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What Would You Do If an Ex-CoWorker Followed You to a New Job?

What Would You Do? Creepy Ex-CoWorker Follows You to New Job

Imagine this: you've just started a new job and are psyched to leave the place you've worked for the past few years. You've been enjoying your first month at your job and are generally happy there, until you learn that an ex-coworker who used to be obsessed with you will be starting at your new company in a couple weeks. The obsession is no secret, and friends of the ex-coworker have kept him in the loop about your whereabouts. The person has tried to contact you a number of times and never got any type of response.

The ex-coworker knew that you had gotten a new job at this fast growing company in desperate need of qualified personnel, and after discovering you were making the move submitted his own resume in hopes of working alongside the object of his affection. This is a true story — just change the "he" to a she because it happened to a guy and the obsessed ex-coworker is a girl — so to find out how he handled this

.

Upon first hearing the news, his immediate reaction was that he wanted to get a new job and not deal with things, but after thinking it through he approached his boss the following morning and told her everything. He's uncomfortable around the girl and doesn't want to deal with her creepy obsession every single day. In order to protect himself, he thought it was best to let his boss know his sentiments and fill her in on a situation that could cause potential legal complications.

She was appreciative and understood the seriousness of the situation immediately, and told him that he would never be put in a position to work with her one on one. Do you think he handled this well? Would you have done anything differently if a guy who was scarily obsessed with you followed you to a new job?

