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Scared About Pregnancy

Lil Community: A Mom-to-Be Is Scared and Confused

Pregnancy is a journey filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Dark chocola submitted this post in our LilSugar Community.

First of all, am not married yet. I am in a wonderful relationship with a great man. I moved in with him last year, and we agreed we'd do all we wanted to before having babies – after marriage of course. We planned to get married in December 2011.

I recently felt tired and we went to doctor where he told me am pregnant. I am not on a pill and we were drunk, and he ignored the condom. I felt all my dreams about my studies, around-the-world tours, parties, etc. just vanished. I also felt like l'd loose the love of my life – he isn't ready for this child. So I told him I'd get an abortion and he went crazy – saying that it is a life and abortion is a crime, we can't kill a baby just to go around the world, etc. He begged me not to feel bad about it, he'll be a good father, and after the baby is born we'll do everything like a family. I was astonished with how he reacted. He started getting home two hours earlier to make us dinner. He rests his head on my stomach and listens carefully for sounds from our baby-to-be. He also makes promises of good life – his "alone time room," which was full of books and gym equipment, is being painted to be the baby room. When my doctor said I had to stop smoking, he stopped smoking at house, he stopped drinking, his expensive dream car went to the bottom of the priorities list.

I want the baby, but am afraid to loose my "girlfriend" status to be "the mother of my child." I feel older. I love him so much and sometimes when he hugs me I really want to see the baby between us, but I don't want him to blame me in the future for wasting any chances he wanted because of my pregnancy. When I tell him this he says, "Family first. The baby is my motive now. I trust you. Don't take him away from me." I worked as a babysitter, as a teacher also, and I forgot my heartbreak when one of my students left the school – I stopped my teaching career then. I am afraid he has other children and he might not love ours like those of the other marriage. Is this all normal?

Want to talk pregnancy with other expectant mamas? Get the conversation started in The Pregnancy Posse group!

