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How Second Marriages Make Kids Happier

How Second Marriages Make Kids Happier

Finally, some good news for divorced moms who worry that the marital split will scar their kids for life: New research hints that there can be a silver lining for children whose parents separate. Kids from divorced families can grow up to have healthier families themselves if they've seen their parents happy in second marriages, according to a new Pew Research study.

The Pew study suggests that when divorced parents remarry, their children benefit from exposure to the second, happier union, and become more likely to succeed at marriage themselves. Anecdotally, many Circle of Moms members have found that starting anew and creating a blended family is creating happiness for their children.

"Something amazing happened [to me] now that I am with a really great guy who is normal and who loves me with all my flaws," says Elizabeth J., who left an abusive marriage and now finds her sons so much happier in their new step family. "He treats my boys like they're his own. At first I was skeptical and afraid, but we are a happy family now. It is amazing."

Embracing the Future

Having just celebrated her seventh anniversary with her second husband, Mary S. says the step family is the best thing that could have happened to her two daughters. "When I finally got the courage to leave (after the first time he hit me in front of our kids, who were 2 1/2 and 1 at the time), I thought I would never be able to trust anyone again," says Mary. "Well, a year later, I met my now husband. He loves me, adores my kids, and makes my life whole. He doesn't judge. We also had two more daughters together. Your kids learn that you deserve to be happy and loved, and the fact that he loves my kids too is icing on the cake."

Like many Circle of Moms members who are single moms. Angela B. says she was very nervous about creating a new family for her children, and afraid they would never get over her unhappy first marriage and the unhealthy relationship they witnessed there. But she has been pleasantly surprised: "I was very skeptical about letting anyone into my life, and especially my children's lives. My kids are getting the happiness they deserve." Gina S. shares a similar situation. "I must say that I am so very blessed to have found such an awesome guy," she shares. "Being a father means the world to him. It is one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. He has three sons 16, 8, and 7 who worship him and my 10-year-old son simply adores him."

He Loves My Kids and I Love His

Many Circle of Moms members agree with the study's finding that step children particularly benefit from a parent's positive bond with a step parent."I found my wonderful husband the second time around," says Diana P. "He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have six kids between us. He loves my kids and I love his, and we only use the word ‘step' for identity purposes to strangers." And Heather shares that "It's amazing how much your life can change when you meet someone that is good for you and to your children."

Having a step family was not something most moms plan for or anticipate, but many Circle of Moms members like Trisha G. say ultimately they have realized their are two choices following divorce: remain in the loss, or embrace the future.

"I am very blessed to have a man the second time around [who] would do anything for me," she says. "He loves me like no other ever has and treats my kids as if they were his own. "

Do you think a parent's second marriage can heal a child's loss of his original family?

Image Source: Jack Fussell via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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CoMMember13616446415686 CoMMember13616446415686 5 years
As someone who as a kid lived through divorce & got a step-father down the line I agree with this article. Sure there was trauma & stress, but overall it was an incredible gift to my life. To put it simply, I don't know where I would be without the great example of my mom & my step-dad. If I had only had my mom & dad's relationship as an example I would have never seen what love & respect truly is. I thank my mom everyday for the courage it took to better both our lives.
KirstenMehringer KirstenMehringer 5 years
thank you for this positive point, I am going through divorce right now and am so scared and skeptical of what it will do to my children and debate whether I am doing the right thing for them but I also know I can't stay where I was and teach them to be like or accept that (since I have one girl and one boy and oh yeah when I left I didn't know I was 4 weeks pregnant) so this really helps me!
MarshaMais MarshaMais 5 years
My oldest daughter practically picked my second husband for me. So I knew he'd be good for us. Almost 4 years later, he isn't good for us afterall. He's wonderful.
EllenHauser EllenHauser 5 years
I agree with the article except for one major issue: the author makes it sound like it is up to the single mom whether or not she remarries! I have been divorced for 11.5 years (my daughter was a baby). I have worked on myself, had counseling to get over the divorce, and have been good and darn ready for a new positive relationship for several years now - nothing has come by. (Men have come by, but they have pretty much all been bad news). Most of the single moms I know are in the same boat - we're ready to embrace new love - if a decent, loving man would just come our way (yes, we've tried groups, activities, online, etc.). So...I come away from this article feeling more guilty that I can't seem to bring about a happy second marriage that would help my daughter heal!
BettiePfeiffer BettiePfeiffer 5 years
This would be a wonderful thing to happen, but with my situation, my step daughter has been in charge of her decisions ever since her dad (my husband) told her at age 4 that he wouldn't make her go or do anything she didn't want to do, in order to make her feel happy about her mother walking out on her dad and breaking up the happy (Not!) family. From three daughters from three different men and living a life of independence and having ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, she has rejected the Happy new family (ME!!) and basically her dad as well, since she is convinced (by her mother) that her dad chose me over her and that my trying to teach her the much needed things she should know, like personal hygiene and social skills, home schooling doesn't teach. Since my husband no longer is trying to make her happy, her mother happy and me all at the same time, the relationship she had with him is also going downhill. Typical teenager maybe her problem, but the influence from outside isn't helping any growth. My marriage is the best thing to happen to both of us. After two failed marriages on my hubby's part and one of mine, we are very much a part of each now. I have 3 adult boys and he has a 15 year daughter. he married a younger woman and she is only a couple years older than my oldest son. Two of my three boys have a good relationship with my husband, the youngest being the problem since he was his dads favorite child. I hope to have a happy relationship with my step-daughter, but it will be when she decides it.
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