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Keep a Child Alive 6th Annual Black Ball

kty — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:29:11 -0700

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Halle Berry at the 6th Annual Keep a Child Alive Black Ball

kty — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:44:48 -0700

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The 10 ten most uncomfortable or WTF garments worn by female video game characters

Monique Marie — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:01:27 -0800

Crazy things happen all the time in video games. People get shot, die, then come back to life. Plumbers traverse magical pipes and fight grumpy mushrooms. Monkeys voluntarily enter giant plastic balls and roll around collecting bananas. But perhaps the craziest thing going down in games these days is fashion -- specifically women's fashion. It's hard enough to find a decent female video game character. When you do find them, they're often sporting skin-tight jumpsuits and enough cleavage to smoother a small child. Strip those digital ladies down to their undies and the situation gets even worse.

10. Princess Peach's Frilly Pink Panties

You'd think a lady as used to getting kidnapped as Mario's Princess Peach would've learned to wear some more practical underwear. Instead, in keeping with her sugar sweet character (Who dressed you, honey, Mattel?) she's got white laceys with pink frilly trim. At least she's not going commando, because this demure little royal with the big '80s hair likes to kick high in Smash Bros. Brawl, the newest game in the series that pits Nintendo characters of both sexes against one another in adorably brutal battle. What's even better: you can pause Peach in mid-kick to get a better look.
9. Something-Died-Here Second Life Lingerie

Second Life is a massively multi-player online game -- and most days that translates to an Internet place with lots of people with sexy avatars roaming around in various states of undress. There's also a booming fashion business in Second Life, since users can create their own clothing and sell it to other people in the game. While little of that clothing covers more than 50 percent of a character's skin at any given time, some articles of intimacy border of the absurd. Take this lingerie ensemble, for example, on which it appears both a peacock and a mink have died. So tragic, yet so sexy.
8. The string bikinis of Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball

Technically they're not underwear, but the bathing suits worn by the women in Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball -- the game that basically invented what's called in the industry "realistic breast physics," but which boils down to bounciness -- might as well be made from dental floss and sticky notes. Can you imagine wearing that while diving for balls, or what about when jumping for spikes? Let's be honest: in the real world, there would be renegade breasts flying every which way. Though, granted, that may just put the "extreme" in this game about "extreme beach volleyball."
7. The no-bra bra

Number seven comes from a game called Otomedius, which so far has only been released in Japan but is coming soon to the States. In it, players power up busty on-screen maidens by rubbing their breasts. Yes, rubbing their breasts. So maybe it should come as no surprise that the game's well-endowed protagonist shows her face out of the house wearing what appears to be little more than two flaps of unsupported cloth mysteriously clinging to her perky but otherwise bare chest. Not only is this undergarment ridiculous, it -- like many on our list -- defies all rules of logic and science. Sorry, sister, but that just ain't gonna fly.
6. A push-up so effective it raises the dead

The nurses in survival horror game Silent Hill have always been awesomely creepy. From the neck down they're hot, if a little veiny and decaying. From the neck up though, they're faceless zombie monsters with old bandages instead of features. Sexy, right? They've also got a good deal of cleavage for video game monsters. Look closely enough, and you might even start to suspect these ladies were sporting push-up bras before they died -- and then awoke to eat your brains. How else could the undead get so much lift? Heck, if push-up bras keep you supple into the afterlife, that's a good enough advertisement for me.
5. Lara Croft goes commando

Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft is one of the most popular female video game characters of all times -- not just because she, like Indiana Jones, is a badass archeologist who can fit through small spaces -- but because her chest is so large you wonder if it doesn't hold special, hidden hand grenades. Her other signature fashion choice: those ass-tight little khaki shorts, which are practically underwear themselves. And they might as well be, because frankly, do you see a panty line on those things? Even a thong would leave some ripple on that curvy cut of fabric. It's time to face facts. Lara Croft has no undies. That's her real secret weapon.4. Gravity defying tube tops

Tube tops are a b*tch. You can't wear them with bras with straps, otherwise you're that girl. As for strapless bras, anyone with a C cup or higher knows they're pretty much a cruel joke. No, tube top wearers are resigned to flapping in the wind -- that is, until now. Thanks to the new virtual world Age of Conan, strapless bras can apparently defy gravity. Even female characters with chests of porn-star proportions can get away with skimpy, strapless tops that also appear to give support. Some don't even reach all the way around a character’s back. Leverage? Realism? Bah humbug!
3. A strip of velvet passing for armor

If anyone could nurse an entire developing nation with her ridiculously proportioned upper half, it's Ivy from the fighting game Soul Calibur. She’s pretty badass in a fight: she has a whip and chain for starters. But as each new game in the Soul Calibur series comes out, her outfits get more and more ridiculous. Nowadays, while parts of her are armored -- like her shoulders and fists -- other parts are completely exposed. Her chest, for example, is protected by a single strip of velvet -- which will, no doubt, ward off all potential blows. She's also infamous for wearing a thong into battle. Maybe showing off her curves is a way of distracting her opponents, but that girl must be cold. No one will think less of you if you wear some pants. Promise!
2. Undies for outer space adventure

As video game characters go, Samus Aran, the star of the Metroid games, is pretty admirable. She shoots big guns, she can curl into a perfectly spherical ball, and she does it all from within a giant suit that protects her body and makes her un-ogle-able. When playing the earliest Metroid game, gamers didn't even know she was a woman. That is, until she took off her suit at the end of her mission fighting aliens in outer space. And what was she wearing underneath? Why, a matching bra and panty set, of course. Wouldn't you think, if you were going off to save entire races of life, that you'd at least wear a sports bra?
1. A metal thong. Yup, that’s right.

It's hard to imagine an undergarment more uncomfortable than a metal thong. Somewhere between a chastity belt and a piece of BDSM gear, the outfit worn by The Empress of Time Shahdee in The Prince of Persia looks like it would be great for your posture and horrible for just about everything else. With a number of steel ribbons that disappear into the nether regions of the character's voluptuous behind, an equally uncomfortable steel bra that wraps around to grab her breasts and hold them in place, and some sharp shoulder spikes, this is certainly the most ridiculous undergarment of them all. At least she could injure enemies by sliding up real close then stabbing them with her undies. And in the end, isn't that what we all really want out of underwear?

Rob's " I'm a bore " interview

athena4rob — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:51:37 -0800

…Says the Sexiest Man Alive, Robert Pattinson, even as he discloses how he loves all the attention, and why he did a bare all in Twilight.
How did you prepare for your role? Getting in to character was the first thing I needed to do and for that Physical fitness was the priority and my only concern. I remember, before Twilight, I never worried much about exercising my abs out, but for being Edward, I did every freaking thing possible. Regularly for 2–3 months, I ran for two hours daily and had a three-hour long session of kickboxing followed by hitting the gym for some weight training and abdomen crunches. In addition, I was on a stringent diet regime too. I was just trying to lose every ounce of body fat, so when I took off my shirt, I would look like an alien.

