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Stresses of Motherhood

Lil Community: Are My Kids Ruining My Marriage?

Sometimes mamas just need to let off some steam! This post comes from our anonymous group in the LilSugar Community, A Place to Vent.

Well here goes my first post....I think that my kids are ruining my that the most awful thing to say?!! They are two beautiful girls 4 and 2. They are very active but always want me over my husband. Constantly fighting over who will sit with me or next to me. It is so annoying. My husband, in turn, acts like a baby and says, "They never want me only you." I say, well maybe if you actually spent some QT with them they might want you!

I know I know it's harsh, but geeze I am wiped out. My husband and I spend more time apart then together. I know this may be normal, but it's killing our relationship. We don't have a lot of family to help us out by sitting with the kids so our date nights are very few and far between. Usually once a month. Please respond if you have any advise or are feeling the same way. I need help!!!

Overwhelmed by a crying baby, fighting tots, overbearing in-laws and competitive parents? Start venting in our anonymous group, A Place to Vent and share your stress with fellow moms who understand your plight.

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jenni5 jenni5 6 years
You sound like you need a little break to me. Get them into some kind of classes. The four year old can go to Pre-K and the two year old can definitely start some kind of separation class (even if it's only an hour it will be huge for you!). And definitely agree with the bath time idea. When dad gets home he can do the baths, the kids will enjoy the time with him and you get a break from the clingyness. I think once you get a little time to yourself, your relationship will not feel as strained.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 6 years
I had a very similar problem to this when my son was younger. Until he was about 5, he only wanted to be with me. But now that he is 6, he is all about daddy! :) I think you should "divide and conquer" so to speak. Work on the 4 year-old first. (getting a 2 year-old to not cling to mommy is gonna be really hard). Make sure that hubby spends time ALONE with your 4 year-old, maybe take her somewhere fun like the zoo or the aquarium. Then create a special activity, that is special for her and daddy - like reading a story before bed or first thing on Saturday morning. She will start to see daddy as a caregiver as much as mommy and will start going to him more. The 2 year-old will follow along with what her older sister does, most likely. Also, I would advise you to try to see your hubby's side of this. It HURTS him that his daughters don't seem to want him, and it makes him feel like he isn't measuring up as a father. Try to be as supportive of him as you can, and try not to snap at him about "spending quality time" with the kids, even though you may be at your wit's end. Come up with a plan together and support each other, and this experience can serve to make you closer than ever! We decided to have bath-time be daddy time when my son was 4, and that really worked! Slowly but surely, it started spreading from there to other things that he would want daddy to do with him, and that friction is completely gone now! Good luck!
Lexie11 Lexie11 6 years
I think you need to be firm with your children. When your partner is there, make sure they spend time with him. I'm sure your husband does want to be with them, it's just unfortunate that a lot of men have responsibilities outside of the home. You can receive all the advice in the world but I think the most important thing is to talk to your husband about it. He needs to remember it's not a competition and you need to not make him feel bad for not being there because that will create resentment for both of you. Try and find a solution TOGETHER. You may find that working together on this will make your bond stronger.
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