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Bad Relationship, Great Sex?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0800

Is it possible to have great sex with someone you hate? That was the hot and heavy debate on last night's Parks and Recreation, when mustachioed Ron reunites with his ex-wife Tammy. The toxic couple can't talk without fighting - and the fighting inevitably leads to sex. Sex that Ron compares to "doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours."

Ron eventually learns that hooking up with a toxic ex can be a very bad idea: "It took years of intense, focused hatred to get over her, and now I've undone all that great work." Have you ever had amazing sex with someone you couldn't stand? Or hooked up with an ex only to discover it was a terrible idea?

Bad Relationships Could Damage Your Heart

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:00:00 -0700

Being in a bad relationship definitely breaks your heart, but new research is showing that it can literally harm this important organ. Bad marriages or relationship issues cause stress, and too much stress can raise your risk for heart disease.

In a 12-year study of 9,011 British civil servants (most of them married), those with bad relationships were 34% more likely to have heart attacks or heart trouble than those in good relationships.

A different 10-year study discovered that wives who kept quiet about marital problems had an increased risk of dying compared to those who voiced their opinions. Also, married men were less likely to die during that period than single men.

The bottom line of this research is that good relationships are not only good for the soul, but they keep us happy which adds to our good health. However, if the relationship is negative and causes either person a lot of stress, then it may be doing more harm than just making you sad. Working through problems with a therapist and communicating your needs and feelings openly with your partner may help to heal a bad relationship, all the while keeping your heart healthy.

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A Good Idea or a Bad Idea: Long Distance Relationships

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Long distance relationships aren't ideal but sometimes couples don't have a choice in the matter and they have to make the best of it. If you are living apart from your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's crucial to be as open and honest as possible in order to make it work since there is so much room for misunderstandings and jealousy. At the end of the day, they work for some people but for others, the distance is just too much to handle. I've done it before and I most likely wouldn't ever do it again, but what I want to know is, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to have a long distance relationship?

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Relationship Protocol: Have You Picked Up Any Bad Habits From Your Significant Other?

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:48:38 -0700

I'm a creature of habit, but the older I get, the more I realize how many habits of mine have been adopted from past boyfriends. Cracking my neck, the way I butter my corn, and having to close every closet door before going to bed are just a few. I think it's only natural to pick up such tendencies, but once you start to pick up the bad ones, it can be hard to let them go. Of course, bad habits are all a matter of opinion but tell me, have you picked up any from your significant other? If so, tell us about them below.

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Who Would You Rather See Quinn With?

Buzz Community — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:30:36 -0800

This post comes from Glee Club group member care0531.

Quinn Fabray was never one of my favorite characters on Glee. We all got to know Quinn as a somewhat selfish, stuck up star of the Cheerios, and head of the celibacy club who only joined the glee club to keep an eye on her boyfriend Finn Hudson. When everyone at William McKinley High School found out Quinn’s secret of being pregnant a lot changed for her, and since then her walls have come down and we have gotten to see a more vulnerable side to her.

The one thing still bothering me about Quinn is her lying about who’s her baby's real father. Which leads me to this question: Who should Quinn be with?

Finn Hudson: The captain of the football team and star singer in glee club. It’s not just Finn’s good looks that get the ladies attention - it’s the fact that he has a sensitive side that everyone gets to see. He sticks up for his outcast friends in glee club, and he never wants to let anyone down. The downside to Finn is he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I don’t think there are many high school students who would think it was possible to get your girlfriend pregnant without having sex.

Puck: (Real name Noah Puckerman) is the rebel jock football player who joins his friend Finn in the glee club. He has that signature mohawk and bad boy temperament but when it comes to his feelings for Quinn, he isn’t afraid to show her. Puck’s father is a “dead beat” and he doesn’t want to be that way which could be why we are seeing a softer side to him these days. Puck keeps showing an effort to be a part of Quinn’s life even though she keeps pushing him away.

Other: Maybe you think Quinn should be single and deal with this all on her own, maybe you think she should meet someone outside of glee and football to form a special relationship with, or maybe it’s just the support of all her good glee friends that help get her through the next several months of her pregnancy.

Vote and leave a comment telling us why.