Are you enjoying all the attention that you are getting? Before Twilight people use to complain about a lot of things in me like my chest hair and I must say post Twilight it’s about me wearing same clothes. I got more compliments over complaints though, when I heard people say, ‘He wears same clothes, wow that’s so cool and real.’ Actually, I don’t mind wearing what I have worn before; after all they are all my clothes I am wearing. It has got nothing to do with keeping the paparazzi away. I do not desperately repeat the clothes. It is just by chance and sometimes in shortage of time, in fact a couple of times while promotion. I guess people like me as I am. And yeah, I am enjoying all the attention I am getting, ’coz it was my choice to be an actor first. So whatever the results, I have to accept.
How do titles like – sexiest man alive, make you feel? Who won’t like being called the sexiest person? Well, actually I don’t know whether I am sexy or not. How could I comment about myself? Ask others I guess. I am ok with such tags as far as there is no stereotyping. But yes, I would like to rename the title to The Sexiest Actor instead of just Man. After all I am an actor first.
Your favourite stars – male and female? Whose position do you envy? Who would you like to be? Jack Nicholson in male, I always wanted to be like him since my childhood. I used to try and be like him in whatever I did. I copied his accent, dressed like him. I do not envy him but yes he was my source of aspiration I must say. Among favourite actresses, actually there are many but yes, Kristen Stewart has impressed me and the whole world, with her acting skills at such an early age.
You have flaunted your bare body a lot in the Twilight… That was ’coz the character demanded it. In my opinion, it is the USP of Edward Cullen.
You have been linked up with a lot of women. Who’s your girlfriend? I do not have any girlfriend and neither do I want one, considering the environment I am in now. I am only reading books and watching films always. I am quite a bore kinda person you know. If I’d have a girlfriend, why would I shy away from the media glare and letting my fans know?
Have you watched any Bollywood movies? Do you know any people from Bollywood? No, I haven’t seen any Indian film yet. Though I have seen a couple of Hollywood films having an Indian touch and that’s where I see Indian actors and they are great-great performers. Names are hard to recall you know. Then this year’s Oscar showed us glimpses of Indian actors and India in Hollywood while Slumdog swept all the awards, so I guess it is needless saying how far the Indian cinema has come.
Have you been approached by any Bollywood movie makers for a film, except by Mira Nair for Vanity Fair? Not yet, but I won’t mind working abroad if it is a good project and has some potential for me to perform as an actor instead of adding just a name. There is no reason though for this choiceBut at this time, I am too busy with my current commitments. And once these projects are over, I must look for a short break for making some music may be.
Any plans of visiting India? What do you know about this country?Yes, I know in bits about India. Also the ongoing Indian and Hollywood associations have a lot to keep an eye on. Our actors are moving East and so is the Indian film industry moving here. Well it’s really good to have an exchange of cultures through the world’s strongest medium of communication, Films, which influences heterogeneous masses. Yes, I’d love to be there in near future, and why not? It is such a nice place. I went to Japan for promotion of our film, I wish I could have come to India too then. Apart from films, I know there is some real cool music in different genres and food that stirs the taste buds in India.

Naturally Natalie (Marie Claire Interview)

kty — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:14:16 -0800

By Gaby Wood
Newly single and working like mad, Natalie Portman opens up about surviving child stardom, escaping the "muse" trap, and emerging unscathed from her first tabloid scandal.Amid the bustling weekend brunch crowd at Bubby's in lower Manhattan, Natalie Portman is having a nostalgic moment. "I came here after my high school prom," she smiles. It's probably safe to say that none of the other kids from Long Island's Syosset High School came to Bubby's that night in a "little Armani strapless thing" they had recently worn to a Star Wars: Episode I premiere. "I've always been the lucky one with the Cinderella-ness of getting to borrow something awesome," she acknowledges. "Of course, I gave it back afterward." The day we meet, Portman is wearing skinny black jeans and a North Face Windbreaker. She has no makeup on except black mascara, and her hair is pulled back into a knot, with a black cotton headband framing her small, pale face. She orders oatmeal-no milk. Portman has been a vegetarian since she was 9, but her veganhood comes and goes. Right now, she's dairy-free because she's just read her friend Jonathan Safran Foer's new book, Eating Animals, and has been inspired to be especially careful about sourcing her food. When she was shooting her latest movie, Brothers, a Jim Sheridan-directed drama about the effects of the war in Afghanistan on an American soldier's family, she ate vegan because her costar Tobey Maguire brought his own vegan chef to the set. "I was like, 'Um, could you make two of those?'" She grins. "And I'd make a cute face, and they'd roll their eyes and give me another falafel."If the Star Wars prom dress seems a startling reminder of how long the 28-year-old actress has been in the business (she first played the young Queen Padmé Amidala, Princess Leia's mother, in 1999), let's be clear: She's been in it much, much longer than that. When shooting began on The Professional, her rivetingly sleek first movie, she was 11. One of the effects of having started so young is that on-screen, she has either been an adultlike child or, because of her petite physique, a childlike adult. It's a double edge that has to be played to wisely: Portman turned down an offer to play Lolita but took on a character described as "the little neighborhood Lolita" in Ted Demme's Beautiful Girls; in V for Vendetta, her apparent frailty was offset by her stunning shaved head. She has, on the whole, been fearless about how she looks, and comes across as both feisty and thoughtful. A little-known fact about Portman is that for her very first acting job-as an off-Broadway understudy-she replaced Britney Spears. Needless to say, their paths have diverged wildly since then-though Portman did, exceptionally, make the tabloids last year for a rumored make-out session with Sean Penn behind a curtain at a Los Angeles hotel. When I raise the subject, she manages to look both amused and mortified. "He's obviously someone I'm friends with," she says. "I mean, not 'hey, wassup?' friends, but we were all on the [Cannes 2008] jury together-Alfonso [Cuarón] and Marjane [Satrapi]-and we had a really great time, and then...It was one of those things where you're like, 'Oh, my God! I'm that person who's caught in this sh*tty rumor brigade.' You can't win. You don't say anything and everyone's like, 'It's true.' You say something, and you're keeping the story alive. It's bad, bad news."For the most part, Portman keeps her personal life very private. Until recently, she was with the musician Devendra Banhart, but now proclaims herself to be single. She doesn't spend her time with a posse of celebs; her closest circle of friends is still mostly made up of people from high school and college, plus a small core of women in L.A. One of these, Rashida Jones, says Portman "would fight beasts 10 times her size to protect the people she loves. She is the kind of friend who can sub in and love you through the times when you can't necessarily love yourself."Portman's remarkable steadiness is by all accounts due in large part to her attentive parents, an Israeli fertility doctor (dad) and an American artist (mom), who have no other children. Mike Nichols, who directed her in Closer and in the 2001 Broadway production of The Seagull, says that as a result, Portman "has a very solid, generous center, even though for a little while she was at sea in a world of narcissists."Portman says she was "definitely working at a young age, but there's a whole growth in that." She got to spend three months in France when she was 11, shooting The Professional, and on her days off her mother would take her to Monet's house in Giverny and encourage her to come home and paint a version of what she'd seen. When she traveled to Japan for the premiere of The Professional, her parents insisted on a week off to explore the country. Portman shrugs: "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties," she says, "and yeah, I didn't touch pot till I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college. But I think that's a good thing in many ways.''

African churches denounce children as ‘witches’

starangel82 — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:31:16 -0700

Warning, this is a very long article, but I felt like I had to share it. I had no idea nor had ever heard of this problem. I don't think I have words...

