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Nerves During Pregnancy

Lil Community: Will I Bond With My Baby?

A member of the LilSugar Community is closing in on her due date and is wondering when the mother-child bond will set in. She wrote in to our anonymous A Place to Vent group, saying:

I'm 28 weeks on Sunday. This marks going into my third trimester. Even though I can feel my little one quite clearly inside me, I still can't believe I'm pregnant. Receiving gifts (i.e. car seat, crib, and clothes) [brings] me down to Earth and reminds me that I'm preparing to have a new addition to my life. I just wonder if . . . feeling like this is still [so] unworldy is going to have consequences when I actually do give birth. I'm not worried about the mothering thing. I've helped with my sister's kids – almost acting as a second mom at times. [But] I can't wait to have him smile just for me. Or to see his face light up when I come in the room, to feel that bond that is like no other in the world. 

Let it all out in our anonymous group, A Place to Vent, and share your stress with fellow moms and mamas-to-be who understand your plight.

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Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 6 years
I'm a little farther out than everyone else who has answered; my only child is three years old. I did not bond with her until she was a year old. One year. 52 weeks! I was horribly depressed and anxious for the first year of her life. Once that first birthday hit, though, it was like some switch had been flipped. She walked, she talked, she played, and she SLEPT. Ever since then, I've been bonded and smitten and just ridiculously in love with my daughter.
starbucks2 starbucks2 6 years
What you're feeling is completely normal. I was scared to death. My pregnancy was unplanned and at 22 I was still fairly young. None of my friends had kids and I had never even held a baby before. So I really didn't even know if I liked kids! So the whole pregancy (although I was really excited about her most of the time) there was this voice on my head telling my I really screwed up my life and hers because I would never be the mother she deservers. Even in labor I still coulnd't really believe there was a baby about to come out! And then I held her....It was weird...I was happy and glad to hold her but I did not have this overwhelming feeling that movies and other moms make you think everyone gets. I mean I loved her from the first moment, but it was not like angels singing and my life finally getting a meaning. Now, I couldn't imagine my life without her and I realized my life has only changed in parts. I am still the same person, I still enjoy the same things and I still have a wonderful relationship with her daddy. Don't freak out, everything will fall in place. You'll get used to having a baby around and you'll actually love it!
runningesq runningesq 6 years
Yeah, people that call their fetus "bean" "peanut" etc. Ha, at the ultrasound we saw the baby's face and I said "that is terrifying!" In all fairness, all we could see was the bone structure of the face, and he looked like skelator. I'm sure he'll be cuter in 21 weeks :P
amandachalynn amandachalynn 6 years
Who has a nickname for their fetus? Really? At my sono this morning the fetus was moving so much my hubby and I were laughing because it looked like an alien from a bad SciFi show.
macneil macneil 6 years
Yeah, I also felt like I should be crying at ultrasounds and wasn't. Usually my husband and I would have to stop ourselves giggling because of something the scan person said. On Friends, every one of the Friends blubbed at them.
runningesq runningesq 6 years
I'll just tell you that you're not alone. I'm a bit behind you at 19 weeks, and the whole thing seems SO unreal. I'm not one of those people that sobs at ultrasounds or has a nickname for her fetus.
amandachalynn amandachalynn 6 years
Macneil's situation is definitely not unusual. Many moms don't feel a connection at first! I think it's not as common to feel totally bonded while you're pregnant. I did with my first, this one, not so much. Sad to say, so far this pregnancy has just been frustrating because I have so much to do and I'm so tired! I think that you being worried about it proves that you will be a great mother, and in no time you will feel that crazy bond and love that only comes from being a parent.
macneil macneil 6 years
My husband and I spent the whole pregnancy saying 'What have we done? We were so happy. We have ruined our lives. Neither of us wants kids. Neither of us likes kids.' As soon as we saw our first baby's face, we were both madly in love with her and our lives changed completely. It's comical to think about regretting her existence, we adore her. But if the moment doesn't happen at birth, that's not terrible either. When my second was born, I didn't have the same connection, and would worry that I was a horrible person. I felt guilty about depriving my first of the time I'd spent with her before, I felt guilty about not thinking the second was as pretty, I felt horrible and guilty all the time. Two year olds are so much fun and newborns, when you've had them, are just little vulnerable packages who do nothing hilarious. But as the months passed - and it took months - we fell in love, and the love is just as deep and insane. I think it's unusual not to love your children, it's not something you need to worry about; the overwhelming odds suggest you will be obsessed with them, talk about them non-stop to everyone you know, and never stop banging on about how you'd die for them.
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