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Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

The Big Tria Update: All of the Pros and Cons

BellaSugar — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:00:18 -0700

A few things have happened since Tria, the at-home laser hair-removal gadget, came on the market. First, the economy tanked, which may explain why Tria's price went from $995 to $795. Second, I've had almost a year to give it a whirl (full disclosure: Tria's PR team sent a trial unit for me to use). Third, my opinion has shifted over the last few months. Is Tria worth the hefty price tag? Does it remove hair permanently? Would I recommend it? Find out the answers to these questions when you read more.

Wax On, Wax Off: The Best of Hair-Removal Posts

BellaSugar — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:00:00 -0700

After last month's attempt at a DIY bikini wax resulted in spectacular disaster - we're still discovering particles of sticky wax on the bathroom floor - I have decided to splurge on a professional deforestation this month. Very exciting stuff, folks. If you're thinking of ripping out some of your hair, look no further. Behold, six wax-themed posts to help you grin and bare it.

Photo by Annabananabobaloo

Little Black Book: Strip Waxing Bar

BellaSugarUK — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 08:30:00 -0700

If you're anything like me, you get easily freaked out by the thought of a bikini wax. They're painful, embarrassing and they take forever. So whilst they are just one of the things us ladies endure for the sake of beauty, I never look forward to appointment time...that is, until now. Yesterday's experience completely changed the face of bikini waxing for me forever.

I tried out a sexy new hot spot in London called Strip Waxing Bar where the aesthetician peels the wax off of you directly instead of using linen strips to remove the wax and hair. It's much less painful (I swear) and did I mention that it smells like chocolate! I've never even seen this done before, but the results are quite effective. Afterwards there's still a fair amount of redness, but today, the swelling is gone and my skin is silky smooth. Here's what went down:

First, skin is prepped with oil which acts as a barrier between the wax and the skin. Then, the wax is applied in a goopy, thick layer. It takes about 30 seconds to dry, all the while warming your body and satisfying your senses with the sugary, chocolate-nutty scent. Once dry to the touch, the wax, gets peeled off in one fell swoop leaving your skin glistening and soft.

The magic is in the organic Australian Lycon wax. What it does is create kind-of a shrink-wrap around the hair, not the skin, making the experience much more comfortable. It also grabs the hair at the root so that re-growth is much finer. The wax is available in other flavours too like berry, lavender and active gold (smells just like chamomile) if chocolate isn't your thing.

For photos, store info, prices, celebrity clients and the downside of a Strip wax, read more.

There are currently two Strip locations in London; Chelsea and Notting Hill and prices for a bikini wax range from £22 - £50. The first floors sell classy and fashion-forward pre and post wax-related products and lingerie whilst the upper floors are treatment rooms where you can relax on a comfortable, professional table and watching television (this is fabulous distraction). The only drawback from the entire experience was that it took about 40 minutes, which is slightly longer because of the drying time.

However, take it from me (and other celeb clientelle like Victoria Beckham, Sienna Miller and Claudia Schiffer) that it was worth the wait. Do you think you'd be interested in getting a Strip wax the next time you're in London?

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When It Comes to Services, How Much Is Too Much?

BellaSugar — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:00:34 -0700

About 10 years ago, I used to save up money for a haircut at Orbit in Ann Arbor, MI. (Go see Chuck if you're in town; he's great.) A trim cost $35, which was a princely sum to my working-three-jobs-at-once self. Surprisingly, the salon's prices for a haircut have gone up only $5 to $15 - which isn't too crazy, considering how much time has passed.

Meanwhile, in the last year and a half, my hair-removal esthetician's prices have jumped twice. First it was $40 for a bikini wax, then $45, and on July 1, it just increased to $55 - which means that when I'm not going the DIY route, I'll have to find someone more affordable. Especially considering the rough economy, I'm all for people earning a fair wage for their work, but at what point do you move on because of pricing?