Accused child witches Jane, left, and Mary, right, stand with other children accused of witchcraft at the Children's Rights and Rehabilitation Network in Eket, Nigeria, on Aug. 18, 2009. Jane's mother tried to saw off the top of her skull after a pastor denounced her and Mary, 15, is just beginning to think about boys and how they will look at the scar tissue on her face caused when her mother doused her in caustic soda.

EKET, Nigeria - The 9-year-old boy lay on a bloodstained hospital sheet crawling with ants, staring blindly at the wall.

His family pastor had accused him of being a witch, and his father then tried to force acid down his throat as an exorcism. It spilled as he struggled, burning away his face and eyes. The emaciated boy barely had strength left to whisper the name of the church that had denounced him - Mount Zion Lighthouse.

A month later, he died.

Nwanaokwo Edet was one of an increasing number of children in Africa accused of witchcraft by pastors and then tortured or killed, often by family members. Pastors were involved in half of 200 cases of "witch children" reviewed by the AP, and 13 churches were named in the case files.

Some of the churches involved are renegade local branches of international franchises. Their parishioners take literally the Biblical exhortation, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."

"It is an outrage what they are allowing to take place in the name of Christianity," said Gary Foxcroft, head of nonprofit Stepping Stones Nigeria.

‘Children are defenseless’
For their part, the families are often extremely poor, and sometimes even relieved to have one less mouth to feed. Poverty, conflict and poor education lay the foundation for accusations, which are then triggered by the death of a relative, the loss of a job or the denunciation of a pastor on the make, said Martin Dawes, a spokesman for the United Nations Children's Fund.

"When communities come under pressure, they look for scapegoats," he said. "It plays into traditional beliefs that someone is responsible for a negative change ... and children are defenseless."

The idea of witchcraft is hardly new, but it has taken on new life recently partly because of a rapid growth in evangelical Christianity. Campaigners against the practice say around 15,000 children have been accused in two of Nigeria's 36 states over the past decade and around 1,000 have been murdered. In the past month alone, three Nigerian children accused of witchcraft were killed and another three were set on fire.

Nigeria is one of the heartlands of abuse, but hardly the only one: the United Nations Children's Fund says tens of thousands of children have been targeted throughout Africa.

Competition for congregations
Church signs sprout around every twist of the road snaking through the jungle between Uyo, the capital of the southern Akwa Ibom state where Nwanaokwo lay, and Eket, home to many more rejected "witch children." Churches outnumber schools, clinics and banks put together. Many promise to solve parishioner's material worries as well as spiritual ones - eight out of ten Nigerians struggle by on less than $2 a day.

"Poverty must catch fire," insists the Born 2 Rule Crusade on one of Uyo's main streets.

"Where little shots become big shots in a short time," promises the Winner's Chapel down the road.

"Pray your way to riches," advises Embassy of Christ a few blocks away.

It's hard for churches to carve out a congregation with so much competition. So some pastors establish their credentials by accusing children of witchcraft.

Nwanaokwo said he knew the pastor who accused him only as Pastor King. Mount Zion Lighthouse in Nigeria at first confirmed that a Pastor King worked for them, then denied that they knew any such person.

Bishop A.D. Ayakndue, the head of the church in Nigeria, said pastors were encouraged to pray about witchcraft, but not to abuse children.

"We pray over that problem (of witchcraft) very powerfully," he said. "But we can never hurt a child."

U.S. branches ‘had no idea’
The Nigerian church is a branch of a Californian church by the same name. But the California church says it lost touch with its Nigerian offshoots several years ago.

"I had no idea," said church elder Carrie King by phone from Tracy, Calif. "I knew people believed in witchcraft over there but we believe in the power of prayer, not physically harming people."

The Mount Zion Lighthouse - also named by three other families as the accuser of their children - is part of the powerful Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria. The Fellowship's president, Ayo Oritsejafor, said the Fellowship was the fastest-growing religious group in Nigeria, with more than 30 million members.

"We have grown so much in the past few years we cannot keep an eye on everybody," he explained.

‘Forced into it by the competition’
But Foxcroft, the head of Stepping Stones, said if the organization was able to collect membership fees, it could also police its members better. He had already written to the organization twice to alert it to the abuse, he said. He suggested the fellowship ask members to sign forms denouncing abuse or hold meetings to educate pastors about the new child rights law in the state of Akwa Ibom, which makes it illegal to denounce children as witches. Similar laws and education were needed in other states, he said.

Sam Itauma of the Children's Rights and Rehabilitation Network said it is the most vulnerable children - the orphaned, sick, disabled or poor - who are most often denounced. In Nwanaokwo's case, his poor father and dead mother made him an easy target.

"Even churches who didn't use to 'find' child witches are being forced into it by the competition," said Itauma. "They are seen as spiritually powerful because they can detect witchcraft and the parents may even pay them money for an exorcism."

That's what Margaret Eyekang did when her 8-year-old daughter Abigail was accused by a "prophet" from the Apostolic Church, because the girl liked to sleep outside on hot nights - interpreted as meaning she might be flying off to join a coven. A series of exorcisms cost Eyekang eight months' wages, or US$270. The payments bankrupted her.

Neighbors also attacked her daughter.

"They beat her with sticks and asked me why I was bringing them a witch child," she said. A relative offered Eyekang floor space but Abigail was not welcome and had to sleep in the streets.

Members of two other families said pastors from the Apostolic Church had accused their children of witchcraft, but asked not to be named for fear of retaliation.

The Nigeria Apostolic Church refused repeated requests made by phone, e-mail and in person for comment.

Haven for mutilated children
At first glance, there's nothing unusual about the laughing, grubby kids playing hopscotch or reading from a tattered Dick and Jane book by the graffiti-scrawled cinderblock house. But this is where children like Abigail end up after being labeled witches by churches and abandoned or tortured by their families.

There's a scar above Jane's shy smile: her mother tried to saw off the top of her skull after a pastor denounced her and repeated exorcisms costing a total of $60 didn't cure her of witchcraft. Mary, 15, is just beginning to think about boys and how they will look at the scar tissue on her face caused when her mother doused her in caustic soda. Twelve-year-old Rachel dreamed of being a banker but instead was chained up by her pastor, starved and beaten with sticks repeatedly; her uncle paid him $60 for the exorcism.

Israel's cousin tried to bury him alive, Nwaekwa's father drove a nail through her head, and sweet-tempered Jerry - all knees, elbows and toothy grin - was beaten by his pastor, starved, made to eat cement and then set on fire by his father as his pastor's wife cheered it on.

The children at the home run by Itauma's organization have been mutilated as casually as the praying mantises they play with. Home officials asked for the children's last names not to be used to protect them from retaliation.

The home was founded in 2003 with seven children; it now has 120 to 200 at any given time as children are reconciled with their families and new victims arrive.

‘Witchcraft is real’
Helen Ukpabio is one of the few evangelists publicly linked to the denunciation of child witches. She heads the enormous Liberty Gospel church in Calabar, where Nwanaokwo used to live. Ukpabio makes and distributes popular books and DVDs on witchcraft; in one film, a group of child witches pull out a man's eyeballs. In another book, she advises that 60 percent of the inability to bear children is caused by witchcraft.

In an interview with the AP, Ukpabio is accompanied by her lawyer, church officials and personal film crew.

"Witchcraft is real," Ukpabio insisted, before denouncing the physical abuse of children. Ukpabio says she performs non-abusive exorcisms for free and was not aware of or responsible for any misinterpretation of her materials.

