What to Do When Your Kid Makes an Inappropriate Comment in Public

By Lauren Levy

Published on 6/21/2016 at 5:50 PM

A child's innocence is a beautiful thing — when their uninhibited curiosity isn't questioning why the woman in line has so many wrinkles and such a jiggly backside. As a toddler starts to become more aware of the world around them, they begin to vocalize what they see. While a kiddo's observations and inquisitive spirit should be celebrated, they can also leave Mom or Dad cringing in an uncomfortable situation. "Young kids are simply flexing their 'look-what-I-notice' muscles," Betsy Brown Braun, author of Just Tell Me What to Say, told Parents. "When something seems different from the norm, that's noteworthy to them." How an adult reacts to their tiny person's (sometimes offensive) truth bombs can have a lasting impact on their child. Check out these nine steps for exactly what to do next time your kid points out a stranger's nose and ear hair.

  1. Don't lose your cool: You have the power to make a cringe-worthy moment that much worse. Children learn by your example, so how you handle the situation will influence their future actions.
  2. Keep in mind where it's coming from: At this age, your little one is learning to express their curiosity and pointing out what they see. They most likely aren't doing it to be malicious or even understand that they could be potentially hurting someone.
  3. Don't humiliate your child: If you shame your child and immediately shush him or her, you are sending the message that they should be embarrassed by their perception or question. Since you know that it isn't coming from a negative place, you don't want to stifle your child's inquisitiveness and interest.
  4. Do damage control: Reply to your child calmly and in a quiet but truthful way. Depending on what they said, answering with something like, "You're right, everyone comes in different shapes, colors, or sizes," will keep your child from feeling timid about making observations without adding to any insult.
  5. Don't make your kid instantly apologize: If your child is too young to understand that they made an insensitive remark, don't put them on the spot to apologize. Without explaining to them what they did wrong and them fully understanding it, making them apologize just teaches them that saying sorry can be empty words that aren't sincere.
  6. Keep your focus: Don't think about yourself first and what this says about you as a parent. Your child's comment isn't a reflection of what type of mom or dad you are — how you react is.
  7. Explain the difference between a respectful observation and an unintended insult: When you and your child are no longer in the presence of the stranger, take a moment to teach your child the power of his or her words. Let them know that while it's encouraged to notice — and celebrate! — differences among people, it's also important to understand that what you say can hurt others. Even if you don't mean to embarrass someone or make them feel bad, an observation can turn into a judgment depending on how you say it.
  8. Work on their internal dialogue: Teaching them how to make observations — and save them for later — is a valuable skill to have even at a young age. Playing games that work on showing them how to think before they speak helps to develop impulse control, which is also vital as they begin to develop relationships between peers and get ready for school.
  9. Encourage their curiosity — as well as empathy: If you're afraid that saying anything to your kid will stunt them from feeling like they can express themselves, keep in mind that addressing their comments properly is a powerful way to instill gratitude and understanding of the world outside of their bubble.