PopSugar

Sex Therapist Says: Go Ahead and Snoop on Him

TresSugar — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0700

In an ideal world, says sex therapist and relationship counselor Dr. Ian Kerner, partners in committed relationships wouldn't hide anything from each other nor be suspicious of the other's activities. But Internet infidelity is such a problem these days, he argues, that sometimes you are justified in snooping on your partner's online activity.

You might not find out that your partner's cheating on you in the real world, Dr. Kerner says, but he might be committing emotional infidelity - that is, confiding in someone of the opposite sex, flirting with her, or even sending sexual messages. Research has shown that men don't think about emotional infidelity the same way that women do (most of them think it's not as bad as sexual infidelity), but it is a drain on the relationship nevertheless. If you've ever been with someone who checked out from the relationship and was investing romantic attention elsewhere without technically cheating, you'll know what he's talking about!

So when should you take this taboo leap into treating the person you're supposedly closest to like a crime suspect? I'll tell you after the jump, but you tell me - do you think it's worth taking this step, or are suspicions sign enough that it's time to bail? To see Dr. Kerner's list of signs you might need to start snooping, read more

Does he spend too much time on the computer or other digital devices?
Is he comfortable leaving Facebook pages or emails open when he's not at the computer?
Does he keep in touch with exes or members of the opposite sex on social networking sites like Facebook? Does it make you feel uncomfortable, or do you feel like you should know more and you don't?
Does your partner give you other reasons to not trust him - like flirting with others a lot when you are out together?
Has the frequency with which you have sex decreased?
Does your gut tell you something's wrong?

Ask a Feminist: My BF's Texting My Friend – Should I Worry?

TresSugar — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:15:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. A Feminist, who answered a previous Conventional Wisdom column, is back to answer yet another "Am I paranoid or is he cheating on me?" question. You can submit questions here.

Today's Question:

I recently found out my boyfriend has been texting my friend behind my back. He says there's nothing going on and that she has a boyfriend. He doesn't live with me as he works away, but he texts and calls her more than he does me. When I confronted him, he just said she was giving him relationship advice but I don't know what to believe. He also lied about being at work one day and apparently stayed with one of his friends instead of being with our daughter and me. I don't know what to do. I'm so paranoid lately.

Signed, Worried.

To find out what a feminist has to say to Worried, read more

Hi Worried,

I'm sure you know the saying, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." I say this not to make light of your situation, but to remind you that both your extreme suspicion and your boyfriend's inappropriate behavior could be going on simultaneously.

To begin with - I need more information about your situation. You have a child with this boyfriend. Was this a planned pregnancy? Are you both together for the sake of your child or do you truly want to be together? How old are you? Do you plan to get married? I ask this to get a sense of what your bond with your boyfriend is right now, as well as to see if ambivalence might be fueling his lies and strange lack of boundaries. From the way you describe his behavior and your lack of trust, I almost don't need answers to these other questions.

It goes without saying that without trust in a relationship, there's nothing. If you both have promised to be exclusive with one another, and your boyfriend begins to erode your trust in other areas, it makes sense you would begin to wonder if he's strayed from his fidelity or plans to.

Although I can't speculate on his fidelity to you, I can say your boyfriend, the father of your child, seems to lack a sense of propriety, or a sense of what appropriate behavior is. To text and call your female friend without your knowledge to talk about relationship issues is sketchy in the extreme. Whether he's counseling her or getting advice (what the heck could he be asking her or saying about you?!), seeking emotional intimacy with your friend is just weird. Is he trying to get "close" to her in other ways? I assume your friend told you he was doing this and with what frequency, given that you say he's calling and texting her more than he does you.

This is a problem, Worried. I would confront him. Make sure he understands why this feels like an emotional betrayal, tell him that you want him to talk to you about your relationship, and that he needs to stop texting and confiding in your friend. If you can, maybe you both can see a counselor together. The bottom line is, use common sense in deciding whether or not you can trust him going forward. I really believe we women should trust our guts about infidelity or its potential - we're almost never wrong.