"I don't know about that," she declared.

However, she then acknowledged that she had seen a pastor from the Apostolic Church break a girl's jaw during an exorcism. Ukpabio said she prayed over her that night and cast out the demon. She did not respond to questions on whether she took the girl to hospital or complained about the injury to church authorities.

After activists publicly identified Liberty Gospel as denouncing "child witches," armed police arrived at Itauma's home accompanied by a church lawyer. Three children were injured in the fracas. Itauma asked that other churches identified by children not be named to protect their victims.

"We cannot afford to make enemies of all the churches around here," he said. "But we know the vast majority of them are involved in the abuse even if their headquarters aren't aware."

Just mentioning the name of a church is enough to frighten a group of bubbly children at the home.

"Please stop the pastors who hurt us," said Jerry quietly, touching the scars on his face. "I believe in God and God knows I am not a witch."

Source: MSNBC

We Can Move Mountains by Matt Damon for Parade magazine

kty — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:28:27 -0700

Actor Matt Damon, famous as the hero of the three Bourne movies, is also the star of films such as The Departed and The Informant! But the Oscar winner spends a lot of time working for charitable causes. We asked him why giving is so important. When I was a boy, my mom had a magnet on the refrigerator with a little picture of Gandhi along with a quote from him. It said: “No matter how insignificant what you do may seem, it is important that you do it.” As a child, I was raised to believe that, and to this day I do my best to live it.Nowadays, sentimental magnetized credos have gone the way of nostalgia, and technology has forever changed the way younger generations communicate. But those are still really good words to live by. I got an allowance of $5 a week when I was a kid, but I never spent much money on anything. My mother was involved in all sorts of causes, and when I was about 12, I started sending a little bit every month to one of them. I learned then that you find one thing that matters to you, and it changes your whole mind-set.Here’s something that matters to me right now. Every 15 seconds, a child dies because of a lack of clean water and sanitation. I should probably repeat that: Every 15 seconds, a child dies because of a lack of clean water and sanitation. A billion people on our planet will never have a clean drink of water. There are 2.5 billion people in the world without toilet facilities. That kind of deprivation isn’t even on our radar in the U.S., but in Africa it’s the central preoccupation of many people’s lives. And the most devastating thing about it is that it takes so little to change it. Just $25 will give someone clean water for life-yes, just $25 will change someone’s future forever.
I’ve taken a lot of trips in the last few years to places like Africa and India and Haiti to try to learn what conditions are like. You can read about extreme poverty and possible solutions, but it’s really powerful when you get to meet the people and shake their hands and listen to their stories. I try to keep my trips short because my kids are so young that my wife, Lucy, can’t come. We don’t like to be separated, but we both feel it’s so important to learn about these things. There’s so much I don’t know. In the future, I know these trips are something we’ll do as a family. There’s so much need, it’s so hard to decide where to give. For me, I look at the organizations that are actually doing the work on the ground. I co-founded Water.org, which focuses on water and sanitation. I was in Ethiopia earlier this year, and I watched children taking filthy water out of a hand-dug well and putting it in bottles to take to school. The water was so dirty, it looked like chocolate milk. I wanted to knock it out of their hands and say, “Don’t drink that-it could kill you.” The dilemma is that drinking nothing at all will kill them even faster. Parents in these impoverished areas lose children every year to diseases that could be completely prevented if they had access to clean water.Photos: Stars Who Give BackIn poor rural areas, people can spend five hours each day just getting clean water. Water.org is creating a microfinance model that gives individuals loans they can use to connect their homes to a water source. As a result of not having to spend time walking to the clean-water source, they are able to spend more time working-so in short order, the loans get paid off, and they have extra money in their pockets and clean water in their homes. These loans are being paid back at such a high rate that commercial banks now want to get involved. Poverty feeds into the clean-water crisis, which contributes to hunger, and so on. There’s undeniable interconnectivity among these issues. Just one of these problems can be deadly on its own, but in the most disadvantaged areas there is a perfect storm of problems. And it takes its greatest toll on children. To that end, I also do a great deal of work with an organization called ONEXONE, which is a charity focused exclusively on helping children, with a concentration on clean water, hunger, health care, education, and play here in the U.S. as well as around the world.I went to Tanzania a couple of years ago. President Bush had just started the President’s Malaria Initiative. I visited a clinic where a young woman came in with her horribly sick 5-month-old son. His eyes were rolling in his head, and I thought he would die in front of me. I was shocked. I asked the doctor, “Is he going to be okay?” And the doctor said, “Yes, we gave him the medication to reduce his fever.” Relief ran through my body, and I got this adrenaline rush. That’s a very cool feeling: hope. Later, the mother told me how she had walked for two hours to get to the clinic. Her older child had died the year before from malaria because she didn’t have access to medicine. It was awful what this woman had gone through-but with heavy hearts, we arrived at a sense of optimism. Her 5-month-old would live. I saw over and over again that people were alive because Americans were willing to be generous. I’ve been very lucky in my life, but even the average American lives in a way that is almost unthinkable to a couple of billion people in the world. There’s an unbelievable imbalance. I think it’s incumbent on all of us to do what we can to mitigate other people’s pain. There are so many ways you can help. See Exclusive Photos of Matt Damon
My brother has a group of guys in Boston who all run triathlons together. They do it for fun, but they also look at it as a platform for raising money and awareness. My friend actor Don Cheadle organized a poker game for charity. But you don’t have to be famous to say, “Let’s have a poker tournament at my house. Everyone’s going to buy in for $20, and I’d like the top three winners to give at least half their take to charity.” As this happens more and more at the community level, we can raise the next generation to be so much more aware of the world they’re living in. I can’t think of any more important value to instill in our children than the desire to help others. I feel strongly about setting an example for them. Real problems can be solved by the next generation if we instill in them the right values. I’m not a politician, and I don’t want to tell anybody how to live. But I must say, all these years later, I still think Gandhi had the right idea: No matter how small the contribution we make may seem, it’s crucial that we all do our part. Please find out what you can do to make a difference. Take five minutes to educate yourself on an issue you didn’t know about before. Then tell somebody else. Or make a small donation, if you can. Every dollar counts. Charitable foundations would rather have a million people donate $1 each than have a handful of people write big checks, because that means millions of us are getting involved. If you give $5 and talk to your neighbor about giving $5, that’s a big deal. If that conversation goes on across the country, we’ll really start moving some mountains.We’re here for such a short time. When your great-great-grandkids study history, don’t you want them to be proud that you were part of the solution?

The real Snow WHite story by The Grimm Brothers

Monique Marie — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:39:20 -0700

Once upon a time in the middle of winter, when the flakes of snow were falling like feathers from the sky, a queen sat at a window sewing, and the frame of the window was made of black ebony. And whilst she was sewing and looking out of the window at the snow, she pricked her finger with the needle, and three drops of blood fell upon the snow. And the red looked pretty upon the white snow, and she thought to herself, would that I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the wood of the window-frame.

Soon after that she had a little daughter, who was as white as snow, and as red as blood, and her hair was as black as ebony, and she was therefore called little Snow White. And when the child was born, the queen died.

