While innocently looking for a restaurant suggestion online the other day, I stumbled across an anti-parent, anti-child blog entry that just annoyed me. It was an angry (and narrow-minded, in my opinion) piece about how awful it is when this particular person has to dine with families at his favorite restaurants. He/she literally suggested that families shouldn't be allowed to dine in restaurants at all, and most definitely not the ones that are any good.
Here are my guesses:
#1, this person is somewhere between 21-26.
#2, this person will have a completely different blog in about 5-10 years when he/she has kids of his/her own and realizes that going out for dinner is like parental heroin . . . you know, your fix is having someone else prepare and clean up your meal while all you have to do is watch the kids and make sure they don't drive the other patrons nuts. Because that's the easy part. Right.
So, while I get that I shouldn't be carting my kids off to the Pump Room for a 9PM Saturday night reservation, I don't think it's such a crime to have them enjoy a 5:30PM reservation at a local haunt regardless of how cool and trendy it is this week. Instead of digitally flicking this guy or gal off by replying to his/her post, instead I thought I'd make a list of all of the ways that the world would be a better place for those of us with kids . . . maybe this will drive it home:
- If the world revolved around families, there would be no such thing as lines at the grocery store. Instead of spending 15 minutes telling our kids to stop touching everything in the checkout line, like candy, magazines, or batteries, we'd just breeze through the aisles, yell our credit card numbers out to the teller as we beelined to our cars. No fuss, no muss.
- If the world revolved around families, there would be a Starbucks with dozens of drive-thru windows and on-duty baristas somewhere between my house and school.
- If the world revolved around families, there would be TVs with DVD players and current Disney movies playing in every waiting room in the United States. This includes all airport terminals as well. And speaking of airports...
- If the world revolved around families, there would be such a thing as teleportation like on Star Trek (yes, I'm a nerd), so that families would never, never, never, ever have to deal with air travel at all.
- If the world revolved around families, no one with kids would ever have to go to the DMV, post office, or emergency room.
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- If the world revolved around families, there would be a school that offered pick up and drop off for every student, before and after every class every single day. Parent conferences would be held at each family's house, scheduled only between 4:30-6:00 so that one teacher could babysit for our kids while the other holds the conference.
- If the world revolved around families, along with diapers and those mesh granny panties, the nurse would give you the most recent version of the iPad with 50 Shades of Grey already downloaded, a gift certificate for one year of night nursing, and a Rolodex of babysitter names the day you leave the hospital to take your newborn home with you. She'd also offer to come by for free anytime you have a question or need a break, reducing the need for the Rolodex, or an income.
- If the world revolved around families, all cars would have a third row, a backseat garbage can, a built-in baby wipe holder and one of those dividers that limos have in case the crying, yelling, complaining gets to you.
- If the world revolved around families, someone else would pay for college, braces, baseball, ballet, and the wedding.
- If the world revolved around families, grandparents would be required to spend one weekend each month babysitting the kids while following every single one of our rules and schedule that we've set for our kids.
- If the world revolved around families, everyone else would know that we're doing our very best to keep our kids well-behaved and reasonably quiet while you eat at the table next to us.