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Grey's Anatomy Rundown, "Holidaze"

BuzzSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

As evidenced in my holiday TV sneak peek, this week's episode of Grey's Anatomy puts the doctors on a fast track that starts on Thanksgiving eve and runs through New Year's Eve. As we all know by now, the Seattle Grace surgeons aren't always big on merriment, but the holidays are always the perfect time to bring out the truth in feelings and relationships.

Meredith bonds with the Chief while Mark learns that he has a teenage daughter. Bailey has a confrontation with her father and Teddy and Owen's sexual tension comes to a head. To read all about it, just read more.

As the episode opens, the Chief is trying to justify his drinking to Meredith - explaining that his alcoholism was "misdiagnosed" and that he was actually suffering from situational depression. (Um, right.) It's unclear whether Mere takes his word for it because she believes him or feels like she has to, but she accepts his mentorship. Later she bites off Thatcher's head when he suggests that the Chief shouldn't be drinking, and by NYE realizes that he does have a problem, but continues to keep it a secret. There is one good thing that comes from it: Derek and the Chief finally make amends after duking it out all season.
Bailey does her best to avoid acknowledging the holidays because she's afraid to tell her parents about her divorce. Instead, she gladly dives into work - until her father makes a surprise visit on Christmas Eve. After watching Miranda perform surgery, he delivers a way harsh speech about being ashamed of her decision to "break" her family and put work first. At Christmas dinner (with the whole Seattle Grace crew, no less), Miranda finally puts her foot down and tells her dad that she's not willing to settle for a bad relationship. Did anyone else want to slow clap, at this point? Because I did.
Mark gets a blast from the past when a buxom blonde appears at the hospital claiming to be his daughter. (I kind of love that her name is Sloan). Mark isn't exactly thrilled with feeling old, joking that "death has come to call." Lexie is also troubled by the news at first, and I couldn't blame her for slicing her finger when Mark drops the bomb that Sloan is moving in. Two months later, he hasn't made any progress, and it's clear that his daughter isn't exactly a cup of tea. Just when Mark finally gets the nerve to kick her out, Sloan reveals that she's pregnant with a baby of her own. Instead of contemplating his potential grandpa status (talk about feeling old), Mark's paternal instincts kick into gear with impeccable timing and he comforts her. Sidenote: I find it interesting that Mark handles the situation exactly how Quinn wished her parents had on Glee this week - stroking her hair, assuring her that everything would be okay.
Teddy is already coming between Cristina and Owen's relationship, even if just with pages. Still loving her new cardio god, Cristina is happy to be Teddy's bitch (as Alex calls her) and work as a team - until she catches Owen giving Teddy meaningful glances. Owen confronts Teddy and reveals that he had feelings with her when they were overseas together, and in turn Teddy confesses that she's always been in love with him. They are literally this close to kissing, but Owen says he loves Cristina and runs to her instead. Despite their passionate makeout sesh at the end of the episode, I still have an ominous feeling about Cristina's kiss with Avery (who is still giving her flack about her relationship with Owen).

What's your verdict on this week's episode? Are you sad to put Grey's aside for six weeks? Did it put you in the holiday spirit or did it all seem a bit premature? Don't forget to keep the conversation rolling in the Grey's Anatomy McAddicts group in the Buzz Community!

Yoga Unites the Mind, Body, and Spirit

Fit Community — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:30:08 -0800

Barefoot chick from our Yoga Stretch and Tell community group wants to know what the practice of yoga means to you, and posted this:

I know most people do yoga to relax and tone their body and I think that is wonderful just of itself. But yoga [as defined in Sanskrit, the language of origin] actually means a union of mind, body, and spirit.

Besides the health and physical benefits does anyone also get into the spiritual aspect of yoga, or the meditative component of clearing your mind of thought? If you incorporate the spiritual dimension into your yoga or would like to talk about that part of the total yoga experience, I would enjoy hearing from you.

Have any questions or stories about yoga that you want to share? Join our Yoga Stretch and Tell community group and join the conversation! If you don't practice yoga, be sure to take a look at our other community groups - there's something for everyone.

