As I was taking my morning pee today, scared to finish because I would have to check to see if my period had arrived, my eyes wandered around the room and finally settled on the trash. And I had a sad realization that my whole month could literally be summed up just by looking in my garbage.
It's day 33 of my cycle, it's my fourth month of TTC since having a miscarriage and about five years since first making the decision that I wanted to be a mom. My breasts are huge and sore, I can say that I'm two days late since my cycle hasn't been more than 31 days in ages (even though I know it doesn't make it true). And somehow after months and months of disappointment I am sitting on this toilet and I still have hope!
Delaying the inevitable wipe, I pick up my trash and pick up my latest negative pregnancy test to investigate. I have to make sure that I read it properly yesterday morning and that somehow I didn't miss that elusive second line. I didn't take a test this morning because I am playing the "if my period isn't here by the time I leave work today, I am buying a digital test because these cheap dollar store tests I have are probably defective" game. That should ensure a positive.
As I'm sitting there I'm thinking over the last month, so beautifully depicted in my garbage, (And yes, I'm gross. I haven't changed the garbage in about a month, what can I say, the can is huge.) here's what I've found.