pop out and fall right asleep from all that work. But Jennifer remembers how when her first baby was born, "he peed for five minutes." Just when she thought he was "pooped out," the baby "peed on the doctor, then on the clock, then on the floor, then on the equipment, then after five diapers later, he peed on me."
Wishing her tongue was tied
When a mom named Jen went into labor on Christmas Eve, her attention was more focused on the holiday festivities the next day — and the presents she had yet to wrap — instead of the labor and birth. Except when, much to her surprise, she heard herself exclaim: "I was pushing and at one point I said 'Jesus this [swear word] hurts,' to which my sister responded by patting my hand and saying, 'now now calm down Mary, Jesus can't help you.'"
In the "things birth moms wish they hadn't said" category, Colby S. recalls, after 17 hours of labor, spilling out, "Why can't we just lay eggs?" As she remembers, "The doctor stopped in her tracks as well as the nurses and just looked at each other, and we all started laughing. The doctor looked at me and said she had never heard that one before."
What is the most funny moment you experienced in your child's birth? What was the funniest thing you or a family member said in the delivery room?