Photos courtesy of Fox

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Grey's Anatomy Rundown, "Holidaze"

BuzzSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

As evidenced in my holiday TV sneak peek, this week's episode of Grey's Anatomy puts the doctors on a fast track that starts on Thanksgiving eve and runs through New Year's Eve. As we all know by now, the Seattle Grace surgeons aren't always big on merriment, but the holidays are always the perfect time to bring out the truth in feelings and relationships.

Meredith bonds with the Chief while Mark learns that he has a teenage daughter. Bailey has a confrontation with her father and Teddy and Owen's sexual tension comes to a head. To read all about it, just read more.

As the episode opens, the Chief is trying to justify his drinking to Meredith - explaining that his alcoholism was "misdiagnosed" and that he was actually suffering from situational depression. (Um, right.) It's unclear whether Mere takes his word for it because she believes him or feels like she has to, but she accepts his mentorship. Later she bites off Thatcher's head when he suggests that the Chief shouldn't be drinking, and by NYE realizes that he does have a problem, but continues to keep it a secret. There is one good thing that comes from it: Derek and the Chief finally make amends after duking it out all season.
Bailey does her best to avoid acknowledging the holidays because she's afraid to tell her parents about her divorce. Instead, she gladly dives into work - until her father makes a surprise visit on Christmas Eve. After watching Miranda perform surgery, he delivers a way harsh speech about being ashamed of her decision to "break" her family and put work first. At Christmas dinner (with the whole Seattle Grace crew, no less), Miranda finally puts her foot down and tells her dad that she's not willing to settle for a bad relationship. Did anyone else want to slow clap, at this point? Because I did.
Mark gets a blast from the past when a buxom blonde appears at the hospital claiming to be his daughter. (I kind of love that her name is Sloan). Mark isn't exactly thrilled with feeling old, joking that "death has come to call." Lexie is also troubled by the news at first, and I couldn't blame her for slicing her finger when Mark drops the bomb that Sloan is moving in. Two months later, he hasn't made any progress, and it's clear that his daughter isn't exactly a cup of tea. Just when Mark finally gets the nerve to kick her out, Sloan reveals that she's pregnant with a baby of her own. Instead of contemplating his potential grandpa status (talk about feeling old), Mark's paternal instincts kick into gear with impeccable timing and he comforts her. Sidenote: I find it interesting that Mark handles the situation exactly how Quinn wished her parents had on Glee this week - stroking her hair, assuring her that everything would be okay.
Teddy is already coming between Cristina and Owen's relationship, even if just with pages. Still loving her new cardio god, Cristina is happy to be Teddy's bitch (as Alex calls her) and work as a team - until she catches Owen giving Teddy meaningful glances. Owen confronts Teddy and reveals that he had feelings with her when they were overseas together, and in turn Teddy confesses that she's always been in love with him. They are literally this close to kissing, but Owen says he loves Cristina and runs to her instead. Despite their passionate makeout sesh at the end of the episode, I still have an ominous feeling about Cristina's kiss with Avery (who is still giving her flack about her relationship with Owen).

What's your verdict on this week's episode? Are you sad to put Grey's aside for six weeks? Did it put you in the holiday spirit or did it all seem a bit premature? Don't forget to keep the conversation rolling in the Grey's Anatomy McAddicts group in the Buzz Community!

Ask a Bad Boy: What Can You Teach Me About Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, of BadBoysFinishFirst.com and author of the best-selling book The Manual, answers your burning questions when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back! Submit your questions here. Here's what Steve has to say this week:

The truth is, no one knows everything about relationships; no matter how many diplomas they boast or books they've written. No one is really an "expert"; it's just that some of us have way more experience and are, therefore, better at it than others - it's really that simple. The folks in this business (myself included) have to call ourselves relationship experts because the media (to which we diligently pander) needs an identifiable label for their audience. I call myself a "relationship mechanic" because I get under your hood, take a look at your engine, and can successfully fix 87 percent of the problems I see. Moreover, even I, as bad as I've been and as much experience as I've had, don't know everything; though women have taught me a great deal over the years. So what we're going to do this week is called teach the expert. You will teach and advise me. Maybe some of what you impart will be passed onto other men and therefore make the life of some woman out there that much easier!

Below you'll see my list of the top three things I've learned about women in relationships, and I want you to give me yours. Tell me the three things that guys just don't understand about women. It can be about sex, affection, understanding, your body image, or commitment - anything you want to tell me that you think I wouldn't already know by now or something you just have to get off your chest. Try not to go off on long tangents about what you hate about men, let's keep it positive. Deal?