Good luck!

Amy Writes of Blake's Ultimate Betrayal

PopSugarUK — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:45:29 -0700

Amy Winehouse has reportedly written a song she has called "The Ultimate Betrayal" following reports that another woman is six weeks pregnant with her estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil's child.

After she heard the news, Amy reportedly went to her studio on St Lucia and wrote the emotional song, which repeats the "No, No, No" line from "Rehab". A source said:

"Amy still felt they had something between them and that one day they’d be together again. But this news destroyed her. She sat down with her guitar and started writing 'The Ultimate Betrayal'. She keeps repeating the line: 'Blake a baby, no, no, no.' It’s very haunting."

The News of the World is claiming the exclusive that Blake "had a secret fling" with Gilleen Morris in rehab in February. Gilleen claims that Blake has vowed to stand by her and raise the child, and also said: "if Amy wants to be a stepmum I wouldn't mind, as long as she steered clear of drugs and self-harming". The news could affect Blake's plans to receive £5million of Amy's fortune in their divorce, as his case was based on Amy's alleged infidelity.

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You Asked: How Can I Get Past His Cheating?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together for 10. About three months ago I found out that he had an affair about two years ago. I forgave him, and we have been working together to move past it. Lately some friends of his friends that know the other woman have been coming over to our house to spend time with my husband. Whenever they mention her name in passing, my blood boils. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I can't seem to get the affair out of my mind. I don't know what to do. We are completely open and honest with each other, but my thoughts are consumed with him cheating on me. Do you have any advice? - Consumed Cassie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Consumed Cassie,

I commend you for forgiving your husband for his infidelity, and I say that because it takes an incredibly strong woman to do what you're doing. It doesn't surprise me that your thoughts are consumed by this, but know that forgiveness won't happen overnight. Building the trust back takes a lot of hard work from both people in the relationship, so while you're doing your part to move forward, he needs to do his part too.

The first suggestion I can make is to stop having these guys over that talk about this woman. Your house should be a safe, sacred place, so if your husband's friends are the cause of your angst, simple tell him they are no longer welcome. Although you're working on this together, I also recommend you see a therapist on your own. Being cheated on comes with a plethora of emotions and obsession can be one of them. If you're replaying them together over and over in your head, it's pretty clear that you're still holding onto some issues that you need to let go of in order to fully move past his infidelity. I'm glad to hear that you're keeping the lines of communication open at home, so keep it up and hopefully, with time, this rough patch will be a faint memory. Good luck.

Source

Alzheimer's disease

FitSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:34:55 -0700

HEALTH GUIDE REFERENCE FROM A.D.A.M

Alzheimer's disease (AD) is a progressive, degenerative brain disease that results in impaired memory, thinking, and behavior. People with AD experience gradual memory loss as well as impaired judgement, difficulty concentrating, loss of language skills, personality changes, and a decline in the ability to learn new tasks.

The rate of progression is different for each person. If AD develops rapidly, it is likely to continue to progress rapidly. If it has been slow to progress, it will likely continue on a slow course.

There is no cure for AD, but studies suggest that medications, herbs and supplements, and lifestyle adjustments may help slow the progression and improve the symptoms of the disease.

Signs and Symptoms

The early symptoms of AD are occasionally overlooked because they resemble signs that many people attribute to "natural aging." The following are the most common signs and symptoms of AD:

Psychological Symptoms

Memory loss, including not recognizing friends and family members
Difficulty concentrating
Difficulty comprehending words, completing sentences, or finding the right words
Loss of familiarity with surroundings, wandering aimlessly
Depression
Hallucinations, delusions, and psychosis
Aggression, agitation, anxiety, restlessness
Accusatory behaviors (such as accusations of spousal infidelity)
Withdrawal, disinterest, hostility, loss of inhibitions

Physical Symptoms

Impaired movement or coordination
Muscle rigidity, shuffling or dragging feet while walking
Insomnia or disturbances in sleep patterns
Weight loss
Incontinence
Muscle twitching or seizures

Causes

The causes of AD are not entirely known but are thought to include genetics and environmental factors. New research indicates that free radicals (highly reactive molecules that can cause oxidation, or damage to cells) may play a role in the development of AD.

