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You Asked: Can I Re-Use an Engagement Ring?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I had bought an expensive engagement ring 3 years ago which I now possess again since we did not proceed with the actual marriage. Can I present it to my new girlfriend or do I need to buy a new one? If I do propose to her with the old ring, how will she take it if she finds out? I don't want to lie if she asks me so what can I say so that she will understand if she does find out? She knows I was previously engaged, but she doesn't know anything about the ring. I have managed to restore it and it now looks like new with new packaging. I don't want to do anything that I will regret in the future so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. -- Clueless Calob

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Dear Clueless Calob--

In a nutshell, NO, no you should not propose to your girlfriend with a "used ring," and why would you want to, it sounds like that ring didn't bring you good luck the first time around! Although you never married the woman you originally gave the ring to, it technically "belongs" to someone else. If you are already essentially feeling guilty for thinking about re-gifting the engagement ring, your girlfriend is bound to find out, and if she is like any other red blooded woman, she's going to be upset and quite possibly furious.

The good news is that your old ring doesn't have to go to waste per se. Diamonds can be traded in for another stone and using the money from the other ring towards a new one for your current girlfriend is totally acceptable, so I highly recommend you finding a jeweler or diamond broker you trust and going that route. Although your engagement isn't going to be all about the ring, I am sure your girlfriend is going to want you to present her with something that is special and unique to YOUR relationship, not with something that was purchased with another woman in mind. I hope I was of some help to you, and good luck!

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Ask an MBA Student: Is It OK For My Boyfriend to See His Ex?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:00:44 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a guy working on his MBA tries to help out a woman nervous about her boyfriend's ex. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved back in town and he wants to hang out with her. She's going to stop by his house this week so they can catch up. They broke up a couple of years ago, but they dated for a few years so this sort of makes me uncomfortable. Can I tell him that I don't want them to be friends? I don't know whether I should be upset or just let it go.

Signed,
Nervous

To read the MBA student's advice, read more.

Dear Nervous,

My advice is to let them hang out and catch up initially. It's natural for friends who haven't seen each other to meet up; there is nothing to worry about. I think it might be a good idea for you to be there, if your boyfriend is OK with that. If this is truly a friend situation, he shouldn't have a problem with you being there, and if the ex-girlfriend is moving back into town then she should want to get to know you. After they catch up, the novelty might go away and they might never see each other again as people change. However, if they continue to hang out and see each other a lot, you can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect your wishes and tone it down.

Signed,
An MBA Student

Tech Dating 101: Do You Save Messages From Your Date?

GeekSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:02:00 -0800

One of the benefits of of digital technology is that every email, text, and voicemail is easily saved, stored, and relived. It's helpful when you're dating someone - I think it's both fun and cute to reread old messages. (Though I suppose this can get dicey when trying to cut your ex out of your digital life, but that's a topic for another day). When it's good - it's great!

I hadn't thought too much about it until a recently engaged friend unearthed a years-long log of emails and text messages, starting with the first email her now-fiance sent the morning after they met. My other friends and I teased her at first, but then realized that reading through her saved emails was almost like reading a book of the history of their relationship. Plus, it's fun to look back one month, six months, or even a year into the past to see what was going on, even if they're mundane messages about what movie to catch or what to make for dinner that night.

To find out why I think it's helpful to save old messages, just read more.

Besides its historical significance, saving messages from someone you're dating is also helpful when you're starting a new relationship. Who hasn't sat with their girlfriends and gadgets and analyzed a string of text messages from a new guy or potential date? (See also my advice on decoding postdate texts and instant messages).

Do you save these bits of communication when you're starting a new relationship? What about when you're in an established one? And do you ever go back to reread them? I've started doing it, and I must admit, looking back on emails or text messages from a few months before is both nostalgic and sweet.

Do you have a Love 2.0 questioned you want answered? Join the Tech Dating 101 because we understand that love and dating are stressful and the Internet and social networking sites can just make things worse. You never know, your question could be featured on GeekSugar! Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

Tyra Gets a Nutritionist to Get Her Shape in Shape

FitSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:00:17 -0800

You may already know that Tyra's made a lifestyle change, thanks to a little healthy competition with her girlfriends that began last January. While being more active and committing herself to regular cardio sessions certainly helped her tone up, an episode of Tyra's show this week reveals that her slim-down is in large part due to working with a nutritionist and drastically changing her eating habits. With recent studies debating that weight loss has less to do with exercise, and is more about food, Tyra's revelation seems a timely bit of healthy advice.

