PopSugar

Having Trouble Sleeping? Your Partner Could Be to Blame

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 11:00:00 -0800

Getting a good night's sleep doesn't come easily for all, especially if you sleep next to a bed hog or a snorer, but new research shows that the remedy for catching those much needed zzz's is sleeping next to the right partner.

A study conducted at the University of Pittsburgh discovered that women who are happily married or coupled up have less trouble sleeping than their single, unattached peers; and you might be surprised to know that caffeine, the amount of sex they had, stress, and alcohol consumption had little impact on this study. Wendy Troxel, an associate professor of psychiatry who worked on this study, explained:

The results showed that even after taking into account all of these factors that are known to influence sleep, the level of marital happiness emerged as an independent risk factor for the existence of sleep disturbances.

Whatever your relationship status may be, tell me, do these findings ring true to you?

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Group Therapy: Am I a Green-Eyed Monster?

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

I have been in a serious, monogamous relationship for nearly seven months. Both of us are very much in love, and I have been looking forward to our first holiday season together. For Christmas, he gave me a beautiful paper star lamp that hangs from the ceiling, which I had pointed out to him while shopping this Fall. However, this Summer his ex-girlfriend - whom he dated for five years - gave him back the necklace he gave her for their first Christmas which was a beautiful, ornate, heavy silver choker which probably cost around $150, whereas my gift cost about $25. I'm not really what you would call "materialistic," and the lamp itself is a nice gift, but I often have issues with their still-close relationship and the difference between the two gifts makes it seem as though he values me less, or thinks of our relationship as less of an "investment" than theirs.

I know this Christmas is less grand for everyone this year, but he has a job that is relatively unaffected by the recession. I spent around a $100 on him, and I'm a student! He's older, has a job and a house and money to spend on luxuries. Should I tell him he's offended me? Or just let it go? I don't want to sound like a brat, but she got a beautiful, sentimental gift, and I got a house-warming present! I feel like I'm always "second best."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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What's Your Advice For Getting a Loved One to Shape Up?

FitSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:30:00 -0700

You guys are full of great advice and I recently received a question that I thought you would be able to help out with. As they say, two heads are better than one. Here's the question:

"I'm a newlywed and I am concerned for my husband's long-term health. I truly love this man and I want him to be around as long as possible, but he eats like crap and doesn't exercise. I want to try and help him eat better and exercise, but I don't want him to think I am criticizing his appearance (he's not overweight at all) or nagging him. How should I handle it? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?"
- Worried Wife

A lot of people face this problem, if not a husband then a best friend, boyfriend, mother, etc. and I think that one of the best things you can do is to make sure that you are acting as a healthy role model for him. Being critical will get you (and him) nowhere, but inviting your hubby to take a "romantic" stroll after dinner could help in more ways than one.

But that is just my two cents. I am sure you guys have great advice on how to help. Share your advice in the comments section below.

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You Asked: I'm Not a Fan of His Career Choice

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend is about to own a bar, but we have different views about what that entails. He thinks it's just a place to hang out and de-stress, and he is spending a lot of time trying to plan events. I think owning a bar is providing people with alcohol and taking their money without giving them something good in return. We almost broke up over it and he said that he can't be with someone who doesn't support his career. Everything else with us is great except his job situation so we decided to wait and see how things go. Do you have any advice as to where to go from here?

- Bar Blues Betsey

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Bar Blues Betsey,

Going the entrepreneurial route and opening any business is always a risk. Even if you have a perfectly defined business plan that doesn't mean it's going to work out the way you think it will. And often, the plan has to change along the way. Your boyfriend has a vision for his bar, and I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to make that happen. As far as your differing views about what a bar should be, I think there's a place for both of them.

Obviously to make money, a bar needs to sell drinks, but to get people there and keep them there, it might need a bit more oomph, which is what your boyfriend is looking to achieve. I think the solution is to support his ideas, while also reminding him that a profitable business needs a successful business plan. By telling him you think he's wrong, you're only closing him off from your very legitimate concerns.

As far as your relationship goes, I think there might be more going on here that you guys need to work out. Are you worried that he's going to fail? If so, what does this failure really mean for you and your relationship? I think answering these questions may help you get to the root of your feelings and determine the right way to move forward. I assure you that once the business gets going, things are only going to get more stressful so now is the time to figure out if this is something you can live with or not.

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What You Should Know About Premature Ejaculation

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week the BBC noted the results of a recent study suggesting that premature ejaculation, long thought to be a psychological disorder, may actually be genetic. According to the article, the men in the study who suffered from premature ejaculation had a variation of the gene that regulates serotonin levels - the hormone that controls, among other things, mood, appetite, and the speed at which ejaculation occurs.

