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Will I Really Love Baby Number Two As Much as My First?

Will I Really Love Baby Number Two As Much as My First?

When talking to women who are expecting their second baby, the number one concern I hear is that they can’t possibly love another child as much as their first (see Will I love them both the same?) As a mother of six, I can assure you that you can and will love a second (or third or fourth, etc.) child just as fiercely as you love your firstborn. Well, until they paint the wall with blue yogurt and track mud across your freshly washed floors. Just kidding, you’ll still love them even then.

My first reaction, when I hear a pregnant woman confess this fear, is to tell her she’s crazy; however, here’s a tip from me to you, it’s generally not a good idea to tell a pregnant woman she’s crazy. Ever. And honestly, she’s not really crazy; it’s actually a good sign when she’s worried she won’t be able to love her second baby. It means she’s created a strong bond with her first and will do anything she can to prevent them from being hurt or slighted in any way.

The great thing about love is that we don’t have a finite amount of it. We can love so many things at once, like our spouses, parents, children, the lovely anesthesiologist with the epidural, chocolate, and wine. By loving a second baby, we are not taking love away from our first child; we’re simply adding another love to our lives.
Granted, your first child may not get as much time alone with you as they did before Number Two comes along. (Hmmm, “Number Two” probably isn’t the best choice of names. Let’s change that to “Baby Two”.) You will certainly need to take time to care for Baby Two, and your firstborn may feel a little jealousy about that, however, every one of my friends agrees that the worry was unnecessary as their firstborns adjusted so much better than they could’ve imagined.

Set aside special time for your oldest child. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Play a game, do a puzzle, read a book, or bake some cookies while Baby is napping. Include him, in age-appropriate ways, in your newborn’s care. Young children can fetch diapers, blankets and pacifiers; older ones can give Baby a bottle, rock him to sleep, or watch him while you take that weekly shower. But, above all, relax. You’re going to love them both, and they’re going to grow up knowing it. And just think, as they get older, they’ll be the best of friends as one runs interference while the other sneaks the cookies out of the kitchen. Watching that camaraderie between your children is a beautiful thing.

Author and award-winning mommy blogger Dawn Meehan is the creator of the popular and hilarious BecauseISaidSo.com. Laugh your way through your pregnancy with Meehan’s humorous new book: You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and OTHER LIES about pregnancy and childbirth.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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Join The Conversation
EileenWells EileenWells 3 years
I have three children. I love them all with equal passion and depth, because they are mine. I also love them for how they are individuals. It sure was hard to conceive of loving any more with equal depth and fervor when we only had our first daughter, though!
SriwantiSriwanti SriwantiSriwanti 3 years
I wonder about that question too when i was pregnant with the 2nd.. but as soon as she came out...ooo.... i cant tell u how much i love her... and kinda forgot bout my 1st when i was in the hospital... hehe.. but really... i love them both equally... :) that's the wonder of being a mother!! :)
Lisa24368 Lisa24368 4 years
This is a wonderful question. Like others my kids are now grown and married. When my first child was born he was a cuddler, wanted to play and get into as many things as possible. He loved being held and always held his arms up for more. I had trouble getting pregnant the second time around, our second child was completely 100%different. We had hoped for a girl, since we already had our little boy...she was everything I had hoped and prayed for. The differances though was that she Never wanted to be HELD....She always wanted to be Miss Independant, even when it came to bath time....which always concerned me as she wanted NO ONE in the room as she played in the tub. Luckily we had one of those suction things that kept her from falling, slipping or getting hurt and I was always a 'Peek Away"...Now as they are nearing their 30's I can think back, my First was a complete Joy, made everyone Happy and even up to today, he is more concerned about others than himself. My daughter now married, still does not care to be Hugged, Loved and at times it's just really hard to communicate......I Love them both sooooo much, but my son has a Compassionate Side that my daughter doesn't show. She is also more critical so it's difficult to even go out for coffee or shopping the things every mother wishes to do with their little girl.....For me there is a HUGE difference and it's seen Soon after their birth. Both were Treated equally in everything, for us there was a differance and the child chose how it was going to be. You cannot FORCE love on anyone. They have to want it.......
CecilleIida CecilleIida 4 years
well , i have two grown up kids , i love them just the same. i make it a point to give them the same equal amount of care and attention. since they are both my children , i will never allow myself to cultivate enviousness among them. it's always a Mother's love that comes their way.
PriscillaMcConnell PriscillaMcConnell 4 years
I seriously thought, "There is NO WAY I can love this baby as much as my first". People tried telling me and I would say, "I know I will" but I didn't believe it myself. I would cry at night feeling sorry for the baby coming because I just couldn't imagine the amount of love I had for my first being duplicated. Then baby number 2 came and I laugh at my previous thoughts and now much worry I had about it. The size the heart grows as a mom is a true mystery. Thanks for this article!
GrandmaGillatt GrandmaGillatt 4 years
No you wont love your second child the same for the simple reason is - your second child is unique! And you will be a different parent! And between those 2 factors comes a love just as unique and special! Trust me - I know!! Good luck and relax and enjoy!!
GrandmaGillatt GrandmaGillatt 4 years
No you wont love your second child the same for the pure reason is - your second child is unique! And you will be a different parent! And between those 2 factors comes a love just as unique and special! Trust me - I know!! Good luck and relax and enjoy!!
JessicaFlynn50283 JessicaFlynn50283 4 years
I'm so glad to hear you say that!!! I'm 35 weeks with my second lil one n I still worry about that. Now that the days are getting closer I do get more n more excited to see her n I can't waite anymore I dont think. I guess you're right, I do love her already!!! Thank you!
hopeSmith47536 hopeSmith47536 4 years
I have 5 kids and was very scared but,i love them all the same!!!
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