Overall, I'm totally impressed with Tyra's take on getting fit - proclaiming the episode "Get Your Shape in Shape," she emphasizes the focus on individual body type, rather than on being skinny, and offers constructive tips for shaping up your shape - like making a decision to get healthy for yourself and keeping a food journal to monitor what you're eating.

A true believer in the power of food, Tyra also claims that new eating habits put and end to her "stomach attacks," which she suffered from since she was 10, and reveals that her weight loss is 80 percent attributable to diet and 20 percent attributable to exercise - she didn't even hire a personal trainer. Are you a believer yet?

Photo Courtesy of Warner Brothers

Sex Once Every Two Weeks?

Tres Community — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:03:31 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Sex once a week or every two weeks - is this normal? I feel like my boyfriend has lost interest in me. I've tried to spice it up a bit, but I don't know what else to do! I talk to him, and all he says is that I take the fun out by asking and nagging him about it all the time. So I try not to say anything and then nothing ever happens, or after a week or so he just wants oral. We have some of the best sex I've ever had and I'd be fine having sex daily - I'm so attracted to him! We live together and have for about a year now. Sometimes I wonder if that takes the spice out of it. I try to not just be a roommate though and to still be the girlfriend I was before. He just isn't very affectionate either; maybe that has something to do with it. I find it difficult to try to turn on someone who I can't make out with anytime of the day or touch him without him freaking out. What is his deal?! Do I dare say anything about him going to the doctor for Viagra? He's only 26!

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Awkward! She's Worried Everyone Thinks She's a Lesbian

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:00:00 -0800

Looking around our Confession Booth group I discovered that one reader finds herself in a very awkward situation. Here's what she has to say:

"Last week, I went out with a few of my girlfriends for drinks and we all got a bit tipsy and headed back to one of their homes to sleep. I ended up on the floor next to an acquaintance, and we chatted before we went to sleep. One thing led to another and she kissed me and wanted to take it further. I was tipsy but still realized that I wasn't a lesbian and wouldn't feel happy with myself the next morning, so I said no and went to sleep. The next morning she asked me what it meant and when I replied that it was a silly drunken mistake she got really upset. I later found out she told all of my friends what happened. I don't know what to do and why this is happening, but I'm worried rumors will get around to family and other friends that I am something I'm not."

Do you have any advice for this reader? (And if you have some awkward tales of your own, join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.)

Ask a Party Planner: Should I Date Outside My Religion?

TresSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

This week, a party planner offers advice to a woman unsure about a new love interest. After you read her answer, be sure to check out our Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's Question:

I'm a single 32-year-old woman and I am under immense pressure to get married from my family and community. I have been single for two years since my last relationship, and four months ago I met this guy and started dating him. We quickly got close and we really care for each other. He wants me to be his girlfriend now, however there a few issues with us - he is only 28 and from another religion. If this goes anywhere, then we are sure to face opposition from both our families. We are from cultures where our families mean a lot to us.

We have talked about this being a long-term relationship, but we have yet to figure out if we will end up married since it's obviously too early. I'm wondering if I should date other guys while we figure this out. I really don't want to, but my friends warn me to not put all my eggs in one basket, especially when he is four years younger than me. I also worry that our religions will come between us in the future.

What should I do? Date other guys, or be his girlfriend and see this through?

Signed, Unsure

To see the party planner's answer, read more.

Dear Unsure,

It seems like there are two issues here: first, his age, and second, your religions. Let's discuss.

I think you should not worry about his age. Twenty-eight is old enough to be in a serious, committed relationship if that's what he wants. Like you said, it's early in the relationship, so you can't predict whether you two are going to get married. But there is only one way to find out - by dating him exclusively.

As for the religion issue: this is something to seriously consider. But I think you need to figure out if you're willing to date someone with a different background - is it worth it to you, not your family, to work through the inevitable obstacles (like choosing how to celebrate holidays, or how to raise kids)? As for your family, I think that they will be more supportive than you think. If you're happy, they should be happy for you too. And you say this guy really values his family, so I think it's great that you found someone who thinks his family is important - just like you do.

If you really like this guy, it's worth giving it a chance. Good luck.

Signed,
A party planner

You Asked: My Boyfriend Called Me By His Ex's Name - Twice!

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of seven months, who has been amazing, romantic, and thoughtful so far, referred to me by his ex's name on two occasions in front of others. It hurt me very much and it continues to hurt. The first time was around Thanksgiving, the exact time of year they had broken up. The second time was a couple of weeks later, at a Christmas party. He says it means nothing and it was just a slip of the tongue.

