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Tech Dating 101: Changing Your Relationship Status

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Spring has sprung, and it's not only the time for budding flowers and April showers, it's the time of budding romances too! But with so much new technology out there, the art of dating has become more complicated than ever - we can totally feel Drew Barrymore's pain in He's Just Not That Into You when she laments about having to keep up with several different technologies just to get rejected.

So in the face of this uncharted territory, geeksugar and DearSugar are teaming up to bring you a series about love and the technologies that connect us called Tech Dating 101. We'll answer some of the burning questions you might have about both subjects, like our first question this week:

How long should I wait to change my status from "Single" to "In a Relationship" after I begin dating someone?

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Oh how I wish there was a concrete answer for this one, because I get asked this all the time. But as you know, all relationships progress at different speeds, so you really have to look at it on a case-by-case basis. If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship, I don't think you should think twice about changing your status, but before making any announcements to the world wide web, be sure you and your love interest are on the same page. If you're both willing to make the change, do it together and consider it another step in the right direction. Just make sure you're confident in the future of your relationship, as it could be rather embarrassing to have to change your status back to "single" a few weeks later.

If your guy is not willing to let go of his single status, however, you might want to reevaluate the relationship. I'd take his hesitation as a telltale sign that he's either not ready to make a commitment to you, or he's not willing to expose your relationship to his family and friends.

While this seems like a simple task, I do understand what a big step this is. At the end of the day, you're going to have to communicate with your partner and do whatever feels right for you and your relationship. Or, you could always take the easy way out and leave your relationship status blank!

To find out what geek has to say about relationship status, and how to tell from your tech habits if you're officially taken, head on over to geeksugar.

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You Asked: His Libido Is Too Much For Me!

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend loves giving me oral sex. It's gotten to the point where he's like obsessed with it, and while I love him and thoroughly enjoy being intimate with him, I don't want oral sex everyday of my life! He actually got mad at me once because I told him no - I just wasn't in the mood for anything sexual - and he pouted the entire night. How do I make him understand that it's not just about what he wants without hurting his feelings or giving him the wrong impression? - Not on the Same Page Penny

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Not on the Same Page Penny,

While some women complain that they don't get enough sex, I hear you when you say that oral sex everyday is just a bit much! Clearly you two need to communicate your needs and desires because it sounds like you're on two different pages here. Sex is a great way to deepen your connection and share love with one another, but there are many other ways to experience that same kind of connectedness.

Talking about sex can be very intimating so be mindful of how you approach the subject. Make sure to touch upon the positives, reiterate how you feel about him, but also explain your desire to make sex special, not just something to cross off your daily checklist. Hopefully after a good heart to heart, you'll be able to set some new boundaries so you both can be happy and sexually satisfied. Good luck!

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You Asked: Is He Interested or Not?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm just getting back into the dating scene after being in a four-year relationship. I met a new guy about a month ago, but we've only been on a handful of dates. He's intelligent, funny, attractive, we have very similar personalities and we always have a great time together. The only thing is I'm not sure if he likes me. He says he does, but what causes me to question him is his sporadic contact with me. We'll go on dates and then not talk for days in between. I really like him but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is not reliable. Should I give it time, or should I erase his number from my phone book? - Frustrated Fife

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Frustrated Fife,

Dating someone who is inconsistent or on a different time line than you can be incredibly frustrating, but it doesn't mean that he's not interested in you. The only way to know how he feels is by asking him, and although you're still in the early stages of dating, I think it's completely reasonable to let him know that you need a little more consistency in order to feel secure in this relationship. If he's not willing to give you what you need, he may just not be ready for a commitment, but if he does give you the confidence you're looking for, I think you should give it some more time. Since you haven't defined your relationship, perhaps this talk is exactly what you both need in order to step things up a few notches. Good luck.

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You Asked: His Honesty Hurt Me

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My fiance and I are having some issues in the bedroom. We always agreed to be open and honest about sex since we both want to be equally satisfied, and he recently shared a fantasy with me regarding bringing another woman into bed with us. I know this is a common fantasy men have, but at this point, I don't feel comfortable going along with it. After I told him that my answer was no, he went on to talk about other things he would like me to do. While I want him to be open with me, I felt that the way he was communicating was meant to make me feel badly about myself. He kept saying, "Instead of doing what you normally do, do x, y and z." It hurt my feelings and I responded as if it did. He went on to say that I was making him feel like it wasn't OK to be honest, so am I being too sensitive, or should he have suggested his needs differently? - Shut Down Debbie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Shut Down Debbie,

It sounds to me like you think your husband is punishing you somehow for turning down his threesome proposal, and while I can't hear the tone is his voice, I bet he was simply being honest with you in order to make your sex life as enjoyable as possible. As we all know, the truth can hurt sometimes, especially when you feel targeted, so talk to your finance about his delivery. I'm sure it was just a coincidence that this conversation took place after your previous conversation, but if you still feel like he was being unfair, simply ask him to talk to you in a more supportive tone.

Talking about sex can be very unnerving, and it can take some trial and error before you're completely comfortable broaching the subject, but I commend you both for taking the initiative to keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully once you move past this bump in the road, you'll be able to understand how to ask for what you both want without hurting each other's feelings.

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Greg Behrendt on Technology and Dating

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:30:00 -0800

It seems that most of you rely on text messaging when it comes to communicating with your love interest, but according to Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That Into You, we can call the shots on how to communicate with our crushes. To see what he has to say about the role technology plays in the dating game, read more.

How do you feel about the role technology plays in dating these days?

