Kristin V. knew that becoming a mom would change her life. What she didn’t realize was that it would impact her friendships. Over the course of her pregnancy, this new mom confides, "Most of my friends changed and stopped talking to me." Nikki N., who has a seven-month-old, had a similar experience: her non-mom friends stopped calling after she started turning down invitations to go out drinking and partying.
Are these kind of snubs as inevitable as diapers when you become a mom? Many Circle of Moms members not only believe that they don't have to be, they suggest three ideas for maintaining ties with friends who don't yet have kids.
1. Acknowledge the Big Change
New moms and their non-mom friends should give one another time to adapt, says Michelle J. "The early stages of motherhood can seem overwhelming, so try to explain that to your friends, and let them know that you need them. Your friends [who] don't have children don't know what you are going through and are likely confused as to where they now fit into your life. Don't close them off, but instead give them time."
She also points out that not all friendships will survive this shift: "You will likely lose some of them, although maybe not forever. The ones who stick through it are true friends to be cherished."
2. Let Go
Several moms echo Michelle's point, pointing out that as much as you love your old friends ("the friends you had are the ones you think are with you forever," says Amber K.), you may find that you now have more in common with women who are moms.
Mariah G. recommends weeding out the friends who push you away because you're busy with your baby: "Your true friends will definitely show when times get tough," she says. "Your ‘real friends’ should be able to understand that your precious little one comes first in your life above all. If they cannot understand that, then they weren't your real friends to begin with."
Friendships have their ups and downs and can cycle in and out of your life over time, adds Maggie R., who advises finding new friends who "share the same lifestyle as you," without throwing your old friends away. "They'll call once in awhile and it will be nice just to catch up," she predicts.
"It’s really about finding people who can relate to you and what you are going through at different stages in your life," says Cami P.
3. Reunite When Your Friends Have Kids
Even when it feels like you have lost a friend there is often an opportunity ahead to revive the relationship — when she, too, becomes a mom. As Aleashia D. reassuringly offers, "Now that most of my friends have kids it's gotten better and we're back on the same page."
Similarly, Emily W. reached out to long-lost friends when they joined her in parenthood. "I got pregnant with my boys when I was 19. Most of my friends were in college, working and partying, not having babies. My boys are six now and I've started reconnecting with some of my friends from school because more of them have settled down now with families."
What tips do you have for keeping your relationships alive with friends who aren’t moms?
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.