Photo by dborman2

Ten Tips for a Nearly Painless Bikini Wax

BellaSugar — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:00:50 -0700

I think only masochists look forward to a bikini wax, and small wonder: It hurts! The thing is, it doesn't have to hurt quite so badly. I've compiled a list of ten ways you can reduce the pain of waxing. If you're new to waxing, I highly recommend going to a professional to see how it's done. After a few times, you might want to try doing it at home to save a few bucks; I really love completely bare's wax kit because it's practically pain-free. (Let me know if you'd like a how-to on at-home waxing; I'd be happy to do one!) For now, to learn how to keep pain at bay, read more

Plan to wax after your period. Your pain threshold is higher in the week after your period than beforehand. Think of it like this: If sappy commercials make you cry when you're premenstrual, having wax applied to your dainty bits certainly will.
Lose your self-consciousness. Yes, a stranger is going to see you wearing, at most, a paper thong. Don't worry about offending her or feeling embarrassed. It's nothing she hasn't seen before. The less anxious you are, the less you'll worry about pain.
Start off slowly. Your first bikini wax is not the time to try a Brazilian. If you're new to waxing, go with a basic bikini wax. You can always decide to remove more the next time around.
Exfoliate. The day before you decide to wax, exfoliate in the shower. This will remove dead skin, allowing the wax to grip shorter hairs.
Speak up. A good esthetician will work with you to make sure you're as comfortable as you can be. I always ask my esthetician to tell me when she's about to pull the wax off. So don't be shy to say something if you have a low pain tolerance-it's better to speak up than to suffer in silence.
Use hard wax. Hard wax is more gentle than soft wax, so I recommend going to a spa that uses it.
Take an over-the-counter pain reliever. About an hour before your appointment, take an Advil, Tylenol or other pain reliever.
Breathe. It can be tempting to hold your breath, but breathing in and out helps reduce the pain. Take a deep breath in when the wax goes on, then breathe out when your esthetician gives it a yank.
Know which parts are most sensitive. You wouldn't expect it, but having hair pulled from the lower abdomen area is more painful than it is around the vaginal opening.
Turn your head and cough. An esthetician at Bliss taught me this trick: When the wax is about to be ripped off, cough. It distracts from the pain, and trust me, it works!

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Do You Buy New Beauty Products For Your Honeymoon?

BellaSugarUK — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Some girls have lingerie showers before their wedding so that they have sexy new sleep-wear (wink) for their first trip together as a married couple. Others, get a spray tan or a bikini wax if they're going to a tropical destination, yet I've been told that more ladies than you'd think buy brand new cosmetics. Purchasing multi-purpose beauty products is not only a great way to physically lighten up your load for travel, but apparently the psychology is that you give off a more low-maintenance appearance.

Hmm, it's not like your new husband isn't going to find out sooner or later that your flat iron and giant body bronzing brushes are packable too! However, I know that being newly married can make you do things that are out of the ordinary. So tell me, all of you brides-to-be and newlyweds, is buying honeymoon makeup something you'd do?

For more honeymoon fun, take PopSugar UK's celebrity honeymoon destination quizzes!

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The How-To Lounge: All About the Brazilian Wax

DearSugar — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 06:31:00 -0700

Many of our readers wonder out loud about the Brazilian bikini wax, so let's cover this subject thoroughly in a two-part series. The Brazilian wax has seen a lot of American converts in the past few years, but many women still don't know all the details and remain a little shy about asking the proper questions.

Click here to read more

Many different styles of Brazilian exist, so you need to be very clear with your waxer about what exactly you're getting. One style includes removing every bit of pubic hair from the top, the bottom, and everywhere in between, while another leaves a "landing strip" or a small triangle of pubic hair. There's the "Mommy Brazilian", which entails leaving your frontal pubic hair natural but removing everything from the bottom and between. Then there's the straight Brazilian, which simply involves getting a nice wax around your bikini line.

It's uncomfortable; there's no way around it. Every one's threshold for pain is different, however. From all accounts it's about a million times less painful than electrolysis. I'd say, if asked, that it's more painful than eyebrow waxing but less painful than a lip wax, but I really can barely stand having a lip wax. Hopefully, I can tell you everything you ever wanted to know but were too afraid to ask. Let's begin.

