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Your Two Cents: Do You Invite Co-Workers to Your Parties?

SavvySugar — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:45:33 -0700

Including co-workers and your boss in your wedding day can be a sensitive subject. Inviting friends you've made at work who also serve as friends outside of the workplace seems like the right choice, but it can still be dicey and cause hurt feelings. On this week's The Office, the entire branch road trips to Niagara Falls to attend Pam and Jim's nuptials. It's sweet and fitting, considering the crew has watched the lovebirds go from co-workers to an expectant couple, but plenty of awkward scenes ensue (including a particularly uncomfortable scene when boss Michael Scott riffs about safe sex at the rehearsal dinner).

Do your office mates make your party guest lists, or do you keep your personal and professional party lives completely separate?

Photo courtesy of NBC

Should Your Guest List Include Your Boss and Co-Workers?

SavvySugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 12:33:20 -0700

Ah, the guest list - something that should be so simple in theory that can often turn into a nightmare of political distress, and is the cause of so many lamenting brides-to-be wishing they could just elope. While the average guest list has 153 names on it, that number doesn't seem so forgiving when you take in to account all of the family and friends whom without your event would feel incomplete. The question of inviting your boss and your co-workers is one that can be tougher to solve than the kid question because of the possible repercussions, and the last thing you want to face when you get back from your honeymoon is to be met with awkwardness at work. To see my take on whether or not office folks should receive a coveted place on your guest list, just read more.

It's obvious that you'll invite the friends you've made at work who also serve as friends outside of the office. They know your fiancé's last name, and not just from asking what your new last name will be and if you're going to take it. But just as you have friendly acquaintances that fall into a gray zone in your personal life, there are usually co-workers who also fit this bill of uncertainty. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but your wedding is expensive and the guest list isn't superelastic.

Some jobs are much more political in nature than others, and the higher up you get on the office food chain the more sensitive you'd be to inviting your colleagues. Unless you have these obvious obligations to inviting certain people out of respect for their position and yours, it's OK to only invite those co-workers who you call your friends. This can be trickier if you work in a very small office, but aside from making the effort not to single anyone out as the only person not invited, the general rule still applies. Be aware of those around you once your invitations have been sealed and delivered - you may even want to ask the few invited to keep their invitee status to themselves at work and hold the wedding chatter to a minimum.

Just because someone tells you they're happy for you, it doesn't mean they expect a wedding invitation. It's your (expensive) wedding, and it's a personal affair - remember that while being sensitive to others is a great quality, it doesn't mean you should feel pressured to expand your intimate wedding of close friends and family.

To see all of our wedding season coverage, check out IDoSugar.

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Should I Attend A Wedding Where My Ex Will Be?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 May 2006 05:17:50 -0700

Dear Sugar
I've been invited to a wedding that my ex boyfriend is also invited to. We dated for 3 1/2 years and lived together and recently broke up. It's been very hard on me to move on and even though I am dating again now, my heart's not really in it. I've been told that due to financial constraints, both of us are not invited with dates. The wedding is in September. Do you think that I should go? I know I don't have to make a decision now, I have time but the groom has been my friend since elementary school and I'd like to be there. I would want him at my wedding. He also happens to be my ex's college roommate, so I'm sure he wants to go as well. I've been doing so well not seeing my ex, but my feelings for him were (and still are) so strong, I'm afraid that even in September, if I see him, it's all going to come flooding back and I will fall into a downward spiral again. Should I just avoid the wedding for the sake of me moving on? Torn Talesha

Dear Torn Talesha
I understand your struggle. Go - and be a good friend . . . Or don't go - and take care of yourself? I don't think that you should go. It's one thing to suck it up for them because it's their day, but if you are going to head into depressionville if you go, then you've got to weigh what's more important to you. You've been friends with the groom for so long, that if you tell him that you have a business trip or something else really important has come up 3-4 weeks before, he'll totally understand. Send a nice gift with a very nice card and your regrets. It's really not worth your mental health if you don't even think you can handle it. Hopefully they will still come to your wedding when you get married, and if they don't - they don't. That's a whole new time in your life, you don't even know what frame of mind you'll be as far as weddings by then and you haven't even met Mr. Right yet - so don't worry about it. I guarantee it won't have an impact on your big day or your friendship. Right now what's best for you is staying away from your ex. Just because you say that you are doing better, you aren't fooling anyone because you still have feelings for him. Don't let the groom know that you might not come to his wedding because of your ex boyfriend, but you have another 3 months until you have to make a decision. See how it goes up until that point and if you do go, don't drink a lot and get yourself home as soon after the reception as you can; don't linger. It's only natural to still have feelings for him, it hasn't been long enough.

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: How Can I Forgive Him?

E Jean Carroll — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 23:35:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean--

My fiancé cheated on me a year ago. I found out 6 months ago. He told me it was a one-time deal, and I have chosen to believe him and have proceeded with our wedding. However, I’m struggling with finding a way to get over this. We are getting married in 27 days and every couple weeks I get so frustrated and bring it up. I know that if I decide to forgive him, I also need to forget what he did, but I have no one else to talk to about my feelings because no one else knows. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Am I making a mistake by marrying this man?

