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Sex After Kids

Why Sex After Kids Is Like Dating in High School

One thing that was left out of all the pregnancy books and classes I went through during my first pregnancy was the topic of sex after kids. Sure, I learned I would have to wait six weeks after giving birth before getting busy again, but I wasn't told that that wasn't the full story.

My husband and I had a healthy sexual relationship before having kids. It was spontaneous. We experimented. I felt like a sexual goddess. We actually laughed about how difficult it would be to wait those six weeks out before getting busy again.

But then I had the baby, and Mama's fun land was closed for repairs.

My darling husband was very understanding and patient. Well, as patient as he could be. He'd drop hints and cop a feel, but I felt uncomfortable in my new mom body. It wasn't just the fact that I'd given birth that made me hesitant. I just felt so . . . unattractive, tired, overwhelmed. And scared.

I was scared to have sex again. Scared it would hurt. Scared to be interrupted by the baby.

So, we started slow again, with making out and heavy petting. The boundary was not set in stone and could only be found by trying to get to the next base. It was like we were dating all over again. It was new to me again. My body had changed and so had some of my responses. We needed to rediscover each other. 

We also had to sneak around like a couple of teenagers. Granted, the baby was young at that point, but we still felt the need to be discreet. Plus, we had to be quiet so as not to wake the baby . . .

It took about five or six months before I really felt ready to get back on the intimate saddle. Messing around like we were on a hot date was one thing, but actually going all the way took some coaxing. When I finally started to feel more human again — more like a woman and not just "a mom" — we scheduled a date night. It wasn't the first date night we'd had since having the baby, but it was the first time we were truly alone for the entire thing.

Our plan was to go out to dinner and a movie. Or, at least, that's what we told the in-laws who were babysitting that night. Instead of going out, we drove back home for an intimate date in our bedroom. It was the best use of a date night babysitter ever. Now we joke around when one of us suggests a movie date. Do you mean actually GO to the movie?

Sometimes I say yes, and sometimes I say no.

Image Source: Shutterstock
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Join The Conversation
Max50833 Max50833 2 years
I am ROFLMBO. Our daughters are now 27yo, 26yo and 21yo, and I know EXACTLY what you mean :D! But wait ... wait until your KIDS are TEENAGERS themselves, then you WILL find yourselves sneaking around LOL. At least you won't have to get babysitters for them, heck, you will try to find CLIENTS for them so you can have some *time* to yourselves :D!
rociosegovialencina rociosegovialencina 3 years
I had the same problem I felt really uncomfortable and it was weird to try anything and iit is true that there is no book to help u deal with all the little details after you actually had your baby but I think you learn to deal with this and all the problems that you face every day as a mum.
GillianHarris77834 GillianHarris77834 3 years
I must say I wanted sex almost the next day after I had my second child, but after the first one I was scared but we did other stuff in the first 6 weeks after then that very night of my 6 week check up and was given the green light for sex I was ready lol I think it is different for everyone but I also think it is important to keep some sexuality after kids because I know some women that have completely cut it out of their lives, which I do not believe can be to good but again every women is different. "Date" nights are the best just time for each other is what every couple with kids need!
The-H-in-Hollywood The-H-in-Hollywood 3 years
Just don't have more than two kids. And have them widely spaced. this is the best way to avoid runing your sex life with your husband. You MUST vacation alone together. Not when the baby is small of course. One of the sacrifices you make for a full year. that is one reason it is essential to keep the number of kids low.
ChristyAdams98835 ChristyAdams98835 3 years
My children are 9 and 7, and I still have this problem! I have to have the lights off. I am very awkward and uncomfortable with my body. I gained a total of 75 pounds from when I got pregnant with my first until about 2 years ago. I weighed 253 pounds. My sex drive is non existent. I also have thyroid problems and take depression meds, which doesn't help with the sex drive, or weight loss. I have lost nearly 50 pounds, but still a long way to go. Thanks for sharing.
KimSnelgrove KimSnelgrove 3 years
It's important to remember how crucial constant communication with your significant other is during this time - let him know how you feel so he's not worried about the cause of your hesitations. I have gone through this twice now, and both times intimacy during the months I was nursing was the worst - foreplay was messy, to say the least! (TMI, perhaps? Sorry.) I find that the creative dating helps, as well as sometimes just going with it when you think you don't want to. I was willing to do that for my husband, because I feel that sexual release is a physical need for men, and I want him to stay with me and not go somewhere else for it. Every time I "sacrificed" this way, I was so glad I did, and those times are part of what made me feel human again. I found that my paranoia about my new body was just mine, and that he appreciated the changes more than I did; our spouses/significant others watch us go through our pregnancy, are hopefully there for the delivery, and my husband told me that it was such an amazing experience for him, and that the physical changes were just part and parcel of the whole deal. I know I am super blessed with the man I married, in so many ways. Maybe this will help some of you know how to approach this situation - good luck to ALL of us moms, we need it!
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