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Group Therapy: He Constantly Tries to Make Me Jealous

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 10:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months and there is one thing he does that really bothers me. Every time he starts to talk about a woman he knows, whether it's through work or a mutual friend, he ends with "I think she has a crush on me." This has happened on numerous occasions and he says it every time unless he's talking about a family member. I am not a very jealous person by nature, and I'm fine with him having female friends, but he insists that every girl he meets has a crush on him. I'm starting to get really irritated by it. I usually laugh it off and change the subject but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm dating a jerk. Am I overreacting? What do you think?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Tech Dating 101: Blogging About Dating

GeekSugar — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 07:33:39 -0700

Call it tech and the single girl; lately, we've been tackling a lot of couples' issues in Tech Dating 101, but today I'm going to focus on being single in a virtual world.

With so many people blogging, it makes sense to mine your rich personal life, particularly the joys and horrors of dating. Just think - instead of making several phone calls to your girlfriends and any other interested parties, you can just direct everyone to your latest blog post.

Sure, many people think this alone is poor form, but I don't think it is - as long as you follow a few ground rules. To see my advice, just read more.

Be vague. Give your dates aliases or just use initials so that if they or people they know found your blog, it wouldn't be a dead giveaway who you were talking about. Don't be too specific about details either. But if you do want to give many details . . .
Utilize any privatization settings your blogging platform provides. Check your settings and allow only those you want to see your posts, or password protect the site.
Don't TMI anyone. Or at least know your readers' TMI thresholds.
Don't post anything you wouldn't want someone dating you to be posting. And don't assume that no one would be interested enough in your little blog to pass it around.
What happens when one of your dates/blog fodder becomes something more serious? You have a choice: stop blogging about them altogether, or come clean and be honest about your blogging so that they're not hurt if one of your friends eventually blabs about it. Even if everything you wrote was totally innocuous, hearing you've been blogged about behind your back is unsettling.

Any advice from you guys? Have you ever blogged about dating or been blogged about?

What Dating Advice Have You Gotten From Your Parents?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:45:00 -0700

After my first real boyfriend (Bobby) broke up with me in 8th grade, I'll never forget what my mother told me to make me feel better -- "You've got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince."

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear since Bobby was the only "frog" I wanted to be with, but I guess a mother's experience is worth much more than I could give her credit for at my young age. Over 15 years later, I finally see her point.

I'm sure your mother and father gave you plenty of advice on dating and relationships. - some I'm sure you probably didn't agree with (and still don't), and some that was invaluable.

So tell me, what dating advice have you gotten from your parents?

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You Asked, We Answered: Best of Tech Dating 101

GeekSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:05:46 -0700

The holidays are approaching, and you know what that means: time to switch into friends and family overdrive! Although you may be spending more time than usual with Aunt Laura, that doesn't mean you have to let your budding relationship with Mr. Fabulous go by the wayside - there's always technology to keep you two in touch. Check out some of my favorite tips to help you navigate the rocky waters between tech and dating.

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Tech Dating 101: He CC'd Me on an Email to His Mom

GeekSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 07:33:45 -0800

A friend of mine needs some advice: last week, her brand-new boyfriend (we're taking days here, not even weeks) wrote an email list of gifts he wanted for Christmas, sent it to his mom, and CC'd my friend. To be fair, my friend did ask him to send her his Christmas wish list, but she never expected him to send the same list to his mother at the same time.

She's a little freaked out because she thinks this is a sign of him moving too quickly. On the flip side, he is very close to his mother, and maybe he just thought he'd kill two birds with one stone by sending one email instead of two. Then again, now his mom has my friend's email address. . .even though the two are weeks away from actually meeting face-to-face. So of course my friend asks me, "What do I do? Do I reply to both of them? Do I write him back at all?"

I must admit, giving her advice on this problem kind of stumped me. I'm torn between a couple of responses; to see what they are (and help me out!), read more

Potential advice A: Reply all with a short and sweet "Thanks for the heads up!" and let it go. This requires giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, which I'm not quite sure is the right move here, but I think it could be the way to go. See if his mom responds. Chances are, she knows her son well enough to know his intentions. Maybe he's even done it before. The only caveat: if she responds to you, you're stuck. You can't ignore an email from mom, which means being prepared for any kind of wacky proposal, from her asking what gift you're planning on buying him to suggesting going halfsies on something together.

Potential advice B: Don't respond to the email. Address it with him in person as soon as possible. Tell him it made you uncomfortable, and tell him why it made you uncomfortable. You'll have to tread delicately since I'm guessing he doesn't realize what a big deal this is to you. Explain that even though it might have been a to-the-point email, it makes you uncomfortable to be included on the same thread as his mother.