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Betty7 Betty7 8 years
I agree with the comment above that people throw around the term "crazy & stalker" way too easily - especially men! If it's to the point where you need police, then it's true.
Betty7 Betty7 8 years
I had a guy get a job at the place where I worked 'cause he was interested in me. He actually told me this after we ended up dating for a few months. He was obsessive! I had to break it off with him. He would threaten suicide when I wouldn't answer his calls. He would sit on the roof of the building across from me and watch me while I slept (I used to fall asleep w/the light on.) He started getting physical with me and I ended it permanently. Two years later this woman shows up at my house. She was his current girlfriend and he started hitting her. If she said anything along the lines of something I would say he would get really mad! I guess he talked about me all the time too so she needed to meet me. Wierd.
Betty7 Betty7 8 years
I had a guy get a job at the place where I worked 'cause he was interested in me. He actually told me this after we ended up dating for a few months. He was obsessive! I had to break it off with him. He would threaten suicide when I wouldn't answer his calls. He would sit on the roof of the building across from me and watch me while I slept (I used to fall asleep w/the light on.) He started getting physical with me and I ended it permanently.Two years later this woman shows up at my house. She was his current girlfriend and he started hitting her. If she said anything along the lines of something I would say he would get really mad! I guess he talked about me all the time too so she needed to meet me.Wierd.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
He handled it perfectly. This is stuff is junior high when you're an adult you can't be obsessive and stalker-ish like this.
precious_pets4 precious_pets4 8 years
Thanks, Snowbunny! You saved me having to type all of that! Well said!
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 8 years
I'm just going to play devil's advocate...I definitely sympathize with the crappiness of the situation, but I have heard the expression "he/she's so obsessed with me" way too much. I have a friend who is convinced that every guy who friends her on facebook is a stalker who wants to marry her! It's possible she could be viewing this as a harmless crush, and think she is really romantic for following you. The fact that "this person has tried to contact you several times and not gotten any response," is scary, but it is possible she had NO idea just how unwanted her affection was. There is no evidence of threatening behavior here, and you actually don't even know for sure if she didn't just hear you were applying there and that there were a ton of openings and thought, "hmm that's a good fit for me too!" without really thinking about stalking you! I just think that instead of going directly to the boss, I would have, ya know, answered the phone one of the times she called and said, "I'm flattered that you are giving me so much attention, but I am not interested and I never will be, do not contact me outside of work." I mean, going directly to a new boss and dragging someone's name through the mud, without having the decency to tell the person to back off yourself is not professional. Sure, if you tell her not to contact you outside of work, and she still does, and her "obsession" with you is interfering with your work THEN go to the boss. I just don't think the first step in what was originally a personal problem is to deal with it at work.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 8 years
I'm just going to play devil's advocate...I definitely sympathize with the crappiness of the situation, but I have heard the expression "he/she's so obsessed with me" way too much. I have a friend who is convinced that every guy who friends her on facebook is a stalker who wants to marry her!It's possible she could be viewing this as a harmless crush, and think she is really romantic for following you. The fact that "this person has tried to contact you several times and not gotten any response," is scary, but it is possible she had NO idea just how unwanted her affection was. There is no evidence of threatening behavior here, and you actually don't even know for sure if she didn't just hear you were applying there and that there were a ton of openings and thought, "hmm that's a good fit for me too!" without really thinking about stalking you! I just think that instead of going directly to the boss, I would have, ya know, answered the phone one of the times she called and said, "I'm flattered that you are giving me so much attention, but I am not interested and I never will be, do not contact me outside of work." I mean, going directly to a new boss and dragging someone's name through the mud, without having the decency to tell the person to back off yourself is not professional. Sure, if you tell her not to contact you outside of work, and she still does, and her "obsession" with you is interfering with your work THEN go to the boss. I just don't think the first step in what was originally a personal problem is to deal with it at work.
shanimalcracker shanimalcracker 8 years
Good job to him for being calm and civil about it!
Schaianne Schaianne 8 years
He did the right thing ... but it's still going to be awkward and uncomfortable. I personally think I'd have to start job searching again. Sad, isn't it?
SkinnyMarie SkinnyMarie 8 years
omg Bella!
SkinnyMarie SkinnyMarie 8 years
omg Bella!
drinkerofh2o drinkerofh2o 8 years
It could still be really awkward for the guy. Office parties, lunch breaks, before and after work. She could hear through the grapevine about his vacations, illnesses, social life. The manager's solution would work if the problem was a clash of personalities, but not when the woman has shown she will wedge herself into his life by any means. I don't think the "solution" is at all appropriate, and I think the guy will be looking for another job once he finds the current situation intolerable.
bellaressa bellaressa 8 years
Bella, that is a scary situation. Did your BFF bf quit - I hope not. I think the guy in he above story did the right thing. I think I may look into a restraining order.
freegracefrom freegracefrom 8 years
Something similar almost happened to me. The summer after I graduated high school, this guy that was kinda obsessed with me found out where I was working and applied there. I wasn't afraid of him, but it would've been insanely awkward. Luckily, I didn't have to think about what I was going to do next because we just weren't hiring. I guess the person above handled the situation well, but I'm not sure about the solution... just because she won't work one-on-one with him doesn't mean that she can't still do any damage!
Beauty Beauty 8 years
My BFF's boyfriend got a new job at a small ad agency after searching for months and months. He was really happy until one day, his EX-WIFE interviewed for a job there... and got it. What a psycho.
Renees3 Renees3 8 years
That's such a sucky situation! They all handled it well. Because the boss is in the know, they will be more able to handle it if it escalates. Creepo!
bigestivediscuit bigestivediscuit 8 years
Yup, this happened to me and the girl actually used my name in her cover letter AND interview, thinking it would improve her chances of getting the job! Well, my boss called me into her office after the interview and asked me to speak candidly about this applicant and although I declined to comment at first, when pressed, I gave a fairly diplomatic answer but was honest about this girl's crazy antics. Needless to say, she didn't get hired. I think the person in the above story handled the situation correctly.
karisaamy karisaamy 8 years
I think he handled that well
SkinnyMarie SkinnyMarie 8 years
I would call the popo and get a restraining order. Ive had creepy ex's stalk me, and they tend to leave you alone when you get the police involved. I would also be kind of put back that they would never "have to work one on one". They can still have interaction despite not having to work together.
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