With Teen Obesity, Inactivity Is Only Part of the Problem

FitSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:32:46 -0800

I panic every time I see another "exercise doesn't work!" story - until I read between the lines and learn once again that exercise is a good thing. On the heels of its conversation-starting cover story on the exercise "myth," Time is tackling a new study of teen obesity that claims inactivity is only partly to blame for heavier kids.

Obesity rates in teenagers have triple between 1976 and 2004, with lack of exercise the suspected culprit. But a new report published in Obesity Reviews says that physical activity levels among teens have actually stayed fairly steady. So does that mean that exercise doesn't matter? Hardly, so read more.

Unfortunately, this latest study only looked at activity levels, not eating habits, and the participants were self-reporting on their own habits, which can lead to unreliable data. These figures merely suggest that the increase in teen obesity can't be explained away by teens' lack of exercise, according to Dr. Youfa Wang, the lead author of the study. Here's more:

So does this mean that exercise isn't important in controlling weight? As tempting as that conclusion might be, Wang and other health experts say that's not exactly what the new data show. . . . While exercise may not contribute directly to weight loss, it is critical for maintaining a healthy weight, since it helps calibrate the balance between energy taken in and energy burned off. "The data is too gross, and too general, to assume that [exercise doesn't count]," warns Dr. Janet Walberg Rankin, a professor in the department of human nutrition, foods, and exercise at Virginia Tech. "We need to have a dual approach to weight involving both activity and diet. I would hate for people to take away from this study that activity has nothing to do with weight."

Phew! Thanks, doc. I also hope that's not what people take away from this study. In fact, to me, it says the opposite. If teen obesity is going up because teens have increased their calorie intake without increasing their activity levels, then that seems to say pretty clearly that exercise does make a difference. Do you agree?

Freaky or Fabulous? Clear Converse All Stars

FabSugarUK — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

One of my close friends has a big foot phobia so I can feel her squirming at the very idea of trainers that show off your feet. This Autumn (bad timing?) Converse have released a pair of All Stars which combine jelly beach shoes and their classic trainer. The Ox clear shoe (£39.99) has a thick white sole and could potentially be customised to which ever colour your socks are! Personally I think they look like more of a summer shoe but I like the various colour potentials and I'm sure they'd be waterproof! What do you think?

Safety Steps: Running in the Dark

FitSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:30:53 -0800

The end of daylight saving time means that many of us will be running in the dark. For safety reasons, try going on a morning run instead. Wake up at the same time you did during DST and use that "extra" hour for an outdoor run.

If running at night is unavoidable, make sure to follow these tips to protect yourself in the dark:

Make sure others can see you. Make yourself visible to drivers, cyclists, pedestrians, and other runners by wearing bright colors and reflective gear. For extra caution, wear a headlamp or attach blinking bike lights to your clothing.
Run in familiar, well-lit areas. Running a familiar route may protect you from unseen bumps or potholes. To ensure a clear running path, find an area that is lit by streetlamps or hit up an outdoor track.
Be aware. Because running at night cuts down on your line of sight, you want to make sure you can hear clearly - run without an iPod, MP3 player, or Walkman. Make eye contact to alert those around you of your presence. This is especially important to do with drivers when you're crossing the street.

For more safety tips, read more.

Carry a cell phone and ID. Keep a cell phone with you in the event of an emergency, and always carry identification in case you sustain an injury.
Run with a buddy. There's safety in numbers, so always try and run with a buddy. You'll be more visible and can rely on one another if something goes wrong. If you do run alone, make sure to tell someone the route you're running and around what time you'll be back.
Run against traffic. You have a better chance of seeing cars and drivers have a better chance of seeing you.
Change up your routine. Run a few different routes and at different times through the week. Potential attackers may catch on to routines.

Do you have any running tips to share? Join our RunningSugar community and be part of the conversation.

Hump Day: I Feel Used When I Have Sex With the Man I Love

TresSugar — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"After five years of being apart, I'm now re-dating my high school sweetheart whom I love. We lost our virginities to each other, and even during those five years we continued to have sex every now and then when we were single and managed to see each other. (We went to colleges in different cities.)

