Remember all those people who told you things would change in your relationship, and especially with your sex life, when the kids came along? You and your partner looked at each other and said "Pfffft! That won't happen to us!" And then, six months after you welcomed the little bundle of joy, you realized they were right. The last "action" your bedroom has seen was a diaper change.
My husband and I both work full time outside the home. We're committed to being involved in our daughter's life and to providing a family environment that includes homemade dinners together every night and active endeavours every weekend. It's for her benefit, but it's exhausting. Luckily, he's a great partner. We've been able to keep the love alive even though the fires are more like flickering embers right now. Here are the top three things we do to make that work for us:
- Talk. At length. Openly and bluntly. If it's not your style, you don't have come right out and ask "So, are you satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking?" but you really should make sure you're acknowledging your mutual needs, even if you're too tired to act on them. Make sure your partner knows you love them, and vice versa. When all else fails, remember your sense of humor can be your very best friend, aside from your partner, of course.
- Accept that you are NEVER going to find time, you're going to have to make it. Sitters are expensive, and so are dinners out. Not to mention the logistical challenges of getting out of the house when there are little people involved. How about a date night at home? Buy a nice bottle of wine and dinner of your choosing, feed the kid(s) a little early and get bedtime done with. Then, set aside a couple of hours to just be your pre-kid selves again.
- Get creative. You don't have to seal the deal to reignite the intimacy. Remember high school? Making out, groping, caressing. Clothes on, but undone. Remember how exciting that was? It's just as much fun as adults. Give it a try.
It is my firm belief that couples run into trouble when they forget they're in this mess together, and that you can be stronger together than the sum of the parts. Your kids will only be little for a relatively short time. If you can keep the lines of communication open, accept that things have changed but it's okay, it doesn't have to be a wedge. You can be just fine.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.