I think that in your life you have standards for what you will or will not tolerate, what works for you. If you're comfortable having an entire relationship on text, that's up to you, but you basically teach people how to treat you. If you want a phone call, ask for a phone call and accept nothing less. You want to see somebody in person? Let them know. The great thing is, it's expanded the way we communicate. You know, sometimes when I'm doing something like this, I can check in and shoot my wife an email or a text and say "Hey, I love you, just letting you know. Busy, can't really call right now." But if I did that all the time, it would be problematic.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

You Asked: I'm Feeling Second Best

DearSugar — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a few months. We were friends and co-workers for a few months before he asked me out, and everything has been amazing so far. However recently, I started noticing changes in his behavior and things have been a little rocky between us. He seems to have less and less time for me and I feel as if I've been bumped to number three or four on his list of priorities. He is a wonderful man and I know I can trust him completely, but I just don’t know what to do when I feel as if he's lost interest in me.

I have spoken to him about this in the past, but it always leads to fights (I have a tendency to get emotional and blame him), which is why he now shuts down completely when I even broach the subject. I am very afraid of losing him and I don’t know if this is a big issue or if I am just making it one. Please help. - Second Best Sadie

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Second Best Sadie,

Feelings fluctuate in all relationships and it's very easy to read too much into them, but you're not making a big deal out of this if his actions are hurting your feelings or making you doubt your relationship. It sounds like the honeymoon period is over but that shouldn't automatically make you his third or fourth priority. Since you're taking that as a sign that he's losing interest, I'd talk to him ASAP. You know you can be emotional so try to be as matter of fact as you can. You don't want to smother him, but you need to find out where he stands in this relationship so you have a fair understanding of his expectations, and vice versa.

Keep the lines of communication open and hopefully with a good old heart to heart, you and your boyfriend will be able to get your relationship back on track. Good luck.

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You Asked: Technology Is Ruining Our Relationship - Help!

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and I have increasingly noticed that he can't seem to get off the Internet, Facebook, his cell phone, or AIM. Don't get me wrong: I also enjoy these social outlets, but I know when to give my boyfriend attention. Some days are technology-free, but other times, we are often interrupted by text messages or Facebook notifications that come to his phone. I've tried to bring this up and he always tells me that he needs to keep in touch with his friends, but I find it hard to believe that he has to be connected 24/7. I'm beginning to think that this relationship is doomed by technology. Any advice? - Feeling Second Best Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Feeling Second Best Bianca,

I happen to think we are all a little too reliant on staying connected - I'm guilty of this myself - but the only way to break the habit is to make a conscious effort to change. Having technology-free days is a great start, but if you're feeling like this habit of his could actually ruin your relationship, talking with him about it and explaining your side is crucial. Keeping in touch with friends is important, but see if you can't agree on a middle ground - no phone or computer after a certain hour or no phone or computer while you're spending quality time together (especially in the bedroom!). If he agrees to an understanding like that, you have to give a little too and let him have free reign during those non-off-limit times.

Hopefully he'll be able to see how his actions are affecting you and your relationship before it's too late. Good luck.

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Dear Poll: Do You Feel Comfortable Asking For What You Want?

DearSugar — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:00:00 -0800

The only way to get what you want is to ask for it, but when sexpert Dr. Laura Berman explains her second tip for living your best sex life on Oprah.com, she makes it seem a lot easier said than done.

Talking about sex, your body parts, his body parts, and what feels good can be incredibly intimidating for a lot of people, including myself from time to time. Not only can it be difficult to talk explicitly about what turns you on, but it's easy for the other person to become insecure if they don't think they're already pleasing you in that way. Communication is crucial in every relationship but tell me, do you feel comfortable asking your partner for what you want in the bedroom?

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You Asked: Was Moving In a Bad Idea?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm 25 years old and currently living with my boyfriend of four months. He recently moved to Ohio from California, which is why we co-habitated so quickly. Things are great, we are very happy and I believe he is the one. This is my first time living with a boyfriend, so I have a lot of questions. First off, is it normal for us to not have sex as often as we did before I moved in? I also seem to be getting uptight about the smallest things. I often find myself doubting our relationship if he forgets to kiss me before he leaves the house or if he doesn't seem excited to see me when he gets home.
My friends have been telling me it's because we now live together and that drastically changes a relationship but I just need some help and advice on how to ease into this change. How do I stay sane and in love all while living together and adjusting? - Acclimating Annie

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Acclimating Annie,

You said it right, you're still adjusting to living together so before you get too carried away, I think you should take a step back and look at things realistically. Yes, there's an acclimation period you should take into account, but if you're feeling more distant from him than you were when you were living apart, it's time to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend. Since he knows you'll be home when he gets there, I bet he doesn't realize how you feel when he forgets to kiss you goodbye - so tell him! If you're nit picking about the small stuff, talk about your frustrations out-loud so he knows what he needs to do differently. I also suggest setting some house rules around chores, having people over, coming home late, cooking, paying the bills, etc. It's important to have set expectations so feelings don't get hurt.

As for the lack of sex in your relationship - I can't say if that's due to the move in, but if you feel something's missing, make sure intimacy is a top priority for both of you. Create more romance or set dates if you have to. Since you now have a roommate who is also your lover, it's more important than ever to keep the lines of communication open - it's what will make this living situation and relationship flourish.

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Relationship Protocol: Are You Always in Touch?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:13:40 -0800

Even if they're living under the same roof or have plans to meet up after work, I know many couples that still touch base multiple times throughout the day. I think it's really sweet, but communication overload can be irritating for friends and co-workers when the incessant phone calls become disruptive. When I'm in a relationship, I like to share all the excitement of my day with him in person, but what about you? Are you and your significant other in touch throughout the day? And if so, how often do you typically talk?

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