Whether you just gave birth or have a brood of little people running around at all hours, one thing is pretty certain: your sex life will never be exactly the same.
Constance Hall is a mother of four and knows all too well the struggles of "parent sex." From realizing that it's been over a month since anyone has gotten any to getting the deed done in less than four minutes because that's the only quiet time you have, the act of procreating after you've already procreated comes with a distinct set of challenges. And instead of ignoring these hiccups and making it seem like she and her hubby have the ultimate sex life, Constance got very real with her Facebook followers with one epic post:
We had "parent sex" yesterday.
You know what parent sex is, it's that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food,
where you notice that all of your kids are pretty distracted,
Where you realise it's been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates,
Where your husbands seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick,
Where you position the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they're sneaking up on people,
Where no matter how hot it is you chuck the doona on top of yourselves in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing "yoga" in bed,
It's a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you here the add break.
Men are amazing and impressive creatures, by sheer determination, it's inspiring how one can manage to "finish" under such circumstances, us women, aren't always so easy.
All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day.
Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I'm amazing.
Although posting about how often you've slept with your husband can definitely be considered TMI, Constance added humor to her personal experiences because she knows — between massive time restrictions and getting in the mood — that having sex as a parent is just harder.
"I don't write anything unless it's going to be real and honest," Constance said. "So I decided to write about the shag, pretty much because it was the most interesting thing that happened to me in the last couple of days, and then I sat down and had a serious think about what really goes on in my sex life."