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Sex After Kids

Why Sex After Kids Is Like Dating in High School

One thing that was left out of all the pregnancy books and classes I went through during my first pregnancy was the topic of sex after kids. Sure, I learned I would have to wait six weeks after giving birth before getting busy again, but I wasn't told that that wasn't the full story.

My husband and I had a healthy sexual relationship before having kids. It was spontaneous. We experimented. I felt like a sexual goddess. We actually laughed about how difficult it would be to wait those six weeks out before getting busy again.

But then I had the baby, and Mama's fun land was closed for repairs.

My darling husband was very understanding and patient. Well, as patient as he could be. He'd drop hints and cop a feel, but I felt uncomfortable in my new mom body. It wasn't just the fact that I'd given birth that made me hesitant. I just felt so . . . unattractive, tired, overwhelmed. And scared.

I was scared to have sex again. Scared it would hurt. Scared to be interrupted by the baby.

So, we started slow again, with making out and heavy petting. The boundary was not set in stone and could only be found by trying to get to the next base. It was like we were dating all over again. It was new to me again. My body had changed and so had some of my responses. We needed to rediscover each other. 

We also had to sneak around like a couple of teenagers. Granted, the baby was young at that point, but we still felt the need to be discreet. Plus, we had to be quiet so as not to wake the baby . . .

It took about five or six months before I really felt ready to get back on the intimate saddle. Messing around like we were on a hot date was one thing, but actually going all the way took some coaxing. When I finally started to feel more human again — more like a woman and not just "a mom" — we scheduled a date night. It wasn't the first date night we'd had since having the baby, but it was the first time we were truly alone for the entire thing.

Our plan was to go out to dinner and a movie. Or, at least, that's what we told the in-laws who were babysitting that night. Instead of going out, we drove back home for an intimate date in our bedroom. It was the best use of a date night babysitter ever. Now we joke around when one of us suggests a movie date. Do you mean actually GO to the movie?

Sometimes I say yes, and sometimes I say no.

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