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Funny Things Said During Childbirth

The Funniest Things Overheard in the Delivery Room

Forget the tales of painful childbirth and daylong birthing experiences. Many Circle of Moms members have hilarious stories and snippets of observations from the front lines of the labor and delivery room. Here, moms share childbirth experiences that will make you laugh — and cry. But know for sure that they have a chilling truth to them.

Going on a rant-page
There wasn't much that seemed funny during Maria L.'s five days of "major contractions" leading up to her labor, but she laughs at her delirium and some of the statements she made. "My mom told me that I asked the nurse repeatedly if 'it was hard to make people.' I also flipped out a few times about how I hated chicken and soccer."

In mom Kim B.'s birth experience, the nurses were the ones who didn't spare feelings. "When I went in to be prepped for a C-section, I left my bra and panties on because my boobs are uncomfortable without support, and I was leaky from my water breaking," she recalls. "So, I had a pad on to keep me from sitting in a puddle, and the nurse that was taking my vitals looked at me and said, 'You didn't get in this position with them on, now get them off.'"

Surprise! It's a birth
Following what seemed like an unusually long labor, Jessica F. said her husband stepped out for a brief moment to notify the family of the progress. It was then that the baby was born. When her husband stepped back in, he was so frustrated he missed the actual birth that he tried to reverse the process. "When he returned he was all hurt and upset, and he said with a completely serious face 'screw this, we are starting all over, put that baby back," she remembers. "The nurses took a full two minutes to recover laughing before they could hand my husband his daughter."

Keep reading for more delivery-room fun!

Oops! Surprise . . . it's a boy
One mom, Michelle, had immersed herself into all things pink and purchased an entire wardrobe for her expected daughter because an ultrasound confirmed she was having a girl . . . or so they thought. After an exhaustive labor, she recalls the midwife saying, "Look down and see what you've got." Michelle looked down and, "my son spread his legs and peed all over me. All I could say was 'oh my God, there's a penis.' Everyone was just about peeing themselves laughing at me."

Passing gas
Another mom, Brittney, remembers being mortified when she was in the middle of her au naturel birth in the bathtub and "I farted. I was so out of it, I just kept apologizing over and over again" to her mom and husband.

Up close and personal
Can you say awkward? When one mom named Annie had a full house attending the birth of her daughter, the paparazzi got a little too close for comfort. To her disdain, her aunt captured not only the moment of daughter Isabella's birth, but also, "she got a view of my no-no place," says Annie. Even worse? She didn't realize the snafu until after she had posted the birth photos on her social media site.

Be careful what you ask for
When Amber M. invited her whole family to attend the birth, she tried to accommodate all of their needs. Her mom asked if she could watch "the head coming out." She says, "Of course I didn't care. Five hundred doctors and nurses had already seen it. But when my son came out, [her mom] got squirted with amniotic fluid." 

The real "poop"
Some babies pop out and fall right asleep from all that work. But Jennifer remembers how when her first baby was born, "he peed for five minutes." Just when she thought he was "pooped out," the baby "peed on the doctor, then on the clock, then on the floor, then on the equipment, then after five diapers later, he peed on me." 

Wishing her tongue was tied
When a mom named Jen went into labor on Christmas Eve, her attention was more focused on the holiday festivities the next day — and the presents she had yet to wrap — instead of the labor and birth. Except when, much to her surprise, she heard herself exclaim: "I was pushing and at one point I said 'Jesus this [swear word] hurts,' to which my sister responded by patting my hand and saying, 'now now calm down Mary, Jesus can't help you.'"

In the "things birth moms wish they hadn't said" category, Colby S. recalls, after 17 hours of labor, spilling out, "Why can't we just lay eggs?" As she remembers, "The doctor stopped in her tracks as well as the nurses and just looked at each other, and we all started laughing. The doctor looked at me and said she had never heard that one before."

What is the most funny moment you experienced in your child's birth? What was the funniest thing you or a family member said in the delivery room?