They had dated for two and a half years, and he has never wanted to talk about her or why they broke up, but after the second time he called me by her name, I insisted that he tell me about her. He said their breakup really hurt him, but they had intimacy issues and ended up being more friends than lovers. He wanted to work on their relationship but she did not so it ended.

He has told me that he is 100 percent committed to me and me only. He treats me extremely well and makes me very happy. He always tells me how much he loves me, has asked me to move in with him, and tells me how much happier he is with me than he was with her. I have met his family and friends and we get along really well. So was this really just a slip of the tongue? If so, what do I do to get over it? Could he still have feelings for her? I don't want to be naive and I don't want to be blindsided. Any advice would be a great help. - He Made a Mistake Mindy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear He Made a Mistake Mindy,

From what you're telling me, it sounds as though everything in your relationship is going great except for these two slips of the tongue. While I don't doubt that those mistakes hurt you, you have to remember that people mess up every now and again, even at the cost of someone else's feelings. It's pretty clear that he adores you from the fact that he's constantly reassuring you, but at the end of the day, it's up to you if you're willing to forgive him.

Time will lessen the blow of his mistakes, and keeping the lines of communication open about your feelings will help too. What he did was wrong, but I can honestly say that I don't think it came from a malicious place so if you think you can let it go, I think it'll be worth your while. With that said, if he makes a habit of calling you the wrong name, I'd say that it's a pretty clear indication that he's simply not over his ex. I hope it all works out for you; good luck.

Source

You Asked: Am I Selling Myself Short?

DearSugar — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met this great guy about a month and a half ago and we really hit it off. He told me when we first started dating that he had recently broken up with his ex who he dated for two and a half years. He opened up to me yesterday and said that he was frustrated because he wasn't sure if he was ready for another serious relationship right now. He says that he really likes me, but he thinks everything happened too fast between us. I was really upset by his decision to take a step back, but I agreed to remain in contact with him.

My problem is that I really like him, and I think he really likes me, but I'm not too sure what to do now. I know he's not ready for a relationship, but maybe if I give him time, he will be later on? I don't want to stop seeing him because he was a great friend before we started going out, but I don't want to just string myself along and end up getting hurt. I am also confused as to the status of our relationship now. Are we taking things slow, or are we just friends? If you have any insight, I'd love to hear what you have to say. - Unresolved Rebbecca

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Unresolved Rebbecca,

So you don't hold on to false hope, I suggest you talk with this guy about whether or not you have a future together. I'm glad he was honest with you about not feeling ready to jump back into another relationship, but it sounds like you're still unclear as to where you stand now, which must be incredibly confusing.

If he's unable to give you an answer, you're going to have to just feel it out. I wouldn't advise you to pass up opportunities to date other men, but if you feel that you can maintain a friendship while continuing to live your life, I say why not.

It's easy to blur the lines of love so be sure to keep the lines of communication open and hopefully your future with him will become clear one way or another. Good luck.

Source

You Asked: How Do I Make Amends?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My family is in the process of moving, and while packing up some books, I noticed a number from an old friend from college. We stopped being friends over something stupid - I was young, and felt like I didn't need a friend - but that was two years ago. I was dropping both bad friends and good friends left and right; it wasn't a healthy time for me and shortly thereafter, I slipped into a depression and finally realized how important it is to keep people in your life.

I've already reconnected with a high-school friend, however she's not someone I would call a best friend. My friend from college was someone who I could go out with and had real fun around, which is something I want to do again. I'm not a partier by any means, but I love the idea of getting dressed up with girlfriends for a cocktail. I really do want to reach out to her and see if she's open to a friendship again, but I'm terrified that she'll want nothing to do with me after the way I treated her. What should I do? How can I deal with it if she rejects me?

- Time For Friends Again Angela,

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Time For Friends Again Angela,

Your worries are normal. Even if you hadn't ended things on a bad note, it can be scary to reach out to someone you haven't spoken with in years. In your case, some apologies are definitely in order. When you talk to her, make sure to express your regret at your behavior. If she feels your sincerity, she'll be more likely to give you another chance. But even if she's receptive to your desire to be friends again, it won't be so easy to simply pick up where you left off. Your friendship was damaged when you cut her out of your life, and you'll both have to work on rebuilding it - she'll need to believe she can trust you again.

If she decides that she's not willing to try to rebuild things then consider this an opportunity to branch out and meet new people; it's never too late to start anew. And I'm sure there are other women out there you can have fun with, especially now that you've realized the importance of having and being a good friend.

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