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Should Parents Let Teens Have Sex in the House?

Should Parents Let Teens Have Sex in the House?

There’s been a lot of discussion about parents letting their teenagers have sex in the house. The New York Times weighed in on the topic. The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck talked about it. Even Perez Hilton chimed inCircle of Moms members are talking, too, but they’re not saying what I expected them to say.

Should You Allow Your Teen to Have Sex at Home?

The argument for letting your teen have sex in your house goes something like this:

If you know your teens are having sex and they’re going to do it anyway, it’s safer to let them do it in your home. After all, they are (supposedly) more likely to use protection and you’ll know where they are.

With that being the reasoning, I suspected Circle of Moms members would fall into one of two camps. The “not on your life” camp or the “it’s a good idea” camp.  But it seems this question isn't one that easily lends itself to a simple “yes” or “no” answer.

So what do moms think about their teens having sex in the house?

“It’s disrespectful.”

A lot of moms say they wouldn’t allow teen sex under their roof. Many give reasons I expected to hear, like Kelly, who says her son shouldn’t be having sex at all “until he can be financially and emotionally prepared for a kid.” As she wisely points out, “birth control can fail.”  

Others are adamant that a parent’s role is to set limits and teach their kids to be responsible for their own behavior, something they believe can’t be done if a parent allows a child to act like an adult in their home.

 

But still other Circle of Moms members feel it’s simply a matter of respect. As Heather M. puts it, “having sex under age in your parent’s house is disrespectful.”  Shannon H. agrees, saying, “Absolutely not! That is your house to raise your children to be self-aware, responsible, contribute to society and [be] respectful.”

"It's safer."

Disrespectful or not, there are parents opting to let teens have sex in their house because they think it’s safer, though Circle of Moms members have differing opinions on what “safer” actually means.  

To some, it means kids will take fewers risks because their parents aren’t forbidding sex. Janice C., however, says she doesn’t think “condoning sex makes it any safer.”  

Moms like Liz, who asks, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “Unless you put the condom on the kid yourself, how is it safer?” think “safer” refers to parents making sure their children are using contraception.

Then there's Amanda O., who thinks both these viewpoints miss the real meaning of the word "safe" in this context.  “I think the word ‘safer’ is being taken the wrong way by some people. I know safe sex is contraception, etc., but in this case I think the 'safe' is meant for actual personal safety.”  

Her point is well-taken, and when they look at it in that context, a number Circle of Moms members say they’d rather open up their home to their kids than let them have sex in some “scummy place,” or the back of a car.

“I have mixed feelings.”

The truth is that many parents are ambivalent about the idea of allowing their teens to have sex at home, and the reasons are varied.

Karen G. shares, “I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, I do not really want them having sex in our home, [but] it is better for her to be at home instead of out in a car somewhere or at some guy's house, because anything could happen.”

 

Christine M. ‘s view shows similar ambivalence. This mom says she’ll provide her teens with condoms and other forms of birth control, but won’t “lay out the welcome mat.”  If her teens want to have sex, they’ll need to “sneak around” like she did when she was a kid.

Finally, there are quite a few moms like Kelina G., who don’t mind it happening in their homes but also don't really want to know about  it. Kelina says she’d be cool with her teen having sex at home, “provided it was far enough away [that] I couldn't hear it and they had a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door.”  

Are Parents Really Letting Teens Have Sex at Home?

If Circle of Moms members are any indication of what’s happening in homes all across the nation, this whole "phenomenon" of parents letting their teens have sex in the house isn’t trend so much as an ongoing conversation with no easy answers. Right now, it’s not an issue in my house, but I’m certainly considering what I will do when it becomes one.

Would you let your teen have sex in your home?

Image Source: Courtney Carmody via Flickr/CCL

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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Join The Conversation
DakotaWyoming DakotaWyoming 3 years
my child shouldn't because when he is married that is when he should have sex with his WIFE.
LauraHalley LauraHalley 3 years
This article breaks my heart. Sex is intended for marriage--a complete and total commitment and union of lives--the marriage relationship is the only "place" where sex is safe and completely beautiful with no regret, and an "unplanned pregnancy" (like our middle child) is a cause for joy and not panic. Not having sex before marriage in NO way hindered my sexual health or "compatability" or any of those lies the world tells us to justify premature sex. Rather, I know it preserved my overall health (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) and healthy relationship with my husband, who was also a virgin until our marriage. It schooled us in self-control and maturity, which is quite necessary when parenthood arrives. It also allows us uninhibited, unhaunted, unclouded enjoyment of our relationship together. Parents should be the first involved with their children when it comes to sex education, and the first to affirm that their children can have the responsibility and maturity to wait and to set wise boundaries, to affirm the value of their child who does not need to compromise to "fit in" or please another, and can be creative enough to enjoy opposite sex relationships and romance without taking it to levels of intimacy intended for marriage prematurely.
bellagypsi261 bellagypsi261 3 years
look, sex is NOT only for "grown ups" because not every legal adult is a gtown up. Come off it people. SEX is SEX no matter what. It WILL happen, where and when is up to us parents. If my daughters wanted to have sex in THIER bedrooms i would make sure they knew protction, saftey and no means no.I woulod rather it be in my home where i could come to the rescue if need be than have them in a car or behind a building and things get out of control. if we as parents take the hard ass gestapo stand, we will loose our kids. HOWEVER, it needs to be taken on a teen by teen case basis. my daughters are well schooled in anatomy, precautions, risks, as well as the psychological aspect. They also have been taught in detail about the changes a human body goes through before during and after sex of ANY kind. And for the record, they learned the details in a ROMAN CATHOLIC school with my blessing, and then we also went to the doctor for further questions and explinations.So please, get off your high horses and think like humans. its gonna happen weather we want it to or not.
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