A gene for the protein epsilon apolipoprotein (Apo E) -- especially Apo E3 and Apo E4 varieties -- is thought to accelerate the formation of abnormal deposits (called plaques) in the brain and increase the risk for AD. Reports indicate that 50 - 90% of those with the Apo E4 gene develop AD. However, even people without inherited genes for the disease can get AD.

Scientists also believe the environment may play a part in AD because people in different regions of the world have widely varying risks of developing the disease. For example, people living in Japan and West Africa have much less risk for AD than Japanese Americans and African-Americans.

People with AD have abnormal deposits, or plaques, in their brain tissue. These plaques contain beta amyloid, a protein that releases free radicals, or highly reactive molecules, that can cause damage to cells through a process called oxidation. These free radicals are believed to lower levels of acetylcholine (a brain chemical that helps transmit impulses in the nervous system) and damage brain tissue, bringing on the symptoms of AD.

Although not confirmed by scientific studies, other factors that have been speculated to contribute to the development of AD include infections (such as herpesvirus type 1), exposure to metal ions (such as aluminum, mercury, zinc, copper, and iron), or prolonged exposure to electromagnetic fields.

Risk Factors

The causes and risk factors contributing to the development of AD are not entirely clear. The following all appear to have an association with AD to varying degrees.

Family history of AD
Older age -- 20 - 40% of people with AD are older than 85
Female gender -- while women tend to develop AD more than men, this may be related to the tendency for women to live longer.
Americans are more likely to get AD than Asians or Native Americans
Long-term high blood pressure
History of head trauma -- one or more serious blows to the head may put a person at an increased risk.
Down syndrome
Elevated levels of homocysteine (a body chemical that contributes to chronic illnesses such as heart disease, depression, and AD)
Aluminum or mercury poisoning
Prolonged exposure to electromagnetic fields

Diagnosis

There is no definitive test for AD. A true diagnosis can only be made after a person dies and an autopsy is performed on the brain.

However, AD usually has a characteristic pattern of symptoms. A health care provider will try to narrow down a diagnosis by ruling out other possible causes. The health care provider will ask questions about medical history and symptoms and do a physical exam (including a neurological exam).

The following tests may also be used to aid in the diagnosis:

Psychological tests assess the individual's memory and attention span. They may also reveal difficulties in problem-solving, social, and language skills.
Electroencephalograph (EEG) traces brain-wave activity. This test sometimes reveals "slow waves" in people with AD.
Blood test for the Apo E4 gene may indicate a genetic tendency for AD. The presence of the gene in the blood may suggest AD, but it does not always make an accurate diagnosis.
Imaging tests such as CT, MRI, or PET scans.

In the early stages of dementia, brain image scans may be normal. In later stages, an MRI may show a decrease in the size of certain brain areas. While the scans do not confirm the diagnosis of AD, they do exclude other causes of dementia such as stroke and tumor.

Preventive Care

Consuming a low-fat, low-calorie diet may reduce the risk for AD.
Higher intake of fatty, cold-water fish (such as tuna, salmon, and mackerel) may be associated with a lower risk of dementia. This may be due to the high level of omega-3 fatty acids found in such fish. Eating fish at least two to three times per week provides a healthy amount of omega-3 fatty acids, but dietary supplementation with capsules or liquid products is still recommended.
Reducing intake of linoleic acid (found in margarine, butter, and dairy products) may prevent cognitive decline.
Antioxidants, such as vitamins A, E, and C (found in darkly colored fruits and vegetables), may help prevent damage caused by free radicals.
Maintaining normal blood pressure levels may reduce the risk for AD.
Hormone-replacement therapy (HRT) in postmenopausal women may decrease production of chemicals that cause AD, stimulate growth of brain cells, and improve blood flow in the brain. However, the role of hormones in the prevention of AD is still controversial. HRT has also been shown to increase the risk for breast cancer, heart attacks, strokes, and blood clots.
Some studies suggest that certain medications may prevent AD, including statin drugs (such as pravastatin or lovastatin, used to lower cholesterol) and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs), with the exception of aspirin. More research is necessary, however, to determine how effective these medications are in reducing the risk of the disease.
Keeping mentally and socially active may help delay the onset or slow the progression of AD.

