This Dad Says Insane Stuff to His Kids — and You'll Probably Relate to All of It

If kids say the darnedest things, just imagine what comes out of the mouths of their moms and dads. What might seem to the uninitiated as the musings of an insane person are actually just the desperate commands, responses, and questions that parents give to their children.

No one knows that to be more true than Nathan Ripperger, a father to five boys. It didn't take long before he realized that all the hilarious, bizarre, and downright absurd things he said to them might be worth documenting.

So he did, in the form of poster art — which he sold for years on Etsy before turning them into a sublimely funny, just-released book called Things I've Said to My Children.

Although the book has 96 pages of quips that all parents can relate to, we've rounded up some of our favorite quotes, straight from Ripperger's mouth. Read on to see them, and prepare to feel less weird about whatever ridiculous things your kid is doing right this minute.