Now that we are together again, we've decided to wait a while before we have sex, but that does not mean that I don't find him attractive or that I don't sometimes just want to rip off his clothes. The problem is that one of the last times we had sex (about a year before we officially reconnected), I felt like a prostitute. I don't exactly know why, I just felt used afterwards and it was not enjoyable to me at all. I think part of the reason I say 'prostitute' is because he kept making me change positions and just seemed really into it for himself. I love him and I know that he loves me, but I think I'm having trouble getting over that experience. Even now, he will ask me to dress up for him so he can masturbate, which, as his girlfriend, I would normally be happy to do, but I just get that 'used' feeling again. I feel like a piece of meat, or just an object.

Of course he senses my change in happiness and it ruins the mood. I don't know exactly why I started feeling this way and I don't know how to get over it. I'm so afraid that once we start having sex, I will continue to feel this way. What's wrong with me? Please help!"

To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more
First thing: there is nothing wrong with you or how you’re feeling. Whatever is going on for him, whatever his intentions or motivations, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. There’s a big difference between having uncomfortable feelings and having something be wrong with you.

Second thing: trust how you feel about this. Something in this situation doesn’t feel right to you, and whether that’s about him, you, or the two of you together, your feelings are there to tell you something important. Unfortunately, they don’t always give you a lot of useful information, but they are valuable for making sure that you know that something is going on. In my experience, the best thing to do is listen to that and try to figure out what those feelings are trying to tell you.

It sounds like you have some unresolved feelings from that first experience of feeling like he was using you. When old feelings linger, they can affect how we feel about present-day experiences. Sometimes, that’s because the current situation is a lot like the past one, and at other times, it’s because we project those emotions onto the present even when the circumstances are very different. Either way, the best approach is to create space to talk about them and figure out what you need. I strongly suggest having that conversation with him when you’re not in the middle of the emotion because that makes it easier to talk about what’s going on without getting lost in the feelings.

Since you said that you’re not sure what it was that made that so uncomfortable for you, here are a few questions that might be worth exploring:

What was it about that first time that felt uncomfortable for you? When he was into changing positions so much, what about that made you feel used? Was it how he did it? Something he was saying? If he had said or done something differently, would that have made it better for you? The more you’re able to answer questions like these, the easier it’ll be to talk about your experiences.

Also, I’m not quite clear from how you phrased it, but when he asks you to dress up for him while he masturbates, do you do that? In my book, that counts as sex and I’m wondering how that fits into your mutual decision to hold off on sex. I can totally see how a request like that could trigger that “used” feeling if the two of you are supposed to be waiting. If it feels to you like he’s pushing your boundaries or trying to get you to do something beyond your comfort zone, one of the best things you can do is tell him that you don’t want to do that. If he persists, that’s a big warning sign to end things.

It would be really easy in this sort of situation to imagine all sorts of reasons why he’s acting like this. And while any of those guesses might be accurate to some degree, I want to caution you to try to not jump to conclusions. For example, some possible things that might be prompting him to act like this could be:

Maybe he’s gotten interested in experimenting different ways of having sex and doesn’t know how to start the conversation with you about it, so he’s just going for it. Maybe he’s gotten into porn and is trying to act out what he’s seen on the screen. Maybe he wants to explore some fantasies, his or yours, and hopes that you’ll reciprocate with your ideas. Maybe he’s clueless about how these situations feel to you and thinks that you’re enjoying it as much as he does, at least until it’s obvious that you don’t. Maybe he’s being selfish about your sexual interactions. Maybe he’s hoping that you’ll speak up with ideas of things to do.

Of course, there’s no way to be sure what actually is going on for him unless you ask (and he’s willing to tell you). The longer these things build up, the bigger they get. So as challenging as it may seem to talk about it with him, it’ll be a lot easier if you do it sooner rather than waiting. Take some time to tell him how you’ve been feeling. Find out what his intentions were. Trust your feelings and keep your boundaries solid.

I know that’s all pretty vague and I wish I could give you some more concrete suggestions. But there are too many possibilities for me to be able to steer you more than that. This sounds like a really hard time for you and whatever you decide to do and however things work out, I hope you find the support that you deserve.