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AprilV30057 AprilV30057 2 years
I had delivered our first 3 children without any pain meds and planned to do the same with our 4th. After several months of preterm labor, stalled by in-hospital bed rest and magnesium sulfate, I was final allowed to go home at 36 weeks. Later that night I returned to the hospital in labor yet again and now dilated to 5cm. My water broke shortly after I arrived at the hospital. My contractions continued to get worse over night and through the first half of the next day. My cervix thinned out, but didn't dilate any more throughout that time. Finally, about 19 hours into hard labor, I requested a pain med to which I received Stadol though my IV. According to my mother and sister-in-law (my husband was in another state at the time due to work), I began asking them to "get the elephants out of my room". Apparently I didn't want them to spray the baby with their "dirty trunk water". My daughter was eventually delivered that night via c-section in an elephant-less operating room... It's now 11 years later and I still haven't lived that one down Our 5th child was delivered via emergency c-section due to fetal distress at 35weeks. As the doctor pulled him out of my abdomen she informed the whole O.R. that my newest son would grow up to be either a doctor or a sailor. When asked why she would say such a thing she replied, "Well, he's not even a minute old and he already knows how to tie a perfect square knot." Since he's currently 9 years old, we still don't know which he will be. My husband thinks he'll follow in his footsteps and be a sailor while I'm still holding out hope he'll become a doctor. Only time will tell... ;)
April14377653 April14377653 2 years
My first birth/ labour was too long (in Australia, they generally don't let you go more than 30 hours in case you tire and don't push when it comes to shoving.. I had wild contractions for 6 days, went in to labour Wednesday night and had our girl Friday afternoon) and after sustaining 2nd degree tearing, an obstetrician was finally found to fix my wounds. Sucking on gas like mad as she sewed, I made a comment to my sister holding bub. 'Gross! Don't kiss her on the head! That's just been in my v jay jay!' The nurses and doctor laughed, but my sister was disgusted. 'Ugh, Claire! Don't say such un- ladylike things.' I ripped the mask off, glared as only a new, exhausted mum can and replied loudly,' Louise. Have a good look around you. My flabby, stinky body is naked in front of three strangers, one of whom has her face in my fanny, doing her best Dr. Frankenstein to repair my mess of a vaginal canal! (Hysterical voice reaching crescendo) And you whinge about coming here on your day off and end up eating all my jelly beans!' Cue laughter inside the delivery suite, and in foyer. Note to all: Sound travels in those rooms..
MelissaAN MelissaAN 2 years
When I got married I kept my maiden name because I was going to grad school and wanted to publish under that name. When I had my son they wheeled him in after the checked him over and his card said Baby Boy [my maiden name]. My husband yelled "That should be Baby Boy [his last name]!" Later he tells me, I could've changed my name and just published under my maiden name. Never thought about it. LOL And when I had my daughter the anesthesiologist was hot and I made a mental note as I slumped over my nurse to get the epidural. All my husband could think of was how hot my nurse was and he thought we might kiss!
stacieashby stacieashby 2 years
For my first son, I was in labor for 17 hours after working a double shift. When I saw the good-looking student doctor in the vestibule of my room, apparently (though I don't specifically recall), I told the people in the room that he couldn't come in because he was hot. I guess he had a good chuckle about it before respecting my wishes and leaving. My second was born in an ambulance and, amazingly enough, it "helps the process" when the ambulance driver goes onto the sidewalk because other drivers don't yield. I tried so hard not to swear, but when the EMT said "Good job! Now you just have to deliver the shoulders" a "What?!? When the hell did his head come out?!?!" may have popped out. My last was an emergency c-section and the anesthesia didn't work so I was fully sedated. As my husband tried to hand me our daughter (surprise gender--yay!), I'd forgotten I was even pregnant and said "what?" repeatedly while he tried to hand her to me. Oopsie! :)
ShainaNieto ShainaNieto 2 years
I think my favorite part though was when my son was delivered via c section & everyone was blown away by his size as I had been very ill & not gained much weight. One nurse looked at him & says "wow, he must weigh like 8lbs 16oz!!!" To which I reply, wouldnt that be 9lbs? She says, well, yeah, I just mean hes big. To be exact he was 9lbs 4oz.
ShainaNieto ShainaNieto 2 years
When I got my epidural with my first son it numbed everything except a small spot in my rear that hurt like crazy so every contraction i would scream quite loudly "my butt hurts". Everyone got a good laugh until i announced if they want to laugh at me they can leave!!!
RachelMoss85059 RachelMoss85059 2 years
My last baby was the only time I gave birth - I had two previous c-sections - and I was determined to go as long as possible before getting an epi since my second c-section happened due to lack of progress after I got an epi too early (my theory, anyway). I almost waited too long, and I was in agony by the time the anaesthesiologist arrived. I couldn't even sit up; my old school anaesthesiologist managed to insert the epi while I was curled in the fetal position (HAR!) Afterwards I was so relieved that I told him he was officially my favourite person in the entire world and promised to make him a batch of homemade biscotti - then I went on like a five minute stream-of-conciousness drivel about my biscotti recipe, how I got it and how great it is! I still remember the hospital staff commenting on how I went from incapable of moving or talking from pain to verbal diarrhea in less than a minute:)
LauraKinsella9384 LauraKinsella9384 2 years
When my second child was born i had my hubby, sister, mum and my 8 yr old at the birth. I had choosen no pain relief so during a rather large and painful contraction i cried and said "i want my mummy" my husband said that my mum nearly burst into tears. i also tried to bite my husband.
GretchenLuper GretchenLuper 2 years
During my first delivery every time they asked me my name I gave them my maiden name instead of my married name. The nurse asked me why and I said with a curse word preceding i don't ever want to hear that man's name again and I'm not about to say it. In fact I never want to see him again especially with his clothes off. They all got a good laugh.
RosemarieORiordanBassi RosemarieORiordanBassi 2 years
During my first babies labour they allowed me to have too much gas & air & it turned me into a bit of a comedian, I just couldn't stop laughing & started telling jokes to the point that there were 8 people in the delivery room all listening to my jokes & asking for more, I was like a drunk, then they took away my happy gas n air & when reality set in, I kicked my ob/gyn in the chest & then everyone else left the room, I guess that wasn't the funniest bit for anyone, meanwhile my husband had a bet with another soon to be father out in the corridor as to whose wife could scream the loudest...happy to say I won that round at least.
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