Mother or Not, There Are Some Universal Truths to Womanhood

Christy Stratton is a mother and TV comedy writer — her latest venture is the hilarious web series Everyone's Crazy But Us, which just got picked up for a second season on Viacom Velocity. As time goes by, she's come to realize that she and her childless friends still have plenty in common.

Recently a woman I follow on Twitter posted this tweet:

Now, I know many people enjoyed it, as evidenced by the hundreds of retweets and thousands of likes. But I must admit — it irked me. I just hate it when I see even some small thing that contributes to the divide that exists between women who are mothers and women who are not.

I understand why we feel pit against each other: women are constantly put on the defensive when in comes to our reproductive choices. Still, it's a real shame, especially since we seem to be entering another dark age when it comes to sexism and women's rights. We need each other — all of us — to affect change and equality.

The good news is — we have common ground! Lots of it! Below are just a few things I think we can all agree on, regardless of offspring count.

If you think that the financial demands of having a child have curbed my desire to live fabulously, you'd be dead wrong. Money woes plague us all, because cute clothes/decor/tchotchkes literally follow us wherever we go on the Internet. That said, I am certainly better with coupons now!

The issues adult women and their mothers face are the stuff of legend and hilarious Carrie Fisher memoirs. As the data from a casual survey I took of my friends shows, there is no magic resolution that comes about if and when you become a parent yourself. We are all sisters when it comes to mothers.

I am and always was the type of person to say nothing when someone's being a d*ck. Literally a waitress could spit in my food in front of me and I would pretend I didn't see it and tip her well, as I wouldn't want to offend her (!!!). How I wish motherhood made me more aggressive — like, here comes mama bear, don't be rude to her at the dry cleaners or tell her she can't cry at work after being dressed down in front of a room full of people. You'll regret it! But, sadly, I am ever agreeable to all, even mean children.

My child-free friend Julie got swindled during a recent trip to Colombia and immediately got the Policia involved. My son tried to snooker my husband into giving him a cookie, after I said he couldn't have one, and I shut it down immediately. We are the same.

I have yet to meet an adult woman who does not have disdain for people who are buttholes on social media. Be you one of those people who posts a picture of yourself in a hospital bed with no explanation or someone who posts wildly exaggerated accomplishments on the daily — we are all annoyed by all of you, regardless of your child status.

Also, I believe I speak for all of womankind when I say we do not care for articles about how quitting drinking has markedly improved someone's memory/complexion/weight/life. It's simple — DO NOT SHARE. End of story.

Keep them coming, Gary.