And no matter how you feel, there is nothing wrong with you.

2010 Spring New York Fashion Week: Peter Som

FabSugar — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:00:22 -0700

If I were to pick one collection from this Fashion Week that best represents Fab, it would be Peter Som. Seriously, I didn't want to leave this presentation; alas, I had to go to Marchesa . . . life is rough. Som has clearly moved past his turbulent Bill Blass past, fully opening his heart to his namesake. Som's Spring collection made me feel like a kid in a candy store. It was fresh, colorful, funky, youthful. There was so much spunk, it was probably overwhelming for the most pro-black jaded fashionista. Or, hopefully, it was eye-opening.

In every direction there was flirtation. There was a slight American feel via marine-stripes, sundresses, charm bracelets, and red, white and blue. You hear me talk about mixmastering - Som continues the conversation. A hodgepodge of colors and textures were swirled together; leopard, splash florals, embroidery, polka-dots, herringbone. Even woven belts were two-tone, sunglasses marbelized. The emphasis was on separates, and fun, lots and lots of fun.

For more fab-u-lous Peter Som, read more.

View 26 Photos ›

Don't forget to check out all of our New York Fashion Week coverage and follow my Fashion Week adventures on Twitter!

7 Experts Give Job Search Advice in 100 Words or Less

SavvySugar — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:30:46 -0700

Professional advice is often unaffordable to those who need it most, like people looking for work. CNN Money rounded up a group of career coaches and requested their best advice for job seekers, and asked they keep their words of wisdom to 100 words at most. Get advice from seven experts - best of all, it's free.

"The single, most important thing people can do now to control their career destiny is to get crystal clear on the value they offer to prospective employers. Once this is accomplished, the next priority is to learn how to articulate this value, along with the tangible results they can produce." - Ford Myers
"Treat your job search like a full-time job. Work at it 35-40 hours a week for optimal results." - Barbara Safani
"It's not the most qualified that gets the job; it's the one who knows best how to market the qualifications he or she has." - Dan King

Get more job search advice when you read more.

"Never EVER apply for a job again without first getting an employee in that firm you've targeted to "refer" you." - Gerry Crispin
"Finding and applying for a job is complicated - that means you must study each lead and customize each application very carefully; lots of jobs are available but apply right." - John O'Connor
"Instead of saying 'I'm so great in xyz career and you should hire me,' good networkers say 'I have been really interested in xyz career, and have been setting up conversations with people to learn more about what's new in the field.'" - Kathy Robinson
"Never take your career for granted. You should be constantly updating your skills and keeping your network viable." - Cheryl Palmer

Hump Day: Is My Boyfriend a Sex Addict?

TresSugar — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's new sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for six months, and I’ve started feeling funny about the quality of our sex. At the beginning, sex was fantastic between us. We both have high sex drives, are creative in bed, and I think we both felt that we’d found our sexual soul mate.

Lately though, I’m feeling more and more objectified by him. He texts overly sexual things to me. (That’s fine, but how about an “I miss you!” every once in a while!) He wants to do rougher things, and although I don’t mind that and even find it a turn on, I'm beginning to feel less like a partner to him and more like an object. I know he’s really into porn, he masturbates a lot, has had lots of casual flings in the past and I’m beginning to wonder if he’s a sex addict.

What are the signs? What should I do? I care about him, but I am feeling suspicious that he no longer sees me as an equal, and I wonder if, with his insatiable appetite, he might even cheat on me. I know he’s done it in the past. Help! To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Dr. Glickman's Answer:

First thing - good for you for listening to your intuition and your feelings on this. A lot of people ignore or don’t listen to those early warning signs, and that often leads to a worse situation. It’s important to pay attention to them when they first show up and I’m glad you did.

I hear the term “sex addict” used a lot. To be honest, there isn’t any consensus among therapists or sexologists about what it means and there is still a lot of debate about whether someone can be addicted to sex in the way that someone can be addicted to drugs, with all of the physiological effects that can have. At the same time, it seems pretty clear to me that some people have sexual compulsions that they have difficulty controlling or working with.

