There are some things a single mother thinks but most certainly won't say! Unless, of course, we are running on pure fumes (happens often), wine (nighttime exists for a reason and bedtime too!), or totally off our rails (happens to the best of us). Here are a few things a single mom might be pondering but she won't say.
Yes, Your Husband Being Away is EXACTLY Like Being a Single Parent
We have compassion for all parents and any and all mothering scenarios, but when you tell us your husband being away is like being a single parent, we ask you with our tongue in cheeks:
Is your bank account like a single parent's?
Do you file single or head of household on your taxes?
Are you also online trying to find love with some of the biggest horror shows known to mankind?
Do you have the backup of your partner when he is back in town? If an emergency erupts, does he come back from his work trip?
If the answers are no, then no, you are not a single parent. But we are happy to adopt your husband for when he's out of town and borrow his income from time to time.
Because the reality is, no one is coming home to relieve us of our stress. Sure, the cabana boy or 21-year-old guy on OKCupid or Tinder might be interested in cutting the lawn, but we never take offers like that. Unless, of course, he's right out of Magic Mike.
The reality is, we feel your pain when the husband is gone and we know motherhood is hard work but the fact is the two scenarios are so very different so please shh!
It Must Be SOOOO Hard
When people hear you're a single mom, they instantly say, "Wow, I am sorry. That must be so hard."
And yes, single motherhood is hard but so are many things.
So is rocket science. Brain surgery. Watching an episode of My Little Pony without wanting death to the TV. Being a mother.
Don't feel bad for us. Instead, just be a support and friend. Thanks.
I Am Not Interested in Your Husband
I have had a few insecure women think my single motherhood status meant I was going on Craigslist looking for a man just like their husband even though we were always just completely friends.
No, ladies, I don't want your husband. If I am being honest, an extra wife would be more helpful, so if you wouldn't mind, please come over with some cleaning supplies and dinner. We could use the helping hands.
Where Is Everybody?
Some days, we almost forget we run the show and so we stand around and think, "Where the heck is everybody?" until we realize that we are the "everybody" in question.
That's when we open the bottle of wine and thank ourselves for being so hardworking, resourceful, amazing, and divine.
One Ticket to Paradise, Please
When we are tired and wishing that the damn help would arrive already and realize that the damn help is never arriving, we imagine ourselves in paradise. Sometimes we do this while our married mom friends are discussing their grand family vacations. Sorry. It's not that we don't care, are bad listeners, or are bad friends, but that we would rather imagine ourselves on our own vacation.
And for those of you single mamas enjoying that paradise vacation, I salute you!
I Am Doing a Damn Good Job
Even though we have mommy guilt like any other mother and worry that on our own, we aren't providing enough a lot of the times, we sit back and say:
I am doing a damn good job.
Don't Judge Me
We know people jump to conclusions when they hear we are single mothers and we want to yell: don't judge me first!
Don't assume I am broke, the dad is a deadbeat, or I hate my life.
Don't assume I am a train wreck or unstable because I am not coupled.
Don't assume anything about our single-mother lives. Learn who we are as people and parents.
Ouch: They're Headed For Divorce
Whether the dad left us, there was a divorce, there was no marriage but a breakup, or what have you, single moms have this uncanny ability to watch a couple and sort of know: "Oh man, they're headed for splitsville."
We don't like this knack, but when we see stuff go down between partners, we know silently that it is going to end.
When we don't have to ask for help and a friend or family member extends themselves, we are so grateful. We may say it simply, but the gratitude runs much deeper than we will ever say.
When our "loved ones" don't support us or back us up, on the flip side, we feel sad inside but will never say it. We may never reach our hand up to say "We need help," but when a family or friend sees we blatantly need it and doesn't offer or we go outside of our comfort zone to ask and are cruelly refused, we are hurting inside.
Secretly Like Being the Boss
As much as we want love and someone else to pitch in, we also enjoy calling the shots because we know we are doing the best for our children and it feels good to do so in a healthy atmosphere!