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Maintaining Your Friendships With Non-Moms After Baby

Maintaining Your Friendships With Non-Moms After Baby

Kristin V. knew that becoming a mom would change her life. What she didn’t realize was that it would impact her friendships. Over the course of her pregnancy, this new mom confides, "Most of my friends changed and stopped talking to me." Nikki N., who has a seven-month-old, had a similar experience: her non-mom friends stopped calling after she started turning down invitations to go out drinking and partying.

Are these kind of snubs as inevitable as diapers when you become a mom? Many Circle of Moms members not only believe that they don't have to be, they suggest three ideas for maintaining ties with friends who don't yet have kids.

1. Acknowledge the Big Change

New moms and their non-mom friends should give one another time to adapt, says Michelle J. "The early stages of motherhood can seem overwhelming, so try to explain that to your friends, and let them know that you need them. Your friends [who] don't have children don't know what you are going through and are likely confused as to where they now fit into your life. Don't close them off, but instead give them time."

She also points out that not all friendships will survive this shift: "You will likely lose some of them, although maybe not forever. The ones who stick through it are true friends to be cherished."

 

2. Let Go

Several moms echo Michelle's point, pointing out that as much as you love your old friends ("the friends you had are the ones you think are with you forever," says Amber K.), you may find that you now have more in common with women who are moms.

Mariah G. recommends weeding out the friends who push you away because you're busy with your baby: "Your true friends will definitely show when times get tough," she says. "Your ‘real friends’ should be able to understand that your precious little one comes first in your life above all. If they cannot understand that, then they weren't your real friends to begin with."

Friendships have their ups and downs and can cycle in and out of your life over time, adds Maggie R., who advises finding new friends who "share the same lifestyle as you," without throwing your old friends away. "They'll call once in awhile and it will be nice just to catch up," she predicts.

"It’s really about finding people who can relate to you and what you are going through at different stages in your life," says Cami P.

3. Reunite When Your Friends Have Kids

Even when it feels like you have lost a friend there is often an opportunity ahead to revive the relationship — when she, too, becomes a mom. As Aleashia D. reassuringly offers, "Now that most of my friends have kids it's gotten better and we're back on the same page."

Similarly, Emily W. reached out to long-lost friends when they joined her in parenthood. "I got pregnant with my boys when I was 19. Most of my friends were in college, working and partying, not having babies. My boys are six now and I've started reconnecting with some of my friends from school because more of them have settled down now with families."

What tips do you have for keeping your relationships alive with friends who aren’t moms?

Image Source: SBest2048 via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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LisaCreson LisaCreson 3 years
I have to add one more thing: I have subscribed by email, so the blurb is what caught my eye: ''Why I'm no longer friends with non moms' Why is it about the non-mom yielding to the need of the mom? Does motherhoood make us lose our minds and forget what made us women and FRIENDS? That means reciprocity, no matter what, and not playing the 'measure up' game...oh, she's child free so my schedule is automatically more important? Fellow moms, please let's stop thinking this way. And if any mom can cut a non-mom friend out of her life easily, then I suggest it is the MOM who was not the 'true friend'.
LisaCreson LisaCreson 3 years
This notion of some 'great divide' I believe is down to the MOMS rather than the non-moms. I am a mom of a 2yo. Many of my friends are non moms. Sure, I had a priority shift, but this thinking that becoming a mother means everything in my life is only about my son, is quite flawed. We are all women before we became moms. We had something in life which was the #1 priority, before we became moms...and that didn't interfere with our friendships with others who had different #1s. Of course lifestyles change a bit, and if your friendships revolve around just going out and drinking, that's probably not going to work. But my friends and I share many other interests too...and there's nothing at all wrong with leaving the little one at home to go for a cup of coffee once a week, like you've always done before you had a baby. I would like to see women today embrace motherhood without feeling like they have to abandon everything about them as a woman, which existed long before the baby came along. I have more trouble being friends with the 'Mommy Olympic' types who make everything a contest.
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