And while this information will eventually help researchers create an effective treatment, for now there is no medication, leaving many couples searching for solutions to something that is often a serious detriment to a satisfying sex life. The good news is that there are some techniques to help men learn to slow their ejaculation. To see them just read more.

The "stop and start" method - Use sexual stimulation to bring a man just until he's about to ejaculate. Then stop stimulation for 30 seconds, after which you should resume. Repeat this on-and-off stimulation until the man is ready to ejaculate.
The "squeeze" method - Like the previous technique, use sexual stimulation until just prior to ejaculation. At that point, instead of simply stopping all touch, the end of his penis should be gently squeezed. After 30 seconds, release and continue stimulation. Repeat as desired.
Certain antidepressants can also be used to help because of their connection with serotonin.
For a topical treatment, try desensitizing creams. Likewise, a condom can also act in the same way.

Dear's Advice: While many men are embarrassed by this affliction, it's quite common. If you're dealing with this in your own relationship, ask your significant other to talk to his doctor about his options. No matter what, avoid resentment; instead, work together to make sure feelings of inadequacy stay out of the bedroom.

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Can You Be Too Intimate?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Intimacy is a relationship necessity, but is there such a thing as too much intimacy? This is something I consistently debate with my girlfriends, which is why I was so glad to see it broached by Jake of Married Jake, one of Glamour's love and sex blogs.

Jake was confounded when his new wife asked him not to pee in front of her anymore. Her rationale is that now that they're in it for the long haul, they need to actually try and maintain the mystery. Certainly, the longevity of a serious relationship can allow people to get too comfortable, but once you've hit a certain level of intimacy, I'm not sure it's possible to just go back.

Instead, I'd recommend embracing your established level of familiarity but throw in an element of surprise. Develop that closeness in a new context - go on a trip or try playing out a sexual fantasy. I suppose this means I'm all for intimacy - though of course I think privacy, personal space, and alone time are important too - but what do you all think? Like Jake's wife thinks, is it possible to be too intimate? And if so, how do you maintain the mystery?

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Group Therapy: Are My Feelings Normal?

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend for about four years now, since I was about 16. I moved away to go to college three years ago and though it's been tough, I have always been fairly happy in my relationship. However, lately I've been starting to feel really bored with him. I find myself looking or thinking about other guys more and fantasizing about my boyfriend less. My thoughts started to change when I got my first interview for a post-graduate job. Since then I have really been thinking a lot about my future, and I feel the need more and more to be single. I keep thinking that I haven't really experienced much and I want to try things.

This is my first and only relationship, so I'm not sure if these feeling are normal. I’m not sure if I’m ready to see my relationship come to an end because not having him in my life is too hard to imagine, but on the other hand I can’t stop having these thoughts and it's starting to affect me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, or something even remotely close, that can give me some advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: Do You Buy Clothes For Your Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

With most couples I know, the woman usually has a big say when it comes to the man's wardrobe. While this certainly isn’t true for everyone, it’s not surprising that many women in long-term relationships actually do most of the shopping for the man. Though I do know many men with serious fashion sense, I know even more guys who would gladly wear the same tennis shoes and worn out T-shirt for 20 years if they could. So do you buy clothes for your boyfriend or do you trust him to hit the stores solo?

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Relationship Protocol: Competition

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don’t consider myself a competitive person, but I can get pretty feisty during a round of Guitar Hero or a game of Scrabble. There’s nothing wrong with a little competition in a friendly game, but what about when it comes to a relationship? I’ve always kept my tiny competitive edge away from my significant other, but I’ve seen some couples duke it out over Monopoly or worse, their roles at work. Maybe it has more to do with the urge to get out a little tension than an actual desire to win, but what do you think? Have you seen this in other couples? Do you and your man ever go head to head?

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Relationship Protocol: Are You a Good Couple to Hang Out With?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Whether you’re the kind of couple that prefers to spend time with other couples or just hang alone at home, eventually there comes a time when you have to socialize in a larger group setting. Some couples are born to work the crowd; they interact with everyone and then come back and connect with each other every once and a while. They never make anyone feel uncomfortable by arguing or being too affectionate. In essence, even if you’re single or taken, they’re the perfect couple to spend time with.

But, unfortunately, there’s also the other extreme - the couple that you’d never want to be stuck with for more than a moment. Do you know any couples like this? Although we've all had our moments, tell me, are you a good couple to hang out with? And does it depend on the couple or each individual in a relationship?

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