Treatment

The goals in managing AD are to:

Slow the progression of the disease.
Manage behavior problems, confusion, and agitation.
Modify the home environment.
Support family members and other caregivers.

There is no cure for AD. The most promising treatments include lifestyle changes, medications, and antioxidant supplements.

Lifestyle

Research indicates that the following lifestyle modifications may help improve behavior in people with AD:

Walking regularly with a caregiver or other reliable companion may improve communication skills and diminish the risk of wandering.
Bright light therapy may reduce insomnia and wandering.
Calming music may reduce wandering and restlessness, boost brain chemicals, and improve behavior.
Pet dogs can increase appropriate social behaviors.
Relaxation training and other exercises that require focused attention (often used with refreshments as rewards) can improve social interaction and the ability to perform tasks.

The Safe Return Program, implemented by the Alzheimer's Association, encourages identification bracelets, wallet cards, and clothing labels for patients with AD. Identifying information is stored in a national database and distributed to authorities when a patient is reported missing. If a registered person is found, the information is used to contact their caregiver.

Medications

Several drugs are available to try to slow the progression of AD and possibly improve the person's mental capabilities. These include:

Donepezil (Aricept)
Rivastigmine (Exelon)
Galantamine (Razadyne, formerly called Reminyl)
Tacrine (Cognex)

Memantine (Namenda) is currently the only drug approved for treatment of moderate-to-severe Alzheimer’s disease.

The following medications may ease the symptoms related to AD:

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) increase activity of a brain chemical called serotonin. They are used to treat depression.
Methylphenidate stimulates the brain to increase alertness. It is used to treat withdrawal and apathy.
Risperidone, olanzapine, and haloperidol are mood stabilizers. They help improve social interactions, and reduce delusions, paranoia, and aggression.
Carbamazepine is an anti-seizure drug that stabilizes sodium levels in the brain. It is used to treat agitation.

Nutrition and Dietary Supplements

Individuals with AD may have particular dietary concerns. People with AD often forget to eat and drink, and, as a result, often become dehydrated.

Following these nutritional tips may help improve general health and well-being:

Eat antioxidant foods, including fruits (such as blueberries, cherries, and tomatoes) and vegetables (such as squash and bell peppers).
Eat foods high in B-vitamins and calcium, such as almonds, beans, whole grains (if no allergy), dark leafy greens (such as spinach and kale), and sea vegetables such as kelp and dulce.
Eat more high-fiber foods, including beans, oats, root vegetables (such as potatoes and yams), and psyllium seed.
Avoid refined foods such as white breads, pastas, and especially sugar.
Eat fewer red meats and more lean meats, cold-water fish, tofu (soy, if no allergy), or beans for protein.
Use healthy oils in foods, such as olive oil or vegetable oil.
Reduce or eliminate trans-fatty acids, found in commercially baked goods such as cookies, crackers, cakes, French fries, onion rings, donuts, processed foods, and margarine.
Avoid coffee and other stimulants, alcohol, and tobacco.
Drink 6 - 8 glasses of filtered water daily.
Exercise at least 30 minutes daily, five days a week.