After a year had passed the king took to himself another wife. She was a beautiful woman, but proud and haughty, and she could not bear that anyone else chould surpass her in beauty. She had a wonderful looking-glass, and when she stood in front of it and looked at herself in it, and said,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"
The looking-glass answered,

"Thou, o queen, art the fairest of all."
Then she was satisfied, for she knew that the looking-glass spoke the truth.

But Snow White was growing up, and grew more and more beautiful, and when she was seven years old she was as beautiful as the day, and more beautiful than the queen herself. And once when the queen asked her looking-glass,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"

It answered,

"Thou art fairer than all who are here, lady queen.
But more beautiful still is Snow White, as I ween."

Then the queen was shocked, and turned yellow and green with envy. From that hour, whenever she looked at Snow White, her heart heaved in her breast, she hated the girl so much. And envy and pride grew higher and higher in her heart like a weed, so that she had no peace day or night.

She called a huntsman, and said, "Take the child away into the forest. I will no longer have her in my sight. Kill her, and bring me back her lung and liver as a token."

The huntsman obeyed, and took her away but when he had drawn his knife, and was about to pierce Snow White's innocent heart, she began to weep, and said, "Ah dear huntsman, leave me my life. I will run away into the wild forest, and never come home again."

And as she was so beautiful the huntsman had pity on her and said, "Run away, then, you poor child."

"The wild beasts will soon have devoured you," thought he, and yet it seemed as if a stone had been rolled from his heart since it was no longer needful for him to kill her.

And as a young bear just then came running by he stabbed it, and cut out its lung and liver and took them to the queen as proof that the child was dead. The cook had to salt them, and the wicked queen ate them, and thought she had eaten the lung and liver of Snow White.

But now the poor child was all alone in the great forest, and so terrified that she looked at all the leaves on the trees, and did not know what to do. Then she began to run, and ran over sharp stones and through thorns, and the wild beasts ran past her, but did her no harm.

She ran as long as her feet would go until it was almost evening, then she saw a little cottage and went into it to rest herself.

Everything in the cottage was small, but neater and cleaner than can be told. There was a table on which was a white cover, and seven little plates, and on each plate a little spoon, moreover, there were seven little knives and forks, and seven little mugs. Against the wall stood seven little beds side by side, and covered with snow-white counterpanes.

Little Snow White was so hungry and thirsty that she ate some vegetables and bread from each plate and drank a drop of wine out of each mug, for she did not wish to take all from one only. Then, as she was so tired, she laid herself down on one of the little beds, but none of them suited her, one was too long, another too short, but at last she found that the seventh one was right, and so she remained in it, said a prayer and went to sleep.

When it was quite dark the owners of the cottage came back. They were seven dwarfs who dug and delved in the mountains for ore. They lit their seven candles, and as it was now light within the cottage they saw that someone had been there, for everything was not in the same order in which they had left it.

The first said, "Who has been sitting on my chair?"

The second, "Who has been eating off my plate?"

The third, "Who has been taking some of my bread?"

The fourth, "Who has been eating my vegetables?"

The fifth, "Who has been using my fork?"

The sixth, "Who has been cutting with my knife?"

The seventh, "Who has been drinking out of my mug?"

Then the first looked round and saw that there was a little hollow on his bed, and he said, "Who has been getting into my bed?"

The others came up and each called out, "Somebody has been lying in my bed too."

But the seventh when he looked at his bed saw little Snow White, who was lying asleep therein. And he called the others, who came running up, and they cried out with astonishment, and brought their seven little candles and let the light fall on little Snow White.

"Oh, heavens, oh, heavens," cried they, "what a lovely child."

And they were so glad that they did not wake her up, but let her sleep on in the bed. And the seventh dwarf slept with his companions, one hour with each, and so passed the night.

When it was morning little Snow White awoke, and was frightened when she saw the seven dwarfs.

But they were friendly and asked her what her name was.

"My name is Snow White," she answered.

"How have you come to our house, said the dwarfs.

Then she told them that her step-mother had wished to have her killed, but that the huntsman had spared her life, and that she had run for the whole day, until at last she had found their dwelling.

The dwarfs said, "If you will take care of our house, cook, make the beds, wash, sew and knit, and if you will keep everything neat and clean you can stay with us and you shall want for nothing."

"Yes," said Snow White, "with all my heart." And she stayed with them.

She kept the house in order for them. In the mornings they went to the mountains and looked for copper and gold, in the evenings they came back, and then their supper had to be ready.

The girl was alone the whole day, so the good dwarfs warned her and said, "Beware of your step-mother, she will soon know that you are here, be sure to let no one come in."

But the queen, believing that she had eaten Snow White's lung and liver, could not but think that she was again the first and most beautiful of all, and she went to her looking-glass and said,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"
And the glass answered,

"Oh, queen, thou art fairest of all I see,
But over the hills, where the seven dwarfs dwell,
Snow White is still alive and well,
And none is so fair as she."
Then she was astounded, for she knew that the looking-glass never spoke falsely, and she knew that the huntsman had betrayed her, and that little Snow White was still alive.

And so she thought and thought again how she might kill her, for so long as she was not the fairest in the whole land, envy let her have no rest. And when she had at last thought of something to do, she painted her face, and dressed herself like an old pedlar-woman, and no one could have known her.

In this disguise she went over the seven mountains to the seven dwarfs, and knocked at the door and cried, "Pretty things to sell, very cheap, very cheap."

Little Snow White looked out of the window and called out, "Good-day my good woman, what have you to sell?"

" Good things, pretty things," she answered, "stay-laces of all colors," and she pulled out one which was woven of bright-colored silk.

"I may let the worthy old woman in," thought Snow White, and she unbolted the door and bought the pretty laces.

"Child," said the old woman, "what a fright you look, come, I will lace you properly for once."

Snow White had no suspicion, but stood before her, and let herself be laced with the new laces. But the old woman laced so quickly and so tightly that Snow White lost her breath and fell down as if dead.

"You were the most beautiful," said the queen to herself, and ran away.

Not long afterwards, in the evening, the seven dwarfs came home, but how shocked they were when they saw their dear little Snow White lying on the ground, and that she neither stirred nor moved, and seemed to be dead. They lifted her up, and, as they saw that she was laced too tightly, they cut the laces, then she began to breathe a little, and after a while came to life again.

When the dwarfs heard what had happened they said, "The old pedlar-woman was no one else than the wicked queen, take care and let no one come in when we are not with you."

But the wicked woman when she had reached home went in front of the glass and asked,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"
And it answered as before,

"Oh, queen, thou art fairest of all I see,
But over the hills, where the seven dwarfs dwell,
Snow White is still alive and well,
And none is so fair as she."
When she heard that, all her blood rushed to her heart with fear, for she saw plainly that little Snow White was again alive.

"But now," she said, "I will think of something that shall really put an end to you." And by the help of witchcraft, which she understood, she made a poisonous comb. Then she disguised herself and took the shape of another old woman.

So she went over the seven mountains to the seven dwarfs, knocked at the door, and cried, "Good things to sell, cheap, cheap."

Little Snow White looked out and said, "Go away, I cannot let anyone come in."

"I suppose you can look," said the old woman, and pulled the poisonous comb out and held it up.

It pleased the girl so well that she let herself be beguiled, and opened the door. When they had made a bargain the old woman said, "Now I will comb you properly for once."