I go first:

Making a woman feel beautiful and sexy will go a long way in making the relationship more harmonious.
When I argue with a woman, I can usually see her side of the story - even if I disagree - but she will never be able to see mine.
Women are just as naughty as men. Men don't care if everyone knows they're a pig, but women have to feel safe to let their naughty side shine. The better I've become at making a woman feel safe being her mischievous self, the more I see of the real her.

So, this week, you are the experts. Let's see what you know.

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

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You Asked: Why Are All These Guys the Same?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

All of the men I date have something in common: they all have divorced parents and a bad or strange relationship with their fathers. My friends say that since the men I date are usually brought up by strong and independent women, that maybe that is why they like me. None of these relationships have worked for me.

Should I ask about their parents' relationship before I get serious with them? Should I avoid the guys with divorced parents and bad relationships with their fathers? Is there a reason I seek these type of guys out or is it just coincidence?

--Sick of Bad Dates Dana

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Sick of Bad Dates Dana--

It's a sad fact the divorce rate in America keeps rising , so it's no wonder that many of the men you go out with have parents who are splitsville. I don't think they are seeking you out or visa versa, it's just a coincidence.

I do see your point about people who have gone through divorce or who have bad relationships with the primary male figure in their life - it can really screw up their perception of what a respectful relationship is supposed to be like, or what their role is as the man. In their defense, I have to say that growing up with this type of family situation doesn't automatically mean that they can't be in a successful and loving relationship with you.

That being said, I don't think you should mark divorced parents as a character flaw in your dating notebook, or discount people just because of their family situation. It really isn't fair to give up on people before you've given them a chance. Dating is tough and most guys are not going to be the perfect match for you -- they don't call him Mr. Right for nothing, so hang in there on the dating scene and I'm sure you'll soon find "the one."

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Ask a Bad Boy: Why Do Taken Men Still Flirt With Single Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Steve,

I can't tell you how many times I've been out some place - like a bar or a restaurant - and I'll find out the guy that's been flirting with me and my girls is either married or in a relationship, what's up with that? Why do they even bother if they can't "swing through the ball" - so to speak? I feel like I need to preface every conversation I have with a man with "wait, do you have a girlfriend?" - Perplexed Penelope

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Perplexed Penelope,

This question makes me laugh. The longer I live, the more I realize how similar men and women truly are. Boys and Girls may go about things differently and often appear to speak different languages, but in the end, we have more similarities in what we like and don't like than differences. After all, we're both human and us "beings" are almost identical. That's super good news - if you're paying attention. Moreover, women are the founding fathers - errr mothers - of the "tease" and isn't a man flirting - yet unavailable - just being a tease? You know, like when a girl walks into a bar flaunting major cleavage, a super short skirt, and playing with her hair yet doesn't have the slightest intention of having sex with any of us. Isn't Flirt Boy just doing what women have done for hundreds of years?

Teasing is one of the things men and women differ in; men can tease you by pulling your hair, but women tease on a much more visceral level, right down to the loins. Men don't tease. If we weren't so horny all the time maybe we would, but we are so we can't. Teasing implies we could actually "hold out" if you showed us you wanted to have sex. Very few of us can.

The Male Facts when it comes to flirting while in a relationship:

We do it because we enjoy the art of flirting
We do it because we're smart and know you have to keep the engine warm in case things fall apart with the current flame.
It's an ego boost when women respond
It helps us have a reality check to make sure "we still got it".
It's naughty and mischievous (obsessions any man, worth his salt, will not lose with age). It's like playing with fire because we know we have to be loyal, but it allows us to fantasize with the "what if".

The Female Solution:

Don't just talk to a man because you want a man. That's too cut and dry. Talk to him because you want to enjoy the person, enjoy the opposite sex, learn something that you can utilize when the right one comes along - Stop boyfriend/husband hunting.
See how far you can push Mr. Committed into crossing the line. It's not nice but you'll learn a lot about how good your game is and you'll be one step closer to understanding why bad girls finish first!
Enjoy the fact that you can do something us guys can't; tease. Teasing is one of those things that can define a woman; but just the right amount of sexy, too much and she's classless. The girls of Hooters have it down to a science.
Realize it's a cruel joke that most of the people we'll find ourselves attracted to will be taken. That's life. But I said it's a "joke" and jokes are meant to be laughed at, not cause anxiety.

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

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