Now, maybe most people outside the sexology or therapy worlds don’t really care about the difference between sex addiction and compulsion. But I think it’s important to not throw the “addict” label at people (not that I’m suggesting that you’re doing that) because it can be really triggering. In my experience, it tends to create a lot of shame and judgment on top of whatever difficult feelings someone may have because of their actions. Of course, if someone wants to use the word to describe themselves, that’s fine. It’s about self-definition, after all.

Leaving aside the question of whether your boyfriend is a sex addict, I think that the place to start is the fact that you’re not getting what you want. From what you say, it sounds like you enjoy some of the same things, which can be helpful. But if you want sweetness and loving moments mixed in with the rough and tumble, that’s a totally fine thing to ask for. Have you spoken with him about that? If so, has he been open to hearing that? And what have the two of you agreed to do? If you haven’t raised this topic with him, why is that? What could make it easier for you to talk with him about it?

Along those lines, what about the non-sexual parts of your relationship? Are you getting your needs and desires met? Does this pattern extend into those realms, too? If he’s open to talking with you and finding ways to support your relationship, great! That’s a good starting point for working through how things are for your sexual connection. But if he’s not open to that in other arenas, that’s probably a good reason to reconsider whether being “sexual soul mates” is enough of a foundation for a relationship.

Assuming that you two are both willing to work on this together, there are a few directions that you could take things.

One of the challenges that can arise when someone explores some of their sexual desires is that it can cause a disconnection from their partner, especially if they go through a phase of wanting to focus on a particular set of fantasies to the exclusion of other ways of being sexual. I’ve seen people fall into those patterns when exploring many different sexual practices, although it seems to be especially likely when rougher sex is on the menu. I’m not aware of any research on the topic, but my sense is that for some people, the heightened intensity of the interaction can make it easy to get lost in the fantasy and hard to stay present and focused on the real life person they’re with. So finding ways to connect in other ways, such as sweet text messages or more romantic sex can be a big help.

You might want to take a vacation from the rougher sex for a while, at least until you can reconnect in other ways. Being able to ask for the types of connection that work for you can be a big help. I like the book The Five Love Languages for that. The author describes five basic ways of giving and receiving love and care (words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch). He also talks about how we tend to have our preferred method and that we often get into conflict because we’re using different languages, not because we don’t care for our partners. It’s a good read, although I personally don’t care for his biblical approach and had to filter that out. You can get the basic idea on this page of his website without getting into his particular religious perspective, if that works better for you.

It could also be worth talking with your boyfriend about why he wants to have rough sex. For that matter, you might also get a lot out of exploring what your motivations are, too. There are many different reasons people enjoy any type of sex and having a clear understanding of what yours and his are could be really helpful for both of you. If you’re clear about what you want to get out of it, you’ll be much more likely to be able to create the connection that you desire. If you go that route, I strongly suggest not having that conversation during or after sex. Set some time aside for it when you’re both feeling relaxed and ready.

Finally, if none of that works for you and things don’t change, or if he’s not open to talking about it, that may be a sign that things really aren’t going to change. Take a good look at the situation and listen to your feelings. (It sounds like you’ve already been doing that.) I think that whether your boyfriend is a sex addict is less important than whether he’s able and willing to sit down with you and talk about your relationship, and whether the two of you are able to engage in the give-and-take that all successful relationships need.

(Remember, if you have questions for Dr. Glickman, send them to TrèsSugar and we'll pass them along!)

Is There a Male vs. Female Social Divide at Your Workplace?

SavvySugar — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 08:30:49 -0700

As respectful human resource-fearing employees, we're expected (even required) to behave like consummate professionals and steer clear of inappropriate behavior at the workplace - whether with our gender or the opposite. I have found boardrooms have the power to hold up a PC standard that is unparalleled elsewhere in life: everyone working for a shared goal with little room for humor, silly antics, innuendo, or the social lubricants we use in casual conversation, dating, and non-professional human interaction.

But let's face it: boys will be boys, and girls will be girls. Do your co-workers separate into male vs. female groups and dialogue when it comes to socializing, or do you split up based on factors like departments, age, and title?