Potential advice C: Run. Fast. In the other direction.

Just kidding on the last one - but help a girl out! What's the best solution to the problem?

Do you have a Love 2.0 question you want answered? Join the Tech Dating 101 because we understand that love and dating are stressful and the Internet and social networking sites can just make things worse. You never know, your question could be featured on GeekSugar! Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

Tech Dating 101: Do You Save Messages From Your Date?

GeekSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:02:00 -0800

One of the benefits of of digital technology is that every email, text, and voicemail is easily saved, stored, and relived. It's helpful when you're dating someone - I think it's both fun and cute to reread old messages. (Though I suppose this can get dicey when trying to cut your ex out of your digital life, but that's a topic for another day). When it's good - it's great!

I hadn't thought too much about it until a recently engaged friend unearthed a years-long log of emails and text messages, starting with the first email her now-fiance sent the morning after they met. My other friends and I teased her at first, but then realized that reading through her saved emails was almost like reading a book of the history of their relationship. Plus, it's fun to look back one month, six months, or even a year into the past to see what was going on, even if they're mundane messages about what movie to catch or what to make for dinner that night.

To find out why I think it's helpful to save old messages, just read more.

Besides its historical significance, saving messages from someone you're dating is also helpful when you're starting a new relationship. Who hasn't sat with their girlfriends and gadgets and analyzed a string of text messages from a new guy or potential date? (See also my advice on decoding postdate texts and instant messages).

Do you save these bits of communication when you're starting a new relationship? What about when you're in an established one? And do you ever go back to reread them? I've started doing it, and I must admit, looking back on emails or text messages from a few months before is both nostalgic and sweet.

Do you have a Love 2.0 questioned you want answered? Join the Tech Dating 101 because we understand that love and dating are stressful and the Internet and social networking sites can just make things worse. You never know, your question could be featured on GeekSugar! Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

Tech Dating 101: Help! He's E-Stalking Me

GeekSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:45:53 -0700

Electronic communication can both help and hurt a relationship. On one hand, it encourages constant communication and may make you feel closer to one another. On the other - this constant communication may make you feel suffocated.

This happened recently to one of my friends. She started seeing a new guy, and intentionally only gave him her phone number - no email address, no Twitter handle, no AIM screen name. She wasn't trying to hide anything, she was just trying make sure things progressed slowly. After a few weeks and a very brief exchange over Gmail - bam! - there he was in her list of Gchat contacts. She didn't think about it until the next day at work when, with the familiar "ding" that accompanies a new message, a "hi!" from her guy.

"I am not ready to Gchat!" she complained to me (via, of course, Gchat). I told her to ignore the Gchat window long enough that her name would display as idle, and then to either log out or turn on the "invisible" option - a quick fix for the moment, but by no means a permanent solution.

She's not the only friend of mine this has happened to. After including her instant messenger name (that she uses for work) on her Facebook profile, one friend was attacked with a flurry of instant messages from someone she was casually dating. So, how do you prevent a new date from e-stalking? That's what I'll cover on this edition of Tech Dating 101. To read the advice I gave to her, read more.

As silly as it may sound, I think it's better to set boundaries early, especially if one or both of you has a job that requires you to be available via phone, IM, email all day. So set rules, boundaries, whatever you have to do. Just because you're available to your boss and co-workers all day doesn't mean you have to make yourself available to everyone else in your life. If you prefer he doesn't chat you up via Gchat or AIM throughout the day, tell him that. Just explain your decision, and make it clear you're not hiding anything - you prefer to talk at certain hours of the day (like when you're off the clock), or you'd rather limit your communication to phone calls and text messages, with the occasional email. (If he's really not getting the message, you could always try adding this link to my advice on how not to virtually stalk someone as your status message, though I recommend that only as a last resort.)

Initially, my friend set her status to "invisible" so he couldn't find her online, which worked fine until she messaged him one afternoon and he responded with, "You're online?" She was totally busted - which is why I'd advise someone in a similar situation to address it, not ignore it.

Do you have a Love 2.0 questioned you want answered? Join the Tech Dating 101 because we understand that ove and dating are stressful and the Internet and social networking sites can just make things worse. You never know, your question could be featured on GeekSugar! Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

Tech Dating 101: Getting Your Ex Out of Your Digital Life

GeekSugar — Mon, 04 May 2009 09:05:35 -0700

Perplexed by a romantic text? Get your digital dating questions answered in geeksugar's Tech Dating 101 series, where I answer anything from changing your relationship status online to texting during a date. Today's post tackles what happens when a love that once bloomed has wilted.