The cardinal rule for any kind of wax is knowing where you are in your cycle. There's nothing more painful than waxing right before or right after your period; your skin is extra sensitive, which increases the pain and might increase the likelihood of major irritation and bumps. Just don't do it
Before your appointment, exfoliate all the areas you plan to have waxed. I recommend buying Tend Skin to use between waxes as another preventative measure against ingrown hairs
Brazilian waxes are not for everyone, so if you're not ready to be bare down there, take it slow and start off with the "mommy Brazilian". There's nothing wrong with keeping things a little natural and comfortable. Pace yourself
Most women I know absolutely do not regret removing all the 'bits and pieces' from between and behind, and that's usually the part most beginners are nervous about exposing and waxing. It doesn't hurt like you think, and everyone seems to prefer how fresh they feel afterward
In order for your waxer to remove all the hair, they'll ask you to get in some very 'compromising' positions, so make sure you find someone you like. Ask your friends for recommendations. I bet your hairdresser knows someone really good and really professional, too
If you're uncomfortable being completely naked during your wax, you'll have the option of wearing a disposable paper thong, which you'll be asked to hold taut during the waxing. Once you get to know your waxer, none of this will feel quite so awkward

That's the first installment, ladies. Come back tomorrow to read the rest of our Brazilian wax basics!
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Braving the Bikini Wax

FabSugar — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 23:35:52 -0700

Bikini waxing is one of those things that many women endure but very few discuss. Whether you're contemplating your first one or just dreading your next one, you may wonder if there's a way to minimize the discomfort. Though bikini waxes aren't exactly pleasant-the pain falls somewhere between pulling off a Band-Aid and getting a tattoo-there are some things you can do to make the experience more pleasant. Here are some helpful hints to keep in mind.

1. Prep your skin. In the days leading up to your wax, scrub the to-be-waxed area with a product like Dove Exfoliating Body Wash, available for $8.29 here. This will help open up your folicles and prevent ingrown hairs.

2. Scout out the right salon. Yes, there are super-cheap waxes to be had at neighborhood nail joints, but pricier spa-type establishments often use better waxes. Check to see what kind your waxer is using; moisturizing cream waxes will hurt far less than traditional versions.

For the other tips, read more

3. Before you wax, relax. The more at ease you are, the less it will hurt, so once you're on the table, do whatever you can to calm yourself, whether it's taking deep breaths or listening to your iPod.

4. Get the wax off. The residue left behind from your bikini wax can make skin even more irritated. Try using a product such as Gigi Wax Off, available for $5.35 here. It not only gets off the remaining wax but also soothes with aloe vera.

What to Expect From a Brazilian Bikini Wax

BellaSugar — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:00:48 -0700

After looking at these cute retro swimsuits, you might be inspired to hit the beach. If you're going to do that, you may want to trim your lady forest - or, like some women, you may want to lose your hair completely. As I've said before, there's no right or wrong way to groom your nether regions but if you're curious about Brazilian waxing, it can't hurt to try it. Well, actually, it can and will hurt - but that's why I've created this guide to your first time.

First of all, let's get our definition straight. A Brazilian wax removes all of the hair from front to back, usually (but not always) leaving a thin "landing strip" of hair a few inches below the belly button. Expect it to cost anywhere from $40 to $80. To find out how much pain to expect, read more.

Read these tips for a painless wax before you head to the spa, and at the very least, take Ibuprofen an hour before your appointment. At the spa, you'll be shown to the waxing room to change out of your pants or skirt (including underpants). For a more modest bikini wax, you'll sometimes get a paper thong; for a Brazilian, you'll more likely be naked from the waist down. If you're like me, you'll feel ridiculous standing around half-naked.

Your waxer will ask you to lie down on your back. That's a good time to ask any questions so that you're both clear on what you want to have removed. After that, she'll probably dust your hair and skin with baby powder, which keeps the wax from sticking to your skin. Most waxers will ask you to assist by holding your skin taut or moving your legs a certain way; some will even ask you to kneel down and stick your bottom out so she can remove all of the hairs there. After the waxing is done, the esthetician will probably tweeze any stray hairs.

As for the pain, I won't lie: It's intense, but it's also fairly brief. It usually hurts more to have the hair on your pubis removed than the hair near your vagina, so be prepared for that. Your hairlessness should last for up to four weeks, at which point you can go back in for another round of waxing.

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