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EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
I can only say that the above posters have given excellent advice. I waited until I was 38 to get pregnant, but even then, I still thought about everything I wanted to do which I hadn't done yet. But once that baby is born, you'll realize that the sacrifices are worth it, that the parties and travel don't - can't! - equal the smile on your baby's face. As far as studies, you can always go back to school when your baby does.And you are so lucky to have a supportive man. When my EX-husband found out I was pregnant, he went on a spree which broke my heart and left me a single mother! Truly, enjoy your pregnancy, and know that being scared and apprehensive is normal.
EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
I can only say that the above posters have given excellent advice. I waited until I was 38 to get pregnant, but even then, I still thought about everything I wanted to do which I hadn't done yet. But once that baby is born, you'll realize that the sacrifices are worth it, that the parties and travel don't - can't! - equal the smile on your baby's face. As far as studies, you can always go back to school when your baby does. And you are so lucky to have a supportive man. When my EX-husband found out I was pregnant, he went on a spree which broke my heart and left me a single mother! Truly, enjoy your pregnancy, and know that being scared and apprehensive is normal.
phatE phatE 5 years
i think fear is normal.. this is a big deal, and this does change your life. honestly, you will have to shift your focus & may have to push aside some of your dreams for awhile - but life will move on & tyou will be ok. worst case scenario - he leaves- you will be ok. i think that's the main thing here, is just you knowing that you're going to be ok.. if you're to the point that you really can't see that, you may want to go talk to a counselor or someone who can help you work through this.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 5 years
I am not a mother yet, but I have to agree the two above posters, it sounds like you have a good, mature man on your side to help back you up. It sounds like he already loves this baby, I'm sure he'll love it even more after he or she is born. Don't worry, it will be okay. :-)
BellaH68 BellaH68 5 years
COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. Being pregnant is a time filled with uncertainty and worry. Welcome to motherhood! LOL First, let me assure you that he WILL love your baby equally as he does his other children. Its amazing (no matter how cliched it sounds) how we as humans have theability to expand the room in our heart for children. You think after your first child "how can I love any human as much as I love this little person"...and yet, you do. It will be the same way for him. He sounds like a great man and father and you are blessed that he is so loving and considerate! My suggestion as far as not feeling like "the girlfriend". Make time for your BF now. Being pregnant does not mean romance dies (though some days you just may not have the energy.) Find a baby sitter while you are pregnant so that you can have dates after the baby is born. You can still LIVE after having children, your priorities just shift. You will still be able to travel, you just may have to delay that til baby is at a travelable age. If I were you, I'd sign up for some weekly baby progress emails/websites and baby communities. Seeing the weekly progress of your baby (nails have formed, lungs are mature, baby has hiccups, etc) really help you get excited. On baby communities, you can find birth boards where all the women are due the same month and are going through the same emotions and symptoms. They are great places for support. Just wait...one day you will be looking down at the little bundle in your arms, your adoring boyfriend cuddled up next to you, watching baby sleep and you will wonder how your life was ever complete before. I'm telling you, its the most powerful and fulfilling emotion you will ever know. Best of luck to you for a happy future.
BellaH68 BellaH68 5 years
COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. Being pregnant is a time filled with uncertainty and worry. Welcome to motherhood! LOL First, let me assure you that he WILL love your baby equally as he does his other children. Its amazing (no matter how cliched it sounds) how we as humans have theability to expand the room in our heart for children. You think after your first child "how can I love any human as much as I love this little person"...and yet, you do. It will be the same way for him. He sounds like a great man and father and you are blessed that he is so loving and considerate! My suggestion as far as not feeling like "the girlfriend". Make time for your BF now. Being pregnant does not mean romance dies (though some days you just may not have the energy.) Find a baby sitter while you are pregnant so that you can have dates after the baby is born. You can still LIVE after having children, your priorities just shift. You will still be able to travel, you just may have to delay that til baby is at a travelable age. If I were you, I'd sign up for some weekly baby progress emails/websites and baby communities. Seeing the weekly progress of your baby (nails have formed, lungs are mature, baby has hiccups, etc) really help you get excited. On baby communities, you can find birth boards where all the women are due the same month and are going through the same emotions and symptoms. They are great places for support. Just wait...one day you will be looking down at the little bundle in your arms, your adoring boyfriend cuddled up next to you, watching baby sleep and you will wonder how your life was ever complete before. I'm telling you, its the most powerful and fulfilling emotion you will ever know. Best of luck to you for a happy future.
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
Hey! I was in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend had just moved in together 6 months ago when I got pregnant. We had been together for 2 years at that point and knew we eventually wanted to get married and have children but I was still in school, so we were planning those things a few years down the road. It is perfectly normal to be scared! You're never really ready to have a child. It is scary when you're in you're early 20's just as much as if you're 10 years older. And yes, you do have to give up a lot. And I'm not gonna lie, that is tough! I hate that I can't do whatever I want sometimes. But I also know, once my baby's all grown up I'll still be fairly young and can do the travelling (and with a lot more money, too!). Your life's not over once you have a child. It just changes drastically. But it sounds like you have a good partner at your side. He sounds excited about the baby. And you shouldn't feel guilty. It was his fault, too. You're in this together! And why shouldn't he love this kid as much as the ones he already has? What makes you think this? I'm sure you'll do fine. It is perfectly normal to panic! Everybody does, most people just don't talk about it!
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
Hey! I was in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend had just moved in together 6 months ago when I got pregnant. We had been together for 2 years at that point and knew we eventually wanted to get married and have children but I was still in school, so we were planning those things a few years down the road.It is perfectly normal to be scared! You're never really ready to have a child. It is scary when you're in you're early 20's just as much as if you're 10 years older. And yes, you do have to give up a lot. And I'm not gonna lie, that is tough! I hate that I can't do whatever I want sometimes. But I also know, once my baby's all grown up I'll still be fairly young and can do the travelling (and with a lot more money, too!). Your life's not over once you have a child. It just changes drastically. But it sounds like you have a good partner at your side. He sounds excited about the baby. And you shouldn't feel guilty. It was his fault, too. You're in this together!And why shouldn't he love this kid as much as the ones he already has? What makes you think this? I'm sure you'll do fine. It is perfectly normal to panic! Everybody does, most people just don't talk about it!
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