You may address nutritional deficiencies with the following supplements:

A multivitamin daily, containing the antioxidant vitamins A, C, E, the B-complex vitamins, and trace minerals such as magnesium, calcium, zinc, and selenium.
Omega-3 fatty acids, such as fish oil, 1 - 2 capsules or 1 - 3 tablespoonfuls oil, one to three times daily, to help decrease inflammation and help with immunity. Cold-water fish, such as salmon or halibut, are good sources but not substitutes for supplementation.
Vitamin C, 500 - 1,000 mg one to three times daily, as an antioxidant and for immune support.
Coenzyme Q10, 100 - 200 mg at bedtime, for antioxidant, immune, and muscular support.
Acetyl-L-carnitine, 500 mg daily, for antioxidant and muscle protective activity.
Probiotic supplement (containing Lactobacillus acidophilus and other species), 5 - 10 billion CFUs (colony forming units) a day, for maintenance of gastrointestinal and immune health. You should refrigerate your probiotic supplements for best results.
L-glutamine, 500 - 1,000 mg three times daily, for support of gastrointestinal health and immunity.
L-arginine, 1 -2 gm three times daily, for blood vessel support.
SAMe (s-adenosyl-L-methionine), 100 - 200 mg before breakfast daily, for mood improvement.
Resveratrol (from red wine), 50 - 200 mg daily, for antioxidant and immune system effects.
L-theanine, 200 mg one to three times daily, for nervous system and brain support.
Melatonin, 2 - 5 mg one hour before bedtime, for sleep and immune protection. Ask your health care provider about potential drug interactions with the use of melatonin.

Herbs

Herbs are generally a safe way to strengthen and tone the body's systems. As with any therapy, you should work with your health care provider to get your problem diagnosed before starting any treatment. You may use herbs as dried extracts (capsules, powders, teas), glycerites (glycerine extracts), or tinctures (alcohol extracts). Unless otherwise indicated, you should make teas with 1 tsp. herb per cup of hot water. Steep covered 5 - 10 minutes for leaf or flowers, and 10 - 20 minutes for roots. Drink 2 - 4 cups per day.

Ginkgo (Ginkgo biloba) standardized extract, 40 - 80 mg three times daily, for blood flow and brain health. Ginkgo is the most widely studied herb, especially for symptoms related to dementia and Alzheimer's disease.
Green tea (Camellia sinensis) standardized extract, 250 - 500 mg daily, for antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and immune effects. Use caffeine-free products. You may also prepare teas from the leaf of this herb.
Milk thistle (Silybum marianum) seed standardized extract, 80 - 160 mg two to three times daily, for detoxification support and antiviral effects.
Bacopa (Bacopa monnieri) standardized extract, 50 - 150 mg three times daily, traditionally used in India to improve mental performance.
Vinpocetine (isolated from Vina minor), 10 - 40 mg twice daily, for symptoms of Alzheimer's disease or dementia.

Acupuncture

Small studies have shown that transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS), a technique used in physical therapy and certain types of acupuncture, may improve memory and daily living skills in people with AD. Further studies are needed to confirm whether acupuncture may be effective in the treatment of AD.

Massage and Physical Therapy

The inability to communicate normally with language increases anxiety and frustration in people with AD. Using touch, or massage, as a form of nonverbal communication has been shown to benefit those with AD. In one study, people with AD who received hand massages and were spoken to in a calming manner had a reduction in pulse rate and in inappropriate behavior. Health care professionals speculate that massage may be beneficial for people with AD not only because it is relaxing, but because it provides a form of social interaction and a moderate form of exercise.

Mind-Body Medicine

Music Therapy

Music therapy, the use of music to calm and heal an individual, cannot slow or reverse dementia, but it may improve quality of life for both a person with AD and their caregiver. Clinical reports suggest that music therapy may reduce wandering and restlessness and increase chemicals in the brain that enhance sleep and ease anxiety. For example, people with AD have been shown to experience significant increases in levels of brain chemicals such as melatonin, norepinephrine, and epinephrine after listening to live music regularly for a month. Mood also improved after listening to the music.

Support for the Caregiver

Studies suggest that caregivers who receive emotional support tend to experience an improvement in their quality of life, and those they are caring for benefit as well.