To see E. Jean's answer read more

MY KUMQUAT:

Lemme get this straight: 1. You don’t trust the guy. 2. You can’t forgive the guy. 3. You refuse to forget the guy made an ass of himself; and you’re asking old Eeeee Jean and DearSugar if you’re “making a mistake?”

Call the wedding off, darling.

There’s not a single syllable in your letter about loving the lad. You’ve mentioned “cheating,” “struggling,” and “frustrated;” but as for even liking the poor cadball---?Hell, I think I’m more fond of him than you are.

Send the presents back. Cancel the reception. Defrock the minister. Then, when everyone’s relaxed, I advise you to go on the honeymoon. It is exactly what you need. Perhaps even invite your ex-fiancé. Maybe you’ll find that if he still loves you and promises to never look at another woman again . . . . you can fall in love again. Because though he screwed up . . . though he was a cad, a worm, a louse---he can change. It will take time. He’ll have to mature, like Seth Rogen in Knocked Up, but you may grow to trust him again.

P.S.
BRIDE WARNING:
I realize we’re all in the midst of “Sugar Wedding Frenzy” here and if anyone knows a bride, please do not let her see this. But the cold hard fact is it is five times more glamorous and exciting to call a wedding off than it is to go through with a wedding. Most weddings are a drag for the people invited. They’re an effort to go to, sit through, and basically pretty much suck all the way around. With the exception of the mother of the bride, everyone will be relieved when you call it off, including your chap.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com

You Asked: Pre-Wedding Blues

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 03:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

My future mother-in-law has become a nightmare, and I don't think I can handle dealing with her for one more second. I'm a grown woman, and she's hijacking my wedding plans and always insisting that she's right and I'm wrong about how to do things. She is criticizing and trying to change every single detail, the little ones and the big ones. I could spend hours here listing all the things that she's said and done in the past four months, but please just believe me. I don't want to meltdown and freak out on her, but I need her to stop now. How do I make that happen without hurting my relationship with her? -- Wedding Blues Wendy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Wedding Blues Wendy – Planning a wedding is a stressful job, whether or not you’ve won the mother-in-law lottery. So, let’s begin with reminders about the super important stuff. I hope you’re about to marry a guy who consistently stands up for you, as you’ll definitely need him to be your man and not merely his mama’s boy in your married life. If that’s all set, you’re a lucky girl in a temporary jam. That’s the stuff to remember: Temporary problem; Lucky girl. And you are not alone; I get daily emails about this very situation, so I've put together a thorough roadmap, with lots of tips. I hope the community here will post suggestions that have worked for them, as well!

Now, on to your future mother-in-law: Experience suggests you probably can’t stop her irritating behavior and you probably can’t not offend her, especially if she’s hell bent on being offended. I need you to really hear that before we start damage control, okay? I can offer some strategies and you can give them a try, but at the end of the day your peace of mind can’t be tethered to her transformation. Do not, I repeat, do not engage in an open battle of wills with your FMIL. Strong boundaries and cleverness should be your camouflage.

Today we aim for the high road. In five years, you’ll look back and be seriously impressed with yourself, I swear it. For now, I need you to invest about two hours of your undivided time. Here's the gameplan:

To see DEARSUGAR's details read more

1) Invite FMIL to lunch.
2) At lunch, express how grateful you are for her wisdom, her experience, her passion and her good taste. Thank her for all the ways she’s been available to you and your fiancé.
3) Tell her you’re trying very hard to be organized around the wedding, and explain that you’d like to call her every two weeks (or once a month) with a list of questions or things to run by her. Tell her to keep a list, too, for your phone dates. This way you help contain her “input”.
4) Communicate to her that where your decisions and her advice differ is no reflection on how much that advice matters to you. Let her know that her suggestions always help you think more clearly about your choices and their consequences.

After that, Miss Wedding Blues, put her to work:
1) Give her a list of two or three time-consuming wedding tasks, ones you’re willing to let her drive and own.
2) Ask her sweetly if she’s willing to manage these for you; suggest that you’re stuck about the best direction. Pick only things you can let go of or about which you have no preference, Bride. In other words, make her feel they are critical matters for you and the wedding, and that only she can be trusted to manage the decisions. See where we’re going?
3) When the work is done, thank her copiously and thank her within earshot of other people.
4) At the rehearsal dinner, thank her again, very specifically, for all her good counsel and hard work.

Repeat as necessary. It’s a lot like dealing with a child: Gently state what you require, reinforce good behavior and qualities, and then redirect her attention and energies.

After the lunch date, dear Wendy, let the chips fall. You’ve done your part to be a graceful and strategic problem-solver, daughter-in-law, and fiancée. Don’t forget to reward yourself afterward with a massage or manicure, anything calming and relaxing. You’ll definitely have earned it.

Who Designs Your Nuptial Décor?

CasaSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:15:45 -0700

You may not be a DIY bride but you probably enjoy being involved in most of the details of your wedding day. There are some engaged gals, though, that leave it all (invites, floral arrangements, color scheme, tablecloths, etc.) up to a wedding planner (or their moms). Take this poll and let me know where you fall in the bunch.
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Sugar Shout Out: Share Your Videos!

PopSugar — Mon, 21 May 2007 00:05:16 -0700

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