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6 T'giving Tips For Turkey Day

PetSugar — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:00:29 -0800

Time's tickin' to T'giving! If your holiday festivities include furry friends, check out some tips to get you through the day safely, for all parties involved!

Stock Safe Snacks	Keep Pets Entertained	A Taste Is All It Takes
Gobble, Gobble Gift Guide: Turkey Toys For Thankful Dogs	The-Day-After Omelet For Dogs	Mmmmm, Pie: Desserts For Finicky Felines

Spoken by a Man, Written by Women: Don Draper's Wisdom

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:00:25 -0800

Mad Men's Don Draper spends a lot of time not talking, which does the rare double duty of adding to his appeal while reducing him to a total ass. But when he does talk, his words are elegant, philosophical, and - if you think about - really great advice! Even so, when they're all put together in this montage above, Don sounds more like a narcissist with a God complex than a wise man with a gift for language, reminding us where his words came from: women writers. With women filling the pool of writers on Mad Men, we'd be remiss to give Don all, or any, of the credit. So what's your favorite line?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Sunday Confessional: She's Feeling Jealous

TresSugar — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:00:05 -0800

This week's anonymous confession comes from the TrèsSugar Community group Confession Booth. This confessor finds herself worried about her boyfriend's co-worker. She explains:

"Before we started dating my boyfriend slept with someone he still works with. He just recently told me this and it's driving me nuts!!!!!!"

Do you think this is a big deal?

How Would You Feel?

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:00:04 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for four years. Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at plus size lingerie says that he thinks it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. So, what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so hurt!

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

You Asked: Burning Lungs From Running in the Cold

FitSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:50:49 -0800

Hi Fit,
I recently started running outdoors and am really enjoying it. It's started to cool off, and breathing in the cold air really burns my throat and lungs when I jog. Is there anything that can be done to prevent this?
- Winter Runner

Ahhh, the cold weather is moving in, and I give you credit for continuing your outdoor runs even though the temps have dropped. Running in the crisp air can be so exhilarating to your body and your mind, but your lungs are another story. I have some ideas about how to make your respiratory system happier, though, so continue reading

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

How Do I Handle This Strip Club Situation?

Tres Community — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:15 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

First of all my husband and I have been married for half of a year now. He's in the Navy and just got deployed, but right before the deployment he was sent to Hawaii for one day. I dropped him off at the airport and it was so hard for me to let him go. He called from Hawaii and we talked for five minutes then he said he had to go and he would call back.

As I was checking our bank account to check on the bills I noticed he had paid to go in to some type of club. While crying my eyes out because of how much I already missed him and knowing he wasn't coming home any time soon, I waited for him to call back. When he finally did I got him to tell me the truth and it turned out to be a strip club. This was his first time going into a strip club. The problem is that I feel so offended and disrespected. I know I'm not unattractive, and I'm very open minded in our sex life. So to me it seems as if I'm not enough for him, and that he didn't care about how I feel about strip clubs. The fact that he was lusting over those girls makes me so angry and upset.

To see the rest, .

When we talked I was so mad and disappointed and couldn't stop crying. But after a while I realized that I've been told not to say anything negative or upsetting to him since he was going on deployment to a very stressful environment. I won't be able to talk to him at all while he's gone, I can only send emails but I can't confront him there either. So I had to pretend that I got over it and that I was OK, so he wouldn't feel bad and guilty. But in reality I feel so disgusted and can't take the thought of him wanting someone else. I'm alone and don't have any family here, this is our first deployment and I'm still trying to handle it. He made things so much worse for me, now I'm not just worried about his safety, but also at the thought of when he goes to a port he's going to cheat on me. I'm just hurt and feel resentment towards him, but for as long as he's out I have to pretend I'm fine and support him through the emails. I know some people might think I'm over reacting, but to me this is just like cheating.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

You Asked: Energy Bar For a Meal?

FitSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:00:48 -0800

Dear Fit,
I just got off the phone with a friend and I need some advice. She says for breakfast, she eats one Balance Bar. I know some bars are fortified with vitamins, but this doesn't seem like enough to me - calorie- or nutrition-wise. What do you think? Is it OK to eat an energy bar for a meal?
-Concerned Friend

This is an excellent question because I think many people grab a bar for a quick meal because it's quick, easy, and fairly inexpensive. Is it enough, though? To find out what I think read more.

Replacing a meal with an energy bar is not a good idea. For one, most bars contain only about 200 calories. That calorie amount is suitable for a snack, not a meal. Another reason is that those bars were designed to give someone energy before or after a workout, so they tend to be high in carbs and low in fiber. That translates to quick energy at first, but your friend probably feels tired and hungry soon after. The low fiber issue may also affect regularity. The bottom line is that energy bars are not designed to replace a well-balanced meal, since they won't offer the same kind of nutrition. Even the ones that are fortified with vitamins and minerals only offer about 25 percent of your RDI, which isn't very much.

I think it's best to ask your friend why she's only eating an energy bar for breakfast. Is she short on time? Is she trying to lose weight? Does she think it's healthy? Once you find out her reasoning, you can suggest healthy breakfast ideas that suit her needs. There are plenty of tasty options that are high in protein and fiber to offer sustained energy, are easy to make, and won't break the calorie bank.

No Nature's Miracle? Try This All-Natural Method Instead

PetSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:00:34 -0800

I can't rave enough about the wonders of Nature's Miracle when potty training or cleaning pup's playthings. However, truthfully, I haven't stocked a bottle since my pet was a wee babe since he's got the peeing thing down pat. However, many dogs (North included) can have a repeat problem with stuff coming out the other end.

Yesterday morning, my poor pooch threw up on his bed and then hid in my bedroom, looking as embarrassed as this doxie. Since I didn't want to deal with laundry right before rushing to work, but also didn't want to let the stain (and smell) set in, I went into my kitchen and grabbed two staples.

Find out what they are and what I did when you read more.

Instead of tap water, I scrubbed the area with a small amount of club soda and let it dry while taking a shower. When I got out, I sprinkled the spot with baking soda and headed to work, crating my pup. When I got home, I used my handy Dyson Animal to immediately vacuum up all the excess powder before letting North back in. Good as new and stink-free, too.

Source: Flickr User TheWellSpokenOne