Other Considerations

A person with AD can experience the following complications:

Falls (from impaired coordination)
"Sundowning" (withdrawal or agitation in the evening)
Malnutrition and dehydration
Infection (from urinary tract infections or pneumonia)
Asphyxiation (stopped breathing)
Harmful or violent behavior toward self or others
Suicide
Poor health and support due to caregiver burnout
Physical and emotional abuse, including neglect
Heart disease

Alzheimer's disease gets worse over time. However, people with the disease can survive for many years. Those with a long-standing history of high blood pressure are more likely to get worse faster.

Supporting Research

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Clarke R, Smith AD, Jobst KA, Refsum H, Sutton L, Veland PM. Folate, vitamin B12, and serum total homocysteine levels in confirmed Alzheimer disease. Arch Neurol. 1998;55:1449-1455.

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Review Date:
11/8/2006
Reviewed By:
Ernest B. Hawkins, MS, BSPharm, RPh, Health Education Resources; and Steven D. Ehrlich, N.M.D., private practice specializing in complementary and alternative medicine, Phoenix, AZ. Review provided by VeriMed Healthcare Network.

A.D.A.M., Inc. is accredited by URAC, also known as the American Accreditation HealthCare Commission (www.urac.org). URAC's accreditation program is an independent audit to verify that A.D.A.M. follows rigorous standards of quality and accountability. A.D.A.M. is among the first to achieve this important distinction for online health information and services. Learn more about A.D.A.M.'s editorial policy, editorial process and privacy policy. A.D.A.M. is also a founding member of Hi-Ethics and subscribes to the principles of the Health on the Net Foundation (www.hon.ch).

A.D.A.M. Copyright

The information provided herein should not be used during any medical emergency or for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition. A licensed medical professional should be consulted for diagnosis and treatment of any and all medical conditions. Call 911 for all medical emergencies. Links to other sites are provided for information only -- they do not constitute endorsements of those other sites. © 1997-2009 A.D.A.M., Inc. Any duplication or distribution of the information contained herein is strictly prohibited.

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You Asked: My Dream About Him Cheating Has Me Paranoid

DearSugar — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for a year now and things have been great. But a few months ago, I had a dream that he was cheating on me. Ever since I've kept getting these unfounded ideas in my head that he might be doing things that I don't approve of. Recently my paranoia turned into serious jealousy when I found out that there were going to be strippers at his soon-to-be brother-in-law's bachelor party.

I expressed my concern and he decided not to go even though his sister and brother-in-law were disappointed, and his parents told him that they thought I was being too controlling. Then recently, he made a joke to his brother about checking out other girls, but I still felt a little miffed and told him so - my dream kept echoing in the back of my head. He said that he would never act on it, but that he didn't think it was a big deal to notice a pretty girl.

I totally disagree with him, and find that kind of behavior very disrespectful of me and our relationship. Now he thinks that I'm overly jealous and that I don't trust him at all. I really don't want to be controlling and harsh, but I do want him to respect my feelings. I just can't get this dream out of my head! All of these issues never existed before, and now they won't go away. How can I control my jealousy and paranoia?

- Paranoid Dreamer Delia

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Paranoid Dreamer Delia,

I consider dreams more of an expression of our own anxieties and desires that hide back in the farthest reaches of our consciousness, rather than some kind of crystal ball that reveals the future. Most likely, the dream about your boyfriend has brought up a lot of insecurities that you already had but weren't able to acknowledge. Jealousy is completely natural, but when it starts to negatively affect your relationship and your emotions, it's time to take a step back.

To move past this terrible dream, I'd start focusing all of your attention on the reality of your situation. Just as your dream doesn't become real simply because you had it, your boyfriend casually glancing at a pretty woman doesn't make him capable of infidelity because you're feeling notably more paranoid than usual.

There's nothing wrong with expressing your concerns about the bachelor party, but it's important to also acknowledge that your boyfriend chose to disappoint his family in order to avoid hurting you. I think that shows a great deal of respect for your feelings and your relationship. The more you note the way the emotions around your dream are affecting your relationship and blocking you from thinking about things rationally, the easier it will be to properly react to a situation.

