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Tell Mommy: What's the Real Physical Price of Motherhood?

Tell Mommy: What's the Real Physical Price of Motherhood?

A recent Dr. 90210 episode featured a go-go dancing 36-year-old mother of six trying to get her pre-baby body back through surgery. When Dr. Rey removed a large section of the woman's skin he referred to it as the "price of motherhood," which nearly stopped my heart.

While 59 percent of lilsugar readers say their appearance has changed for the worse since they gave birth, I hardly think of extra skin or marks as the price of motherhood. Sure, they may be a factor, but putting such an emphasis on a woman's post baby body is both unfair and unhealthy in my mind.

To me, the rewards of motherhood (like teaching a human being how to grow and be part of the world and a family) blow any physical price (like lack of sleep or a larger body size) out of the water. What do you think is the real physical price of motherhood?

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OhMyDragonflys OhMyDragonflys 8 years
I didn't take personal offence. Opinions are opinions and should be respected all the same. I want kids sometimes (still not sure) but I am nervous about breast feeding because I like my boobs the way they are. But that's "the price of motherhood" right? I never liked him, he always seemed so...stuck on himself.
hithatsmybike hithatsmybike 8 years
I don't know why so many of you take personal offense to my vanity. Anyone care to explain? My comment wasn't meant to offend. I said nothing about the appearance of others. I simply stated a PERSONAL OPINION relating to no one but MYSELF on the subject. I care nothing for how other people look before or after their pregnancies, so I'm wondering why my looks matter so much to all of you? bayareasarah is clearly very angry about something, and I don't think it's my looks (or lack thereof, as she says).
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Also, the worst part of Dr Rey's statement was that it was said to the patient's daughter. It wasn't him saying to the patient "There's the price of motherhood!" He had taken pictures of the skin he removed and brought them to her 17-year-old daughter.
kris32x kris32x 8 years
ew theres no need to tell someone "there's no reset button" on their children. you're f'ing vile and trust me you aren't that pretty to begin with.
Spiderlove Spiderlove 8 years
Wow... I don't think "vanity" even begins to cover it... lol... for the record, hithatsmybike, not ALL of us lose our bodies and look hideous after we have kids... my icon pic, that's me. This year. At 37. Two kids, both over 8lbs each. I'm not a perfectly toned size 2 as you are, but I certainly don't think I look hideous. You come off as a self-centered vain little girl when you place your physical appearance over the miracle of pregnancy and giving birth. I truly hope you either change your opinions drastically before you have children, or don't have them at all, because mothers like you are definitely a good part of the reason little girls have eating disorders.
bayareasarah bayareasarah 8 years
You said your VANITY was one of the MAIN reasons. I am quoting you. My point being, you are not even beautiful to start with. "It's important for me to be physically beautiful." This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. You're not someone who needs to worry about "staying beautiful", let's be honest here. And even if you were beautiful to begin with, it would definitely fade. Plastic surgery can't fix everything! It sounds cheesy, but it's what's inside that matters. You're obviously super young and still worried about appearance. In the scheme of things, it's very trivial. I'm not bitter at all. I just found your original post to be very vulgar. Please read it again. I'm glad you clarified. Anyway, I am done with this thread and will not be checking again. Good luck to you in school. I mean that sincerely.
gsmommy gsmommy 8 years
He's definitely over the top, super obnoxious! And I will say I have lost teh majority of my baby weight, but it's certainly redistributed.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Well yeah, I think that's a given. However, even with the other "Beverly Hills plastic surgeons" on the show, he's over the top.
gsmommy gsmommy 8 years
Dr. Rey is a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. Of course his comments are somewhat insensitive, he does not have a real grasp on the body of the average mom. His own wife has an enhanced stick figure! She's beautiful, but not your average mommy. I think you have to remember that when listening to his comments. He shows off for the cameras and is only interested in promoting himself. Being a mother to 3 children and wife to a doctor, I can say that my body is not the same. How could it be? Three amazing human beings grew inside it! It's a miraculous experience that changes absolutely every aspect of your life- physically, emotionally and spiritually. The tummy isn't tight anymore even if I did work out, the boobs are certainly not perking (even though I try with a sturdy push up bra) and sure I'm not as comfortable in the same clothes as I once was. But I wouldn't trade it for the world!
hithatsmybike hithatsmybike 8 years
LOL hater. Some of us have different priorities in our 20's. I do NOT want to be a mom before I've had a chance to earn professional degree, establish a career and travel the world. See, this may come as a shock to you, but "maintaining my looks" is NOT the only reason I'm avoiding getting knocked up at this age. I know, you might want to pause and take that one it before you continue you reading. Encouraging someone to get pregnant in their 20's is like telling them to revert back to the days when women were little more than baby-machines that didn't have any real rights (education, career, voting privileges). I'm sorry, but I have more skills that laundry & breast-feeding, and I'd like the chance to put them to work. I'd love to do the mom-thing, but not before I have a go at life outside the home. I'll still be in school at 27. I there's no room for motherhood in my academic course-load, sorry. (not to mention while you're body at 27 may be 95% as good as before, mine will be 100% at 27!) Don't know what in my post set you off. Maybe you're a little bitter you bounced so hurriedly on to the baby-wagon in your mid-20's? There's no reset button. Too bad for you!
bayareasarah bayareasarah 8 years
You know what hithatsmybike? You aren't even beautiful to begin with, so don't worry about losing your looks further. I love reading lilsugar, and never comment, but I found your words appalling. Once you have kids, you learn to value other things in life besides appearance. I hope one day you mature and see that. PS- I'm 27 and have a 15 mo. old, and my body fully bounced back (95%). If you were actually concerned about maintaining your looks, you would have a child while in your 20's (your skin has more elasticity and will bounce back MUCH easier than in your 30's). Also, it's easier to lose the weight while you're young.
milosmommy milosmommy 8 years
I'm right there with ya schnappycat...big rib cage and pear shape and all. But yeah my self-esteem isn't always well either. I still have my small pre-baby clothes in the closest that I still don't fit in a year after my boy was born. I just don't have the time to go run til I puke or work out until I pass out. I have to work and when I get home I have time to take care of him and then do houswork once he gets to bed before my eyes won't stay open anymore. I try not to, but there are times that I feel like a fat slug for not losing my baby weight, but I'm trying. *sigh*
macneil macneil 8 years
After the first, my body went back to exactly the way it had looked before, and the same size, although the skin on my abdomen was much softer. MUCH. But it was the same size, it just didn't feel firm and tight any more, and I'd never worked out before. I've heard it's a lot harder after the second, so, as I'm pregnant now, I'm a bit scared about that. But I didn't do anything - diet or exercise - and my body just found its way back. My best friend told me that would happen. So I think women can worry a bit too much, or hear too many scare stories. I think often, too, if women had killer bodies that they worked for before having a baby, then having a baby could make you care a lot less about working out because you have to and want to spend all your time with them, or are just too tired. So if you did put a lot of work in before, obviously there could be a difference. If you're a lazy old thing like me, less difference. But like I said, I'm worried this time, I've gained more weight, and the skin has been stretched twice.
hithatsmybike hithatsmybike 8 years
I'm a little bit (ok, VERY) vain, so how my body will change with pregnancy is one of the main reasons I won't even consider having children in my 20's. The thought of losing my perfectly toned size 2 frame is sickening to me. My figure is my second favorite thing about myself, and changing it will be hard. I think some women are better built to handle pregnancy than others, and unfortunately I'm not one of them. An extra 30+lbs to carry a baby will leave stretch marks all over the place. I like to think that by my 30's I won't care as much because I'll already be getting wrinkles and think, "hey, what's some more flaws?", but really I know I'll just dive in because my biological clock will be ticking like crazy. I'm going to have all my kids and then run-til-I-puke every day and then get plastic surgery to fix whatever exercise can't. I have no shame about this. It's important for me to be physically beautiful.
schnappycat schnappycat 8 years
I already had a huge ribcage and now it's even bigger. But it doesn't bug me much. It's just always been odd that my ribs are about the same size as my boobs, since I'm smallish chested. I'm used to that, though. Lawchick, I say "yes" to all you asked. I am also more pear shaped and my hips are definitely a bit bigger (though not a ton), which I'm very self-conscious about. I don't have wide shoulders or big boobs to give me a balanced look. And I am having a hard time dealing with the extra weight I'm still carrying, mostly in my thighs. And particularly how jiggly I am. I know I can get close to my pre-pregnancy shape and size if I work out like crazy, but there just isn't the time I once had. So it can definitely be tough if you are already a bit down on your figure. I won't lie. I commend people who are at peace with their new bodies. I really wish I had the self-esteem to not care, but I just can't be that way. It also could be that years ago I lost a bunch of weight and worked really hard to keep it off and was very fit before getting pregnant, so now I feel especially down about it all. It's like starting over to some extent. I've seen how great I can look and now I just feel dumpy. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does to me.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
I thought Dr. Rey's comment was controversial, too. I don't have children, and we don't plan to, but I do find it interesting how women's bodies change as a result of pregnancy. It's kind of intriguing.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
The ribcage expanding is very common - the baby's essentially between your ribs, pushing them apart. It didn't happen with my first two since I carried them very low, but my daughter was basically in my throat. My bra band size went from 32 to 34 after having her.
roxtarchic roxtarchic 8 years
so GLAD to be of help spiderlove! hahah... i also thought i was the only one... (cause i've ASKED friends)... i really only noticed because i pulled out some pre-pregs button down blouses for work. w/all my pants and sweaters fitting me, i couldnt understand why all the button down tops puckered right under my boobs. also my bras are on the last hook... (and no cups runethed over anymore).
Spiderlove Spiderlove 8 years
Roxtarchic- omg... that's funny that you said that about your ribcage... I have the same issue... I was super thin (totally boy-body)before my kids, and although I now like how I have hips, I am fairly small chested and my ribcage looks weird and out of proportion when I wear a bikini or something... it looks huge to me! (It's probably not nearly as noticeable or as bad as I make it out to be, but to me, it looks strange.) I now feel better knowing I'm not the ONLY person on the planet who this happened to!
meandtheo meandtheo 8 years
the real physical toll is not in my hips..it is in my eyes!! i have not had a good nights sleep since the day i got pregnant (my daughter is now 11 months old). She sleeps, but i just do not. i have so many things to do after she goes to bed that i also go to bed later, my body feels it! I got my body back and really don't see a difference in my hips...but i did get me some giant knockers, which i can't wait to get rid of when i stop nursing next month. it took a lot of work (i run everyday and workout at the gym 5 days a week) but I was able to squeeze back into my size 26 jeans by the 6 month mark. it helped me to have a goal...i signed up for a marathon 4 months post baby so i had something to train for.
roxtarchic roxtarchic 8 years
lawchick... i was narrow (built like a boy) before i got pregs, i think everyones body is different so if you have hips to begin w/you might not have that as a noticeable change in your body afterwards. my hips (and my rib cage strangely enough) made way... and to be honest... when you realize what your body can DO... it's hard to have a low self esteem about it afterwards... it's really just amazing, and i think it's hard to feel bad about yourself when your body is capable of something so great.... altho obviously not everyone feels that way... that's just want strikes me.
isabelle315 isabelle315 8 years
Yeah, it makes me mad that something so huge as having a child is boiled down to what negative effects it has on a woman's body. My baby girl is three months old... am I a little bummed that some of my pants don't quite fit? Sure... but let me tell you that's the last thing on my mind when my little girl smiles at me. Having a child might make it a little harder to have the "perfect" figure, but so does getting older or having a taste for sweets. I've had to work pretty hard to get back in shape, and I'm still working on it, but I never think about it as the "price" for having a child.
lawchick lawchick 8 years
man I already have a pear-shaped body and have always been self-conscious about it. that's just going to magnify with pregnancy? I wonder if you already have low self-esteem before you get pregnant if it's harder to cope with the changed body?
roxtarchic roxtarchic 8 years
i like the hips too greggie.... never had them before. altho i'm still working on that last 5 lbs (he's 10 months) it's not easy like it used to be before i had him... it's amazin how your body changes isnt it?
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Also, I actually look better after having kids, because it not only rounded out my hips to balance my bustline, but it motivated me to lose the weight I'd been carrying around for years. Granted, I haven't lost the baby weight from my third yet, but I'm working on it.
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