Poor little Snow White had no suspicion, and let the old woman do as she pleased, but hardly had she put the comb in her hair than the poison in it took effect, and the girl fell down senseless.

"You paragon of beauty," said the wicked woman, "you are done for now, and she went away."

But fortunately it was almost evening, when the seven dwarfs came home. When they saw Snow White lying as if dead upon the ground they at once suspected the step-mother, and they looked and found the poisoned comb. Scarcely had they taken it out when Snow White came to herself, and told them what had happened. Then they warned her once more to be upon her guard and to open the door to no one.

The queen, at home, went in front of the glass and said,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"

Then it answered as before,

"Oh, queen, thou art fairest of all I see,
But over the hills, where the seven dwarfs dwell,
Snow White is still alive and well,
And none is so fair as she."
When she heard the glass speak thus she trembled and shook with rage.

"Snow White shall die," she cried, "even if it costs me my life."

Thereupon she went into a quite secret, lonely room, where no one ever came, and there she made a very poisonous apple. Outside it looked pretty, white with a red cheek, so that everyone who saw it longed for it, but whoever ate a piece of it must surely die.

When the apple was ready she painted her face, and dressed herself up as a farmer's wife, and so she went over the seven mountains to the seven dwarfs. She knocked at the door.

Snow White put her head out of the window and said, "I cannot let anyone in, the seven dwarfs have forbidden me."

"It is all the same to me," answered the woman, "I shall soon get rid of my apples. There, I will give you one."

"No," said Snow White, "I dare not take anything."

"Are you afraid of poison?" said the old woman, "look, I will cut the apple in two pieces, you eat the red cheek, and I will eat the white."

The apple was so cunningly made that only the red cheek was poisoned. Snow White longed for the fine apple, and when she saw that the woman ate part of it she could resist no longer, and stretched out her hand and took the poisonous half. But hardly had she a bit of it in her mouth than she fell down dead.

Then the queen looked at her with a dreadful look, and laughed aloud and said, "White as snow, red as blood, black as ebony-wood, this time the dwarfs cannot wake you up again."

And when she asked of the looking-glass at home,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"

And it answered at last,

"Oh, queen, in this land thou art fairest of all."

Then her envious heart had rest, so far as an envious heart can have rest.

The dwarfs, when they came home in the evening, found Snow White lying upon the ground, she breathed no longer and was dead. They lifted her up, looked to see whether they could find anything poisonous, unlaced her, combed her hair, washed her with water and wine, but it was all of no use, the poor child was dead, and remained dead. They laid her upon a bier, and all seven of them sat round it and wept for her, and wept three days long. Then they were going to bury her, but she still looked as if she were living, and still had her pretty red cheeks.

They said, "We could not bury her in the dark ground," and they had a transparent coffin of glass made, so that she could be seen from all sides, and they laid her in it, and wrote her name upon it in golden letters, and that she was a king's daughter. Then they put the coffin out upon the mountain, and one of them always stayed by it and watched it. And birds came too, and wept for Snow White, first an owl, then a raven, and last a dove.

And now Snow White lay a long, long time in the coffin, and she did not change, but looked as if she were asleep, for she was as white as snow, as red as blood, and her hair was as black as ebony.

It happened, however, that a king's son came into the forest, and went to the dwarfs, house to spend the night. He saw the coffin on the mountain, and the beautiful Snow White within it, and read what was written upon it in golden letters.

Then he said to the dwarfs, "Let me have the coffin, I will give you whatever you want for it."

But the dwarfs answered, "We will not part with it for all the gold in the world."

Then he said, "Let me have it as a gift, for I cannot live without seeing Snow White. I will honor and prize her as my dearest possession."

As he spoke in this way the good dwarfs took pity upon him, and gave him the coffin. And now the king's son had it carried away by his servants on their shoulders. And it happened that they stumbled over a tree-stump, and with the shock the poisonous piece of apple which Snow White had bitten off came out of her throat. And before long she opened her eyes, lifted up the lid of the coffin, sat up, and was once more alive.

"Oh, heavens, where am I?" she cried.

The king's son, full of joy, said, "You are with me." And he told her what had happened, and said, "I love you more than everything in the world, come with me to my father's palace, you shall be my wife."

And Snow White was willing, and went with him, and their wedding was held with great show and splendor. But Snow White's wicked step-mother was also bidden to the feast. When she had arrayed herself in beautiful clothes she went before the looking-glass, and said,

"Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?"

The glass answered,

"Oh, queen, of all here the fairest art thou,
But the young queen is fairer by far as I trow."
Then the wicked woman uttered a curse, and was so wretched, so utterly wretched that she knew not what to do. At first she would not go to the wedding at all, but she had no peace, and had to go to see the young queen. And when she went in she recognized Snow White, and she stood still with rage and fear, and could not stir. But iron slippers had already been put upon the fire, and they were brought in with tongs, and set before her. Then she was forced to put on the red-hot shoes, and dance until she dropped down dead.

Smart Mama, Scary Book

hartsfull — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:21:16 -0700

I loved this article! So funny because her talking about the worrying is so true! But her whole point of the article is really good. I hope you all like it as much as I did.

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http://www.newsweek.com/id/205701?tid=relatedcl

Raina Kelley Smart Mama, Scary Book
What's so disturbing about a new green parenting guide?

Jul 8, 2009

I have a very active fantasy life. Before you start snickering, let me just tell you that my imaginings are more along the lines of Mary in In Plain Sight or Madonna in "Express Yourself" rather than Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat. Anyway, over the last few months, my daydreams have become extremely mundane. I fantasize about what sports my son will play when he's older (Gabe is just a year old) or how he'll make me laugh when he's in the second grade and thinks Martin Luther King Jr. was a real king like I once did, or even how I'll foil his attempts to sneak out of the house when he's a teenager. I tell you this not to make you gag, but to communicate how much I love my son. He's the absolute center of my world-my past, present, and future. And I also tell you this because I know that's how most people love their children-WITH every fiber of their being.

But the flip side of that love for Gabe is a fear (close to panic) that something bad will happen to him. The vagaries of life that make it interesting (and funny and tragic) to be a grown woman in the 21st century are the kinds of things that strike terror in the hearts of parents. What if there's a home invasion? Is the sun getting ready to explode? Do they sell slipcovers made of bubble wrap or even better, bubble-wrap clothing? If Gabe accidentally sipped my Diet Coke, would his growth stop? My fierce desire to keep my kid safe from all harm is constantly bumping up against my equally fierce desire to make sure he grows up to be a good person without the kinds of neuroses that are rumored to beset kids with helicopter parents (narcissism, addiction to praise, inability to do laundry, disrespect for people who look and act in a way different than they do, etc.). That's why I'm always looking to experts for the best ways to combine my parenting obsessions. So when a colleague handed me Smart Mama's Green Guide: Simple Steps to Reduce Your Child's Toxic Chemical Exposure, a new book by Jennifer Taggart, my radar immediately went up. Finally, some tips on how to keep Gabe safe in a world surrounded by industrial dangers. (Quick quibble: How did smart papas get off the hook? Why are moms the only ones ever called upon to keep the kids alive?)

