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Ask Savvy: My Best Friend Won't Stop Talking About Her Job

Ask Savvy: My Best Friend Won't Stop Talking About Her Job

Dear Savvy,

I've been unemployed for a couple months and am trying to stay positive, but I find it difficult when my best friend constantly talks about how busy she is at work. It's the first thing out of her mouth every time we talk, and it seems like her job is all she wants to talk about. I'm typically very supportive of her career, but she's bringing up her job more than ever at a time when I'm working my butt off trying to find a job that will pay the bills. Any advice for how I can give her the hint to pipe it down, without offending her?

Savvy says: There are so many people without jobs right now that I doubt you're alone in this situation. It can be hard enough to turn down invitations when your employed friends want to go out and you can't spend the money, and you don't want to be reminded of your misfortune whenever you want to chat with your best friend. See my advice when you

.

Firstly, step back and ask yourself if your friend is really talking about her job more than usual, or if you're just noticing it more because it hits a sore spot. It's important for your friendship to acknowledge if she's really just being her same old self, because that should help reduce your bitterness toward what seems like a relentless reminder of your unemployment.

Regardless of whether she's focusing more on work conversations than usual, the fact remains that you're unhappy when the two of you talk. It sounds like she's better at talking than listening, so take a note from your friend and volunteer some details about the way your job search is going and how hard you're working trying to find a job. Your honesty should remind her to be a little more sensitive toward you.

Bottom line, this girl is your best friend and you should be able to speak up if you feel like she could be more sensitive about your situation. Tell her you still want to be the first person she calls when something good (or frustrating) happens at the office, but for now it would help your state of mind if she didn't go through a play-by-play of what happened at the office.

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foxymardy foxymardy 6 years
I agree with HaterTot and TidalWave. I don't think my friend is being insensitive if she rants on about her job and I'm struggling to look for one. Just like I won't be annoyed if she talks about her boyfriend when I'm still single and looking for one. I'd love to hear about the man who's making her happy, just like she likes to hear me rant about my job while she talks about her job seeking results. What are friends are for if you can't rant to your best friend? You really should stop being so bitter and try to be there for your friend. I'm actually a friend who got a good job while my best friend is still stuck looking for a proper job. She always asks me about my job and I don't feel like I have to be careful with her whenever I talk about my job. She's happy for me, and she's not bitter. The problem isn't your best friend, its you.
HaterTot HaterTot 6 years
@mkls you sound as immature and emotionally fragile as the poster. So when my mom died, my friends were supposed to tiptoe around the fact that theirs didn't? I also happen to not be working right now, and if my friends stopped talking about their jobs, I'd wonder what the hell was going on. People's lives go on, no matter what you personally are experiencing at the time. The poster (and apparently mkls...) sound very self-involved and self-centered and their expectations that their friends should dance around everyday subject matter b/c of their current crisis of the week (which, if they're this damn sensitive, they're probably always in the midst of). Your friends should never have to walk on egg shells - that's what being a friend means.
HaterTot HaterTot 6 years
@mkls you sound as immature and emotionally fragile as the poster. So when my mom died, my friends were supposed to tiptoe around the fact that theirs didn't? I also happen to not be working right now, and if my friends stopped talking about their jobs, I'd wonder what the hell was going on. People's lives go on, no matter what you personally are experiencing at the time. The poster (and apparently mkls...) sound very self-involved and self-centered and their expectations that their friends should dance around everyday subject matter b/c of their current crisis of the week (which, if they're this damn sensitive, they're probably always in the midst of). Your friends should never have to walk on egg shells - that's what being a friend means.
mkls6044 mkls6044 6 years
I COMPLETELY disagree with the previous negative posters. If someone's parent had just died, would you bring up how excited you are to see yours that weekend? Or if she had just been cheated on, would you tell her how awesome your bf is? I think being friends, especially close friends, brings with it a bit of sensitivity. If my friend didnt have a job I would certainly not complain about mine all the time- especially in this economy! Yes, I would tell a story if something notable happened, but it doesnt sound like that is the case. I think it is reasonable to say something like- "I'm glad you job is going well (or sucks, or you're so busy...whatever the theme is that day) but it is hard for me to hear so often when I'm trying so hard to find a job myself." Then I would change the subject and hopefully get the point across. No offense Hater and Tidal, but I'm glad I have best friends who are more sensitive than your posts appear!
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
I totally agree with HaterTot. I was thinking that too, that the OP sounds very sensitive! Considering I spend 9+ hours at work all day, yes, I am going to talk about it. If something stressful is happening at work, I might feel stressed out when I get home. OP: It sounds like you aren't a very supportive friend and you are letting our jealousies get the best of you. Does she ever complain when you talk about how stressful job hunting is? Or how you've spent all day tweaking your resume?
HaterTot HaterTot 6 years
This person sounds like she's being unreasonable. MOST people have jobs and they're a huge part of people's lives, so it's obvious that her best friend is going to want to talk about hers. That shouldn't have to change just b/c her friend is unemployed. Frankly, this person just sounds bitter b/c her friend has a job that is a big part of her life and I disagree that the friend w/ a job should have to be sensitive to the unemployed friend's situation. That's so completely ridiculous. She shouldn't have to tip toe around her unemployed friend. Sounds like the unemployed friend needs to figure out how to be a little less bitter and a little less sensitive.
HaterTot HaterTot 6 years
This person sounds like she's being unreasonable. MOST people have jobs and they're a huge part of people's lives, so it's obvious that her best friend is going to want to talk about hers. That shouldn't have to change just b/c her friend is unemployed. Frankly, this person just sounds bitter b/c her friend has a job that is a big part of her life and I disagree that the friend w/ a job should have to be sensitive to the unemployed friend's situation. That's so completely ridiculous. She shouldn't have to tip toe around her unemployed friend.Sounds like the unemployed friend needs to figure out how to be a little less bitter and a little less sensitive.
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