Source

Do You Go Shopping After Fighting With Your Guy?

SavvySugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 08:28:07 -0700

Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker, dubbed the term "pop shots" to put a name on "pissed-off purchases" made following a fight with your significant other. She ran a survey and found that people usually make these purchases three to four times a year at about $486 a shot.

Her results don't surprise me much as emotional spending is nothing new - retail therapy after a bad day is something most of us have turned to at least once, and stepping into your favorite boutique after a fight with your guy is of the same basic tune. The average $486 seems on the high side, but when you're angry and hurt clouds tend to usurp judgment.

Source

Group Therapy: How Do I Know This Is Love?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I am a divorced woman around 50 years old. I have been dating a new man, also in his fifties, since January. We have common interests, communicate well, have fun together, and have phenomenal sex. But when does the feeling of falling love happen? Does having fun together and caring about each other deepen to love eventually?

I know it sounds strange for me to ask this, but I was married for 26 years to someone I fell in love with and married within eight weeks! I was 25 and just felt magical with him. We divorced after 26 years together due to his infidelities and I was devastated. I'm trying to move on with my life after being alone for three years, and I'm so confused about this stuff now. I've learned my lesson, and I don't want to be hurt again. At the same time, I'm wondering if being in love really only happens once. I guess I just don't trust my emotions anymore, so I need to know how I'll know if it's really love. Do you know after a few months of dating, or do you feel it right away?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

You Asked: His Anger Is Unjustified

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost three years now. He used to be so great and still is in many ways, but things are different now. Last year, he cheated on me, which was a complete shock. We got through it, but to be honest I’ve never really gotten over it.

At this point, he is sick of me bringing it up and thinks I should just get over it. Obviously this has led to a lot of fighting, and his behavior has become practically abusive. He shouts and screams at me when we fight until all I can do is cry and beg him to stop. I can see how volatile and destructive this is, but it's confusing because when things are good, they’re really good. I know he loves me so is he acting out because of his own guilt? I know I should just break up with him, but it’s just not that easy. What can I do?

Hurt by His Rage Rachel

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Hurt by His Rage Rachel,

You have every right to be upset. Your boyfriend betrayed you and that’s not something most people can simply "get over." However, it doesn’t sound like you guys are working through this at all. I can’t speak to why you’re boyfriend is reacting the way he is, but I will say that he doesn’t appear to be very concerned about you or your relationship. In fact, it’s quite disturbing that he handles your emotions with such anger.

Regardless of whether or not your boyfriend loves you, he is not treating you right. Instead of working to resolve issues, he attacks you. Either he needs to make some changes, or you’re going to have to walk away whether you want to or not. Let him know that you’re hitting your limit. Explain to him why you feel the need to bring it up, and tell him that it’s important that he just listens - ignoring it won't make it go away.

Meanwhile, closely consider whether or not you will ever be able to get over his infidelity. If you really believe that you can then figure out how. Will it just take time? Is there something you need him to do to or say to regain your trust? Is bringing it up all the time part of your healing process? Once you've figured all of this out bring it to him and go from there. It sounds like you guys have some pretty serious issues to work through. Good luck!

Source

Nicole is not into Emotional Cheating

PopSugar — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 13:24:05 -0700

Nicole Kidman has been quite a busy lady lately. She's a newlywed, acting as Kosovo's Goodwill Ambassador, and promoting her new film, Fur - it's amazing she has time to think about anything else. But she does, and evidently she has something to say about marriage and infidelity. Apparently she thinks that emotional cheating is worse than the physical kind. People reports:

"I don't think that sexual faithfulness is the most important one," she said. "It is the easiest type to define, but mental unfaithfulness is far more subtle and dangerous. How far can you go in this type without being 'really' unfaithful? It's a difficult issue for which I don't have answers, only questions."

Nicole gets to kiss Jude Law and other hot co-stars so no wonder she thinks emotional cheating is worse.