But something strange happened to me on the way to the end of this book. I became furious. It was page after page about the dangers of lead, arsenic, plastics, and pesticides. The book should have been titled Silly Mamas: Your Home Will Kill Your Baby. I think the only point was to scare the bejeezus out of me. Each chapter is sprinkled with "Smart Mama Scary Facts," which are little bits of horrifying trivia like: "At least 240,000 babies born each year are at risk of learning disabilities resulting from fetal exposure to mercury." What the heck is that info good for except keeping you up at night? Oh yeah, like so many of the other parenting guides, Taggart says she's not trying to frighten you; but her endless ruminations on rare causes of harm to an infant's health and seemingly willful avoidance of common things that do put a child's life in danger (such as accidental suffocation or drowning) means that she's either trying to drive me crazy with worry or get me to buy something. The big hook into Taggart's book: "With environmental exposures being closely linked to 70 percent of birth defects, new parents faced with the overwhelming responsibility for their babies' health frequently turn to organic products. But they quickly find they don't have the time to practice a completely green or natural lifestyle."

So Taggart is going to show you how to get your baby's toys tested for lead, check your dwelling for asbestos, killer mold, and radon, I assume, in an attempt to lower the risk of harm to a baby and get parents to practice a more green lifestyle. But what Taggart doesn't explain is that many "environmental exposures" are actually a parent's fault. Secondhand smoke, fetal exposure to alcohol, prescription drugs like Accutane, illicit drugs such as cocaine and untreated syphillis are all known environmental factors that can cause birth defects. Once you factor out these kinds of exposures, as well as the ones that rely on a genetic predisposition, you have just a small percentage of birth defects caused by chemicals lurking in our house and maybe not even that many since the science is far, far, far from certain. The World Health Organization has estimated that 5 percent of all birth defects are attributable to environmental causes, while both the March of Dimes and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have said that the cause of 70 percent of birth defects is unknown.

I think it is dishonest and worse, cruel, to let new parents worry that invisible substances in their homes are hurting their children. Taggart does give herself an out by saying that even if the risk is small or unknown, it's worth tackling it, just in case there's a problem. "If I'm willing to die for my children," Taggart writes, "wouldn't that mean that I would do anything to protect them from toxic chemicals?" Yes, it is true; I would die for Gabe to save his life from a clear and present danger. But I don't appreciate Taggart using this fact to guilt me into panicking over household cleaners. Taggart reports that radon is the No. 1 cause of lung cancer in nonsmokers, which is true. But she fails to tell you that nine out 10 lung-cancer deaths happen to smokers, the number of nonsmokers who die each year from radon-induced lung cancer is 2,900 according to the EPA. She tells you all about the powers of organic food but leaves out the fact that the American Dietetic Association doesn't know and won't speculate on whether it's healthier or safer, instead choosing to concentrate on the known-such as the benefits of a well-balanced and varied diet and portion control. If parents followed Taggart's logic to its extremes, we'd keep our kids off the playground in case of spree killers. Perhaps Taggart thinks I should home-school Gabe rather than take the risk that one of his teachers might have bubonic plague. I joke, but I'm actually serious. Authors of parenting guides should be waaaaay more responsible when they wave the fear flag-I mean, they're trying to help, right? Not just make money off our insecurities?

So go get Smart Mama if you're worried about toxins and your kids. I'm not going to discourage you. It does have some great info on making homemade cleaners. I just need to caution you to treat the book the way a lawyer treats a hostile witness. For every fact that makes you want to jump off the couch and escape with your son to an island paradise-like the 38 million homes in America that still have some lead paint or the 82 percent of children who are exposed on a weekly basis to chemicals that can harm the brain-go to the internet and get some context. Check the March of Dimes Web site, as well as the one from the American Academy of Pediatrics or WebMD. Call your kids' doctor. Ask lots of questions. Just don't buy every cock and bull story about the sun exploding in your living room due to too much television watching by children under the age of 2. If you don't do your homework and you're anything like me, it'll just put your sanity at risk.

Inside depth look at self-esteem

Monique Marie — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:42:08 -0700

To explain what happens to love between two people, we need to begin by understanding what happens to self-love, or self-esteem. Since you are the primary ingredient-and the common denominator-in all of your relationships, you will see the definite correlation between the strength of your self-esteem and the health of your relationships. Understanding the dynamics of self-esteem, what happens to it as we grow up, and how to put it back on the right path will not only help you feel better about yourself, which will certainly contribute to your relationships, but will also assist you in enhancing the self-esteem of the people you love the most.

Some Misconceptions about self-esteem:
1. We have mistakenly thought that ego or conceit is the same thing as self-esteem. It is not. Self-esteem is based on our inherent worth and strength as human beings, that is, on our soul essence. Ego is based on our minds-what we think-not on who we are at our core. In relationships, ego pushes people away, while self-esteem attracts them.

2. By the nature of our common language on the subject, we have created the misunderstanding that self-esteem is “high” or “low.” Self-esteem is referred to here as “high” or “low” simply for convenience, but we don’t really have high or low levels of self-esteem. We have either easy access or blocked access to that self-esteem. The same is true for love. Love doesn’t go away; it just gets blocked.

3. We have mistakenly thought that once we achieve easy access to our self-esteem, it is ours for good. In actuality, self-esteem, much like physical fitness, has to be continuously and consciously maintained. The good news is that once healthy self-esteem has been achieved, the “lows” don’t go as deep, and a pathway out of the depths has already been forged so you don’t stay as long. Relationships also require this ongoing maintenance.

4. We have mistakenly thought that self-esteem is “global.” That is, we think that if someone has self-esteem, they have it across the board in all areas of life. In reality, someone can feel good about his performance at work and terrible about his relationships at home. Someone can have high self-esteem with regard to her productivity or creativity and low self-esteem around her body image.

5. We have greatly underestimated the impact of self-esteem on our relationships by mistakenly thinking that the health of our self-esteem only impacts how we feel about ourselves. In actuality, our self-esteem also impacts our ability to feel loved by others, to feel worthy of the love of others, and to share our love with others. If we do not love ourselves, we cannot fully believe that others love us. If we do not feel worthy of love, we will sabotage our relationship to prove that we were right about our lack of worthiness. If we do not feel love within us, we are unable to share love with others. If we cannot love ourselves unconditionally, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and experience joy and happiness on a daily basis, we cannot love others unconditionally, forgive them when necessary, or share our joy and happiness with them.

Who you really are:

Consider the positive qualities of small children before they have been “contaminated” by the world around them. They are inherently playful, funny, creative, honest, imaginative, curious, wonder-filled, loving, joyful, and enthusiastic. They are adventurous risk takers. They are authentic and in the moment with their emotions; they laugh when they are happy, cry when they are sad, and forget about whatever upsets them as soon as it is fixed or something new happens. They are natural learners, wanting to know what everything is called and how things work. They are creative and imaginative, able to build a magnificent fort out of a few blankets and chairs. Children are able to take compliments simply because they know their own worth and are confident that the compliments are true. Small children get along with others regardless of race, religion, gender, or handicap because they haven’t yet learned to judge. Small children are forgiving because living in the present moment doesn’t allow them to hold a grudge. Children are closely aligned with their esteemed self because they haven’t yet had life experiences that have separated their egos from their spirits. Small children know their divine essence. All they do is an authentic expression of who they are. When you consider the qualities of someone with high self-esteem, they are similar: confident, risk-taking, adventurous, authentic, eager to learn, happy, loving, lovable, etc.