What's the digital protocol for keeping your ex "around" when you break up? He may be out of your life, but still in your cell phone with a special ringtone, a sweet picture that comes up when he calls - or on your Facebook page, even if he's not making comments.

Do you do a delete from your phone, and de-friend him completely? See what I have to say when you read more.

In general, right when you're post breakup, the best thing to do is to gradually edge him out. That means you can keep him in your cell phone if you want, but you should take off any special ringtone or the picture that came up when he called.

As for Facebook, if the breakup was somewhat amicable, there's no need to de-friend but to avoid being reminded of him every time someone comments on a photo of him or writes on his Wall, set Facebook to hide his updates, so you can stay FB friends but don't have to know his Top 5 Movies.

Messy, painful breakup? Feel free to de-friend him, especially since Facebook doesn't blare that info, and there's no reason you need to keep up on his digital life, and vice versa.

And of course, I also advise following The New Relationship Rule. If you've been hanging on to digital vestiges of an ex, getting into a new relationship is a good time to cut them out of your phone and Facebook once and for all.

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Tech Dating 101: Decoding Post-Date Texts and IMs

GeekSugar — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:10:40 -0700

The men of Swingers championed a rule that fundamentally changed how fellas of the '90s plotted post-date communication. They said a man should wait three days after a date to call a woman so she would want them more. Preposterous, right? Today the possibilities for contact are so varied - email, work email, IM, gChat, Facebook, Twitter, text and so on - that it can be harder to gauge interest or commitment based on the time frame and way someone reaches out. In this installment of my Tech Dating 101 series I will address how technology and texting have changed the moments and days after a good first date. To see what I think (spoiler alert: it's complicated), read more.

The same day text: Most women I have talked to say they like it when a guy follows up a first date with a short text. It doesn't have to be sexy, or even offer the promise of a second date, but texting is a simple, quick and sweet way to say thanks, without an immediate call. If you had a great time and want him to know, text him yourself. It is one of the most relaxed forms of communication (no login required!) and will keep both of you from getting too wordy.
The three-day text: Consensus among friends is that the day three text could be a cop-out (as in, he isn't ready to commit to a phone call and he's using the antiquated Swingers mentality to make you want him more), but it does count as contact and an effort.
The instant reach out: If a guy initiates communication via instant messaging in any form (iChat, Yahoo Messenger, gChat, Facebook chat etc.) less than two hours after a date he can come off as eager to get the party started. Do with that what you will. I do; however, think it is polite for him to acknowledge he sees you online if you pop online right after your date or in the days following. It's ridiculous to pretend you don't see one another online. That being said, instant messages are not a phone call. If he really wants to talk to you he should still call you up, or at the very least send an email to plan your next get-together.

Got a burning dating and technology question you need answered? Join our Tech Dating 101 group and share your conundrums and advice there with other GeekSugar lovers. Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

You Asked: I Need Dating Advice!

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Last year I met this guy who is pretty much my ideal man. He's funny, sweet, athletic, smart - I could go on and on. Anyway, we met at work and he was my supervisor for a while. We no longer work together, but I see him quite often. Needless to say, I developed quite a crush on him; however, I have no idea if he knows this or even how he feels about me. From the things he says to me, my friends think the feeling is mutual, but I’m not sure because he’s always so sweet to everyone and therefore what he’s saying to me might not be the special something they seem to think it is. I’d like to drop the hint that I have a crush on him and see how he responds, but I’m not sure how to go about doing this. Both of us are pretty shy, so I don’t think I could just come right out and tell him without scaring him off or making a complete fool of myself. Would it seem immature and high-schoolish of me to ask one of my friends to drop the hint? - Scared to Be Daring Dara

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Scared to Be Daring Dara,

The only way you'll ever know if this guy feels the same way about you is by putting out your feelers. Sure, exposing yourself can be very scary, so if you'd feel more comfortable having your friend drop a hint, go for it! Why not? To avoid sounding immature, make sure she uses tact and ask her to make her hint very subtle.

Once she's done her part, you're going to have to step up and do your part too. Going a little out of your comfort zone can be incredibly rewarding, so flirt with him! Give him the interested vibe without being too pushy. Remember, guys can be very insecure, and sometimes the fear of rejection can be too crippling to even take a chance, so if your crush senses that you have feelings for him, chances are he'll step out of his box too. Good luck!

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