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Say What? Police Chief Waxes Philosophical

TresSugar — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:45:00 -0700

"There is never a good time to leave, but there is a right time. It is the right time."

- Los Angeles Police Chief William J. Bratton, who made the surprising announcement yesterday that he is resigning. I find this quote very poignant. You could apply it to most any job, relationship, or other major life change. It's never easy, but sometimes, you gotta move on.

Words That Move You . . .

FitSugar — Fri, 22 May 2009 15:47:00 -0700

"If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living."
- Anatole France

Need more motivation? Check out all of my words that move you.

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You Asked: How Can I Change?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Me and my boyfriend got into a couple of bad fights last month. Actually it was more like me yelling like a crazy person and him trying to walk away. He says he does that so he won't say something he'll regret, but I take it as him not listening or not caring. We finally talked a week after our last spat, and he told me that he doesn't think it's going to work out because he's tired of trying.

Every time it gets to the point where he wants to breakup with me, I change my tune and don't sweat the small stuff. But after a couple of months go by, I get back into the routine of getting upset and flipping out. I know I need an attitude adjustment and I want to change, but I don't know how. Do you have any advice? - Want to Save My Relationship Sandra

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Want to Save my Relationship Sandra,

This isn't a healthy cycle to be in so I'm glad to hear that you want to make a change. I think acknowledging your flaws is the first step, and I know that's not an easy thing to do, so I applaud you for stepping up to the plate.

It sounds to me like you get angry easily. Try taking deep breaths and thinking through your emotions before letting your initial reaction get the best of you. If you find that that doesn't help, try to look deeper inside to see if there's something else going on that's creating this anger. It's also important that your boyfriend looks at the role he plays, as something tells me he's not just an innocent bystander.

While I understand that you want to save your relationship, I think it's important for you to make this change for yourself, not only your boyfriend. Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist might also help you sort through your emotions, but whatever route you decide to take, try to keep it all relative. Good luck to you.

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Dear Poll: Are You Good With Change?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Change makes the world go round and it enables us to grow and learn more about ourselves, but change can be terrifying for some. While I appreciate the lessons learned once the change has occurred, as a creature of habit, I have to admit that I don't handle it very well. What about you? Are you good with change?

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You Asked: Can I Trust That He's Changed?

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I was with my boyfriend for eight years; we were engaged and owned a house together. Things changed over the years, and he became a very negative and controlling boyfriend - we fought all the time. To make a long story short, I broke off the engagement and moved out. We sold the house and went our separate ways.

This past Summer, after being apart for nearly two years, we reconnected. He promised me that he has changed and that his love for me never went away. After spending some time with him, I can tell that he is in fact a changed man, and I'm really happy to be back in his life. He recently asked me to move back in with him, and after much thought, I agreed.

While I'm excited to be back together, I fear that the controlling and manipulative side of him will come out again. I love him with all my heart, but I just don't want to go through what I did before. I know I need to let go of the past and think positively toward a great future together, but I can't help it! Can a person really stay changed for the better? - Skeptical Sally

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Skeptical Sally,

It sounds like you two really love and care for each other, and if you think he's a changed man, you really have no other option but to trust his word. Being afraid of history repeating itself is a perfectly normal fear, but if you don't take a chance, you'll never know if he did in fact change his ways for the better.

To ease your anxiety, open the lines of communication, talk about your concerns, and get the answers you need to feel secure in this relationship. If you're not ready to live together just yet, see how getting back together works out first and readdress your living situation later on. Trust your instincts on this one, but if his manipulative side does in fact come out again, at least you'll know that you tried. Good luck.

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Greg Behrendt on Common Dating Mistakes

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but when it comes to dating, I see women making the same ones over and over again. I know it's hard to see clearly sometimes when you're smitten with someone, but repeating bad behavior can quickly turn into a vicious cycle.

If you're curious to see what author Greg Behrendt thinks the most common dating mistake women make is, just read more.

What are some common mistakes that women make, and why do you think they keep making them?

There’s really one big one, and that’s hoping that somebody will turn out differently than they are. I always say don’t get a fixer-upper. You can’t put a coat of paint on a person.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Has Anger Issues, Can He Change?

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:00:00 -0800

The guy I first fell for was amazingly sweet and loving. Then, after moving in together, he began to reveal a verbally abusive side of himself. He'd dish out offhanded criticisms over the smallest things, and when he was really angry (usually under the influence), his temper would fly to frightening extremes. So, even though I still loved him, I decided it best to move out.

It's been two months and while he keeps telling me how he wants to change and become a better person, he still has his moments of meanness. I don't know if he's really improving, if it's even possible for someone to really change in that way, or if the distance I've created by moving out is just keeping his anger hidden. If we moved back in, would he still be the same person? I know I don't want to be in a verbally abusive relationship down the road, so am I just wasting my time hoping that he'll change? Please help.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Do Tell: What One Thing Would You Change About Your Sex Life?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

Last weekend I asked you all to share the one thing you'd change about your relationship, and though your responses were all over the board, a few of you alluded to making changes in your sex life. Having a healthy sex life takes a lot of communication in the bedroom, so do tell, if you could change one thing about what happens behind closed doors, what would it be? And don't be shy, I'm sure your gripes aren't far off from everyone else's!

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Do Tell: What One Thing Would You Change About Your Relationship?

DearSugar — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 10:00:00 -0800

Many of you are making personal resolutions for 2009 such as losing weight, exercising more, or quitting smoking. Now is also a great time to think about your significant other and the changes you'd like to make in your relationship. I'm not talking about how you'd like to see your partner change - like you wish he'd stop leaving dirty underwear on the bathroom floor - I'm talking about a change you'd like to make as a couple. Maybe you want to have more morning sex, or you'd like to finally move in together; whatever it is, every relationship can benefit and become stronger from a little change, so share your thoughts below.

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Do Tell: What Adjustments Did You Make to Start Off '09?

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:00:00 -0800

Starting the new year off on the right foot doesn't have to be about New Year's resolutions - it can be taking a new route to work, joining a book club, or carrying a new purse - anything to break the monotony of 2008. I started '09 with a new hair cut so do tell, what personal adjustments did you make to start 2009 off with a bang?

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