Keep in mind that this is true not only about the children outside of you but also about the child inside of you. You were like this as a child too. These childlike qualities are an expression of your soul; they represent who you really are. The good news is that these qualities never go away, they just get covered up. Our access to them gets blocked. With a little concerted effort, we can regain access to all those childlike, esteemed qualities.

As we grow up, important people in our lives-parents, relatives, siblings, friends, teachers-through both their words and their actions give us negative input that impacts our self-esteem. They say things to us that don’t feel so good: “you’re stupid.” “You’re ugly.” “What is that C doing on your report card?” Sometimes the messages weren’t so blatant but rather came through loud and clear when a parent couldn’t make time for us, or we were picked last for the baseball team, or someone gave us a dirty look, or a teacher rolled her eyes when we answered a question. Regardless of whether the other person was really upset with us, we would take in these experiences as information about who we were and what we were worth. From there, we began to form beliefs that defined us.

We have all adopted limiting beliefs about different parts of ourselves. Something undoubtedly happened along the way to communicate to you that you were not good at something, and you bought into it, turned it into a belief, and began acting out your life in alignment with it. It wasn’t a belief that served you, and yet perhaps you still have your life accordance with it. At what age did you take on the belief that you couldn’t sing or speak in public or that you were not good at art, math, or reading? Maybe these beliefs were based on the truth about your skills and abilities at age eight, ten, or twelve. What wasn’t true was that this belief defined who you were, what you were capable of becoming, or what you were capable of overcoming by learning new skills.

Consider how this shows up in your life. Did you ever take on the belief that you didn’t deserve love? Or that you couldn’t make or manage money? How about the belief that you can’t make someone else happy in a relationship or that relationships don’t last or that you can’t be faithful? How about the belief that to really open your heart and show up 100 percent in a relationship makes you too vulnerable and is dangerous? Or that if you told the whole truth about yourself no one would want to be with you? How about the belief that you are nobody without your partner and you could not possible live if he or she were to leave you? These are simply beliefs-who you think you are-that are only true as long as you believe them, and they only stay alive as long as you feed them with the fuel of your energy.

As we take life experiences and begin to turning them into limiting beliefs, we mistakenly begin to believe that who we are is someone limited, fearful, undeserving, reserved, incapable, dependent, jealous, possessive, and weak, instead of who we really are: someone powerful, abundant, capable, friendly, energetic, creative, imaginative, expressive, authentic, and loving. Now consider which you would rather be, then consider which you would rather be in a relationship with.

Who you want everyone else to think you are:

Remember, who we really are is being covered up and smothered by who we have come to think we are, based on out limiting beliefs. Since it is so painful to believe all these negative and limiting statements about ourselves and to allow others to see these things in us, we develop defense mechanisms to try to keep more pain out. So we put on a façade to keep others from hurting us further or to keep them from seeing (what we think is) the truth about us (that we are limited and weak). We may begin judging others in an effort to relive pain by trying to prove that we are better than everyone else or by acting as if this were true. We may show up as really angry or distant, unconsciously figuring that if we are angry enough, people will not get close enough to hurt us. In order to hide our negative beliefs about ourselves, we may try to impress other people by dressing a certain way, driving fancy cars, buying expensive things, or trying to be perfect. We may flaunt our sexuality or become promiscuous; unconsciously thinking the kind of attention we receive can make us feel better about ourselves. We may try to avoid being hurt by not trying new things, thus avoiding the potential failure that would ass to out negative beliefs. We may smile even when er don’t feel happy or friendly because we figure if we just keep on smiling, other people will think we are ok. We may crack jokes an in effort to keep people laughing so that they will like us. We may take drugs or abuse other substances in an effort both to numb our pain and to divert other’s attention toward our addictions and away from our painful beliefs. We unconsciously think that if we throw them off track, they won’t notice how bad we feel about ourselves. We may even work out excessively or develop eating disorders in an effort to cover up what we believe to be true.

Our unconscious efforts to protect ourselves cause us to become more and more inauthentic until we feel totally disconnected from other people and, worse yet, disconnected from ourselves. If we no longer know who we really are, it is impossible to believe that the people we are in relationships with know us. Worse yet, it is impossible to truly receive, their love because we don’t feel worthy.

When there is a difference (a gap) between who you really are at your core (your soul) and how you are showing up (your ego), your self-esteem suffers-and so do your relationships. It’s as though your self-esteem and the health of your relationships fall into that gap.

- If you value honesty but regularly tell lies, there is a gap. (which causes blocked self-esteem and unhealthy relationships).
- If you value being kind to others and you act kindly, there is no gap. (and thus you have healthy self-esteem and healthy relationships).
- If you value monogamy but cheat on your spouse, there is a gap (and thus low self-esteem and damaged relationships).
- If you value taking responsibility for your actions and you admit your mistakes and learn from them, there is no gap (and you enjoy high self-esteem and repairable relationships).
- If you value communication but don’t listen to others or express your feelings, there is a gap (which blocks your self-esteem and isolates you in your relationships).
- If you value being a good friend and you show up for your friends in thoughtful, consistent, and fair ways, there is no gap (and thus high self-esteem and strong relationships).
- If you value being fit but you know you could improve your diet and exercise habits, there is a gap (and thus a bad feeling about yourself that impacts your relationships).

We often think that just because we believe something, it is the truth, which is not always the case. As you know, the majority of people prior to 1492 believed that the earth was flat. That belief turned out to be wrong. Many, many of our beliefs –about everything from science to society-have ben proven wrong over time with the addition of new information and new tools. Many of the beliefs as we individuals have held about ourselves and about our lives have also been proven wrong-or will be over the course of our lives. Therefore, the concept that “belief equals truth” is disputable.

The problem is that few of us are trained to question our beliefs and unchallenged false beliefs have the power to alter our decisions and to limit what we can accomplish. When we are using limiting beliefs as guideposts for our decision making, they impact every aspect of our well-being, including our relationships. If we think something is dangerous, impossible, or too hard, we may not venture to do it. Can you imagine how many people didn’t try sailing around the world based on the belief that they would fall off when they reached the edge? Can you imagine how many marriages have ended in divorce because of the belief that nothing could be done to make the marriage work?

False beliefs to challenge:
1. Once I’ve fallen out of love with someone, that is that; I can’t get it back.
2. What I have experienced in the past is likely what I will experience in the future.
3. My spouse has to do something different in order for our marriage to work.
4. I can’t improve the relationship by myself, it takes two.
5. I need different conditions to make my marriage work.
6. I am powerless to change my life.
7. Love relationships don’t require work. They should be purely magical.
8. If this relationship doesn’t work, I will never love again.
9. I’ve never been in a relationship that lasted, this one probably won’t either.
10. Men (or women) aren’t trustworthy.

Empowering beliefs to try on:
1. I can fall in love again, In fact, love has never left me, it has just gotten blocked. I can clear the obstacles between love and me-and between me and my partner.
2. With new skills and tools, I can create new experiences.
3. It is my response to circumstances-not the circumstances themselves-that dictate the quality of my relationships.
4. I take full responsibility for the quality of my marriage.
5. I can improve my experience of this relationship with or without my spouse’s involvement.
6. I am powerful and able to change-or simply enjoy-my life.
7. Love in unlimited. As long as I am loving, I will never be without love.
8. No relationship lasts until one does! This one can be the one.