9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Nanny

Published on 4/29/2016 at 1:40 PM

Hiring a nanny that you trust to care for and love your children can be difficult, but once you have one, there are a few ways to make sure you keep her. Most people who take child care jobs aren't just in it for the money — they love kids, and that's the most important part — but that doesn't mean that things like being paid on time or being treated like a housekeeper just because their "office" is your home are going to fly with your beloved nanny.

If you have a nanny, are looking for one, or can't seem to keep one, read through these nine things that you should never say to your nanny to make sure that your nanny's patience isn't tested by you on the regular (your kids will have enough of a hand in that).

“After that, you can do whatever activity you want with him.”

Although that seems like a win, it's a lose-lose situation in disguise. If your nanny does whatever she wants with your child — color, watch an episode of their favorite show, take a walk — chances are she'll then be asked what they did later and get the "Oh, well you could have/should have done this" follow-up. It's important to trust your nanny to do fun and educational things with your child, but if you have opinions about what types of things they should do together and when, you need to be clear. Most people work better with clear expectations.

“Why didn’t he eat this?”

If you can't be with your child all day every day, having a nanny be one-on-one with them is awesome — you get direct feedback and full reports on your child's day from someone you trust. However, contrary to popular belief, nannies aren't miracle workers, nor can they control every situation presented to them. If your child isn't eating or had a potty accident or tripped and skinned their knee, asking your nanny why something happened and expecting her to be all-knowing isn't going to solve any problems.

“Can you make sure the dishes are done?”

Nannies are there for your child; that's their job. To have them clean the playroom or change the sheets on your kiddo's bed every week is one thing, but to ask them to perform other chores around the house without talking to them about it first is pretty rude. Just because their "office" is your house doesn't mean that their job title is "housekeeper." Have a conversation to see what kind of tasks, if any, your nanny is comfortable doing around the house, but also make sure you consider the ones she agrees to when paying her.

“Put him down to nap when he’s tired.”

Giving specific instructions for certain things is important, especially when it comes to meals and naptime. If your nanny doesn't think your child is sleepy by 3 p.m. but that's when you normally put them down, they might stay up way later that night and be thrown off their whole routine. Just give a clear schedule so that naptimes and mealtimes coincide with how you want to do things once you get home from work and on the weekends.

“I didn’t get to the bank; I’ll pay you double next week.”

Although a nanny doesn't think, "I'm going to nanny for the paycheck," that doesn't mean they don't treat this the way any other person would treat any other job. If you have a pay schedule with your nanny, stick to it — you wouldn't want your boss forgetting to pay you after a long week, so don't let that happen with your nanny.

"How did this happen?"

Let's be realistic — kids will be kids no matter who is watching them. So yes, a nanny's job is to care for your child and make sure they are well taken care of, but if your child should trip over something and bump her head, asking how they could have let it happen is grounds for a pretty unwarranted guilt trip. If your nanny could save your child from themselves in every situation, you have to trust that they totally would — it's just not feasible.

“Why didn’t you put him in timeout?”

Disciplining another person's child is tricky, but when a nanny spends all day with your child, bad behavior is bound to present itself eventually. It's important when your nanny starts with you that you go over timeouts and other punishments so that you can both keep consistent with each other. If one of you is more lenient than the other, there will end up being a good cop and a bad cop, and that will send confusing signals to your little one about what is expected from them.

“Sorry I’m late; I had to run an errand after work.”

Sure, you could get stuck in traffic after work, or maybe you really want to get to the store alone to pick something up before you get home rather than the packing the kids into the car to run into the shop — but you have to let your nanny know. Nannies have lives just like every other person, so they shouldn't have to drop their personal lives to stick around for an extra hour just because it's convenient for you. If they expect you at a similar time every day and something comes up, let them know. If you're choosing to run an errand or stop somewhere, run it by them to make sure they can stay for an extra little while. And if you're constantly late, talk about extending their day a bit (which also means a pay increase).

“I told my friend she could bring her daughter over for a play date.”

This poses two issues. First, you're assuming that your nanny is OK with having another little one running around the house — it's extra work and it may not be something that your nanny is comfortable with, especially if it's a drop-off play date. Secondly, setting up a play date comes from the right place, but it might be better for your nanny if they are introduced to your child's friends' parents first so that they are given an opportunity to feel comfortable